Are you a man if you cannot take care of your family? Are you noble, if you do not have a job and let your wife slave away at the office, so you can latch onto her healthcare insurance, and eat the bacon she brings home? Hell yeah brothers! Stay at home men of the world, unite!
The beauty of equality is that we men don't have to work the majority of our lives away anymore.
We can be the homemakers, and be proud of it too! With our big muscles, we can re-arrange the living room furniture with ease. Being relatively taller, we can change fire alarm batteries every year without fear of breaking our necks.
When the general contractor comes over to remodel the bathroom, ladies can rest assured we men are less likely to get scammed by superfluous charges, such as a $1,000 wonder wall replacement.
And when the cable guy comes, you can also breathe easy knowing that we aren't going to have a romantic encounter either! I mean, how many times have you ever had a cable gal come over? Never!
IS EARLY RETIREMENT CHEATING IF YOU HAVE A WORKING SPOUSE?
I've noticed an extraordinary trend over the past couple of years.
The trend is that more and more men are desiring to retire early. In some cases, as early as 25! Let's be honest, writing about retiring in your 20's and 30's is a gimmick.
These guys aren't going to sit back on the beach and get rubbed all day. Nope. They are going to try and develop some side hustle income and take care of the kids. The kick in the shins is they think their wives will be happy with their plan!
Just like sleeping with the hostess at your favorite steak house is bad, so is telling everyone you are retired while your wife still works to support the family!
Why Wives Won't Accept Working Forever If The Husband Doesn't
* When you see someone relaxing, you too want to relax! It's human nature to want what other people have. Do you really think your wife will be happy with working 40-50 hours a week while you lounge in your underwear all day at home? Only if her job makes her 100% happy, which we know will never happen. I would venture to guess the best jobs are liked by people 70%-80% of the time at most, which leaves 20-30% of dissatisfaction.
* Men will start to get lazy. It's not in our nature to cook, clean, wash the dishes, and change diapers. We are hunters and love to play games! Eventually, we'll stop being as consistent with our cooking and cleaning, and our wives will notice! We'll get the wrong garnish at the grocery store, and our wives will blow their tops! Men are doomed towards laziness and women will realize this sooner or later.
* Women get jealous. You think men get jealous? Oh my, women get crazy jealous! There's something about women where they must fend all other women away. Every woman is looked at suspiciously, especially the attractive ones who enter their man's lives. Women probably get jealous because men make them jealous. Men like to hunt remember! And that includes other women.
* We must suffer together. Again, it's human nature that one can't enjoy more than another. Unless you are getting paid millions for getting a massage, there is suffering at work. It can be the commute, the boss, the annoying colleague who eats boiled eggs for breakfast, whatever. If your wife is suffering, she wants you to suffer too!
Once you combine laziness, relaxation, and jealousy, it's GAME OVER! Your woman will start to resent you, and at the very least desire to stay at home and experience what you have. Don't kid yourselves guys! We must have a plan, and saying you are retiring early while you have a working spouse is not one!
How To Convince Your Woman Into Letting You Retire Early
* Talk about your dreams and ambitions. Women love a man with ambition. In fact, some say that men with ambition are sexier than red velvet cake! Fill your woman's ear with sweet plans of world domination. You can talk about building your online empire or your desire to become a real estate magnate. Whatever it is, your woman wants details, and wants to hear your enthusiasm.
* Always carry a smartphone. Even if you're sleeping in until 10am, make sure you have a smartphone to insta-respond to text messages when she checks in on you during her work breaks. If you don't respond within 15 minutes max, she's going to start wondering whether you're smoking her cigarettes, playing Xbox with 15 year olds, cavorting with other women, and get pissed! She might also figure out that you're sleeping in, like the lazy man that you are!
* Show encouragement. Tell her you are proud of her accomplishments at work at least once a week. Most people don't really care as much about the money as they do about recognition for good work done. Just tell her once a week how proud you are for her doing so well at the company. Tell her you admire her work ethic. Tell her you believe she will go places, and really mean it. Learn to convince your spouse to work longer!
* Promise foot massages and gorilla loving. What does every tired, working woman want after she comes home? Not you! And that's because you don't promise her foot massages and gorilla loving! I don't know how women can stand walking in even 1 inch heels, let alone 2 or 3 inches heels all day. If you promise a foot massage and 3 minutes of McLovin afterwards, I'm sure she'll let you play War Craft all night long!
* Tell her you're doing it for us. “Us” is the key word here. You might be someone who is lazy without any backbone to stick it out in the corporate world and make friends. And you know what? That's OK, because work sucks a lot of the time! You're disrespected, underpaid, and unrecognized. Nobody wants that. It's important to reassure your woman that you're working on your dreams to create a better lifestyle for both of you. Re-emphasize not only the potential of your business, but your ability to handle all the house work.
I love our society's push for equality. Even though we are heading in the right direction, we aren't there yet! Women still get paid less then men on average, and you don't see much diversity in senior management positions. If we men want to retire early and have our lovely wives do all the work for us while we eat pizza and watch football, we must support our women 1000%!
Related: Man Up Dads! Time To Be Better Fathers
START A WEBSITE ALREADY
I'm proud to say that I've been a stay at home man since 2012 when I left my corporate job for good! Why? Because Financial Samurai, a site I started in 2009 is generating a healthy income stream to allow me to do whatever I want.
If you enjoy writing, creating, connecting with people online, and enjoying more freedom, see how you can set up a WordPress blog in 15 minutes with Bluehost. You never know where the journey will take you. I was able to travel to Cambodia, Malaysia, Taiwan, Korea, and Vietnam for four weeks while running my online business.
Starting a website is the best lifestyle move I've ever made, and it could be for you too!
Finally, I do believe social norms are changing. More women are graduating from college and becoming primary breadwinners. This is a wonderful trend that should continue. Today, a big flex a man can have is being cared for by a working wife! Not that's winning the lottery.
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I’ve told my husband many times over the past few years that he doesn’t have to work if he doesn’t want to. Right now, he is working two lower-paying jobs just because he likes them, but the plan is for him to be a stay-at-home dad once we have kids, something that he’s looking forward to and I think he will be great at.
Though I agree with many of the things you said, “wage gap” is a myth created by the left to further demonize us men.
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If my wife had to work while I stayed at home, I would be momentarily happy and long-term depressed. EVERYONE should work, even infants can be well-paid paperweights.
Missed this one the first time but saw it on your Best Of list. I think I’ll leave this up on the computer so she’ll see it the next time she’s on. I have no problem with my wife working and making more than me. And now that we have a 10 month old, I’m considering being a stay at home dad like Adam more and more every day.
Jason, good on yah mate!
It’s a two step process to first convince the wife, and then to convince other guys that it’s OK for men to stay at home too!
Enjoy your baby!
Amen, brother! Amen! I have been a stay at home dad of a two year old and an 8 month old for the last year. The looks that I get at the grocery store from other moms as I tickle my kids’ bellies is priceless. The first question I am asked is “So, today must be your day off?” “No,” I reply, “I do this every day.” It’s funny how stay-at-home dads are presumed to be unemployed men who cannot find a job, while stay-at-home moms are just that – stay-at-home moms. The truth is that my wife and I decided that it would be best for our family if I temporarily left my career to support hers and my children. At least I will always have the support and mutual respect of my fellow Junior Leaguers here in Newport Beach. Although my suggestion for a beer pong and mud wrestling fundraiser did not go over as well as I had hoped…
Awesome! Hurry up and do so before she CHANGES HER MIND! For some reason, lots of women change their mind after only several years, or after they have kids. Donno why that is!
Indeed! In anything, there is give and take. I think all woman would accept this proposal by men!
The fact is that my husband is just a better suited SAHD. He is better at talking to the baby for hours on end, better at being patient. That being said, both of us suck at cleaning, and our house is always a mess. I’m better at cooking, but that’s because I like it.
If I was able to get a job I loved making tons of money that allowed my husband to stay at home with the kids, I totally would while they were young. As they got older, he wouldn’t be content to not have anything to do while the kids are at school – so he would definitely get a job or start a consulting business.
Ahh, patience is a virtue. Time for you to hurry up and make the big bucks then Kris!
I think it would be cool to do at some point in my career IF I were living this life and had blogging on the side. I’d want to contribute in some way, always have some sort of entrepreneurial gig. While being at home w the kids is daunting at first (I have them alone for a girls’ weekend out or whatever), eventually you get in a routine and/or get bored, especially during naptime! I think in a different life, if I didn’t have some other outlet, it would be tough for me to be a stay at home dad.
Agreed. This blogging outlet has really helped us men consider different possibilities in life!
I love this post!
I have a life somewhat like you’re describing and it’s a pretty sweet gig. I always thought that I would go back to work for someone else when the kids got to be a certain age, and I did for a while, but I much, much prefer building something of my own. So I work at keeping the books for two small family businesses and growing my blog, and have started doing some community volunteering. And I still love making a home and take care of my family, even though the kids don’t need me in the same way they once did.
I have the greatest husband in the world…he just wants me to be happy. When I’m happy, he’s happy. It just so happens that he’s happiest when working for money and I’m happy on the home front.
Julie, sounds like a match made in heaven! That’s awesome you guys are so compatible this way. Really, I think it is wonderful. You would be a great partner for anyone!
I think that it would be pretty cool if my boyfriend (once we get married and have kids) stayed at home with the kids, but I think you’re right – I don’t see the cooking, cleaning, etc to be consistent with him, where it would be with me. Being a stay at home parent is a full-time job, though! Retirement would only happen once the kids are out of the house and then the stay-at-home-er could definitely be seen as retired.
Hi Daisy, may I ask how you guys know you are sure you want to have kids?
I guess you can never be sure 100% until you experience having kids, but I think the boy and I both have always wanted kids. It was never really a discussion – it was always assumed that we would just have them eventually.
Absolutely hilarious! “Have you ever seen a female cable guy” love it. I think you hit on some definite truths here that most of us don’t like to acknowledge. Personally, there is often tension between my girl and I because she gets upset I put too much time into developing my side gig. I’ve noticed this is fairly typical amongst bloggers, and I try to reassure her that any money I make and invest at this point in our lives, will compound and allow us to retire together earlier and spend a ton of time together. The plan should work… if I make it that far!
Yeah dude! Always use the words “We” and “Us” to keep her on board, or at… bay!
Definitely cheating as far as ‘retirement’ goes if the wife is still at work and bringing home money that is needed in order to maintain you lifestyle or contribute in anyway to your outgoings. That said I love the potential here. Great tips on convincing the missus Sam, maybe I’ll start planting a few seeds after she finishes her maternity leave? On second thought, I’ve seen how much she manages to get done at home with a child while heavily pregnant… she would put me to shame!
You should definitely plant. The first thing every woman wants to do after maternity leave is go back to work for 50-60 hour a week! Well, maybe not :)
Don’t underestimate your SAHM abilities!
I don’t think Mrs. 101 has ever seen herself as being retired. I’ve done my bit at full-time SAHD, and can be bloody hard work at times, not the least of which getting motivated to wear proper clothes and not lounge around in underwear :-)
Still, I wouldn’t mind if the roles were reversed.
I think deep down inside Andrew, you wouldn’t mind drinking beer in your undies and kicking back at home, working online for a year or two as she goes and brings home the bacon!
The tips for convincing women about your stay-at-home status is slightly superficial. If you don’t feel truly how long can you go on saying one good word about her work a week?
The article was really good read. I needed that laughter today. Thanks for providing that. As of now my wife is stay-at-home.
Glad to make you laugh SB! Your lady stays at home I think you write, yes? What does she do at home?
It would be great to semi-retire now!
Unfortunately I don’t have enough income producing assets or enough side income from blogging to make that leap (yet).
I totally agree though, unfortunately my wife (for the most part) is a SAHM, so there is no getting her to go to work while I say at home unless I make a lot of money, somehow…
It would be amazing though! I would like to tentatively signup for a future someday (lol), hopefully!
What would it take for you to become semi or full retired Don?
I think the idea of gender dynamics in relationship roles is absolute crap, and only exists when we make it that way. My mom was a WAHM (Work at home because she had a home business on top of being at every field trip), and I asked her once who made dinner when my folks were both working long hour jobs. She looked at me deadpanned and said, “Whoever got home first.” There was no his jobs and her jobs, it was whoever saw it and had an available moment to do it, did.
Fast forward 20 years, in our seven years together there have been times where either my husband or I have been unemployed or working from home, or working part time or full time. We like to eat so we cook. We have a house so we take care of it.
Right now it’s my husband’s slow season so he’s essentially a SAHH. He helps me out with the house while I’m working, keeps the four-legged kids out from underfoot, cooked me breakfast (!!!!), and plays video games. We support each other. He can play whatever he wants because he’s an awesome husband and we love each other to pieces.
Your mom is a wise woman! “Whoever got home first” is brilliant, and I’m sure that has led to a fantastic marriage.
Team work makes the dream work!
They were married for 24 years until my Dad passed away. It was definitely work. But a strong relationship is. It’s just work with the best, most legit reward ever.
We have the same rule in my house. Whoever gets home first makes dinner. I’m usually home first so I cook but then my husband does the dishes (that’s another rule–one cooks, the other does the dishes). We also split household chores pretty equally based on what we’re good at and what we like to do (ex., I hate yardwork and he love it and he hates running household errands and I treat it like a vacation). We’ve been together over 15 years, married for almost 8. It’s a system that works. We don’t mess with it.
As far as him wanting to be a SAHD, if I were making enough money and he wanted to, that would be fine with me. However, my husband likes going to work and all the childcare stuff gets frustrating for him after awhile. He did stay home for 2 months after I went back to work after maternity leave. He enjoyed it but he missed working.
If he did stay home, I can’t imagine that he’d call it retirement, though.
It’s amazing that you found what works and just stuck with it. I see a lot of people who always try to mess with what works trying to find “better.” “Better” is what makes you guys happy and you nailed it! My husband vacuums and does laundry. I pick up the dog poop and dust. It’s like a puzzle.
I agree with Hank. The ultimate freedom is having the choice as to whether you want to work or not. This applies to both you and your spouse.
I don’t agree, b/c I know tons of guys whose wives don’t work and don’t have kids either. We need equality for men!
With my job I get a weekday off every week. I love it when my wife gets up and goes to work, while I’m just sleeping in – but she hates it. If it happened everyday, she would kill me!
What about the power of love Rob??
It is definitely not cool to retire early AND require your wife to work to support you. But, if you retire with a pension and are self supporting and your wife simply wants to keep working, then that is more than ok.
Why not though? Don’t wives do that all the time and make us guys work til death? “Get back to work honey! Don’t quit your job before you have another!”
Oh Sam! Personally I think that whoever stays at home can’t be lazy and should support the working spouse.
I don’t think it matters whether the person who stays at home is male or female. There are some very highly paid women out there (e.g. physicians) who prefer to work and they would make more money than their husbands would. And it works for them.
I think families try hard to make things work for the family and each family is individual. Of course I would be pissed if he was just sitting around all day doing jack sh*t but I would make sure he was not slacking off.
Too much of a SMB is a turn off and a guy who is too much of a slacker is a turn off too.
I guess from a female’s perspective, here’s my old post on powerful women:
https://youngandthrifty.ca/relationships-money/are-financially-independent-women-a-turn-on/
I agree! Support the working spouse! I love cleaning the house and make sure my partner is relaxed when she comes home!
I KNOW you would make sure he’s not slacking off, which is why I wrote my tip:
* Always carry a smartphone. Even if you’re sleeping in until 10am, make sure you have a smartphone to insta-respond to text messages when she checks in on you during her work breaks. If you don’t respond within 15 minutes max, she’s going to start wondering whether you’re smoking her cigarettes, playing Xbox with 15 year olds, cavorting with other women, and get pissed! She might also figure out that you’re sleeping in, like the lazy man that you are!
We men must unite!
I’m also a stay-at-home dad since early 2010 but I would hardly refer to it as retirement. I think any guy that refers to it as that is either not a stay-at-home dad or he is just being humorous. :D
We did what made the most sense for our family and both of us are glad we did. My wife studied to be a nurse so when she graduated it would have been stupid (in our opinion) for her not to use the degree we went into debt for in 2007. We would have been able to cope with both of us working but we were really not keen on daycare or the cost associated with it.
When we had our second child, since my wife was the one with the better insurance (Hospital insurance…hello) we made the decision for me to stay home. Since then we’ve had another one so now I have a 5 yo, a 2 yo, and a 6 mo to take care of all while managing EOD, writing for numerous publications, starting my own printing company and taking on the huge responsibility of homeschooling our 5 year old.
Now 2 years later, my wife and I have already started our transition to bring her home more too. Our goal is for both of us to stay at home/work at home.
She now works 2-12 hour shifts a week (as opposed to 4-12’s), gets to spend lots more time with our kids AND she is amping up her eBay business.
Debt freedom has given us the opportunity to craft the life we want to live and staying at home is a part of that. I think the life we’re living is actually better than retirement because we’re doing what we love to do, not shackled by debt and get to spend an amazing amount of time with our kids.
I used to care what people thought and said but I could care less now. Hate it or think whatever you want; we are riding the wave of life the way we want to instead of sheepishly living it the way society says we should.
Sounds good Brad! Looks like your plan is working and you’re doing what’s best for your family. I wrote this post for Stay At Home Men everywhere to stand up, and be proud! Don’t let women who look down on men for staying at home get us down. We must fight back and live like we want!
Good job getting out of debt. How many kids y’all have now?