There's a classic saying, “Youth is wasted on the young.” It's meant to convey that those who are young lack the perspective to appreciate all the advantages of youth and thus take it for granted.
After more than seven years of being a parent, it is clear to me that not having kids is a huge benefit for achieving financial independence and being able to retire early (FIRE). The problem is, people without kids don't know how good they've got it. As a result, they waste their extra time on activities that don't propel them to greater wealth.
If you want to achieve financial independence and don't have kids, make the most of this opportunity. Use as much of your free time as possible to build wealth before children arrive. Once they do, you'll have significantly less energy to focus on FIRE.
Rating The Difficulty Of Achieving FIRE Without Kids And With Kids
Before I had kids in 2017, I would give achieving FIRE (Financial Independence, Retire Early) before age 40 an 8 out of 10 on a difficulty scale. FIRE to me required saving 50%+ of my after-tax income for 13 years, investing 90%+ of it, and not splurging on wants that don't create value. It also required me to come up with a way to exit a well-paying job with money in my pocket thanks to a severance package.
After having kids in 2017, I now give achieving FIRE before age 40 a 6 out of 10 on the difficulty scale for those without children. Yes, it can be difficult to forsake fun experiences and luxury goods, but it gets easier over time because you simply get used to living on less. Further, the amount of extra time and energy one has to work harder for money is a huge benefit. As a full-time parent or working parent, you often end the day completely exhausted.
If you have kids, I rate achieving FIRE a 10 out of 10 on the difficulty scale. Maybe even an 11 out of 10! It is practically impossible to retire early with kids unless you inherit a lot of money, are already rich, or force your spouse to keep working while you live the good life.
There's a reason why the vast majority of FIRE influencers have working spouses, spend a lot of time online making money, or don't have kids. Kids are expensive, and there's too much at stake not to generate income while they are still at home.
My Wife Was Full Of Joy And Energy Before We Had Kids
I was talking to a fellow dad about the grind to achieve financial independence, and he shared with me what his life was like before kids. He told me this:
“Before we had kids, my wife and I had so much fun. We'd go on weekend adventure road trips up to Napa Valley or down to Monterey on a moment's notice. For longer vacations, we would easily fly to Hawaii, Europe, or Asia for a couple of weeks at a time.
Now, we dread going on vacation because it's no fun taking care of a crying toddler and a four-year-old who gets into so much trouble. I swear, he gives us mini heart attacks because he runs onto the street, jumps into pools without knowing how to swim well yet, and constantly bashes into things.
After we had our son, the joy in my wife evaporated. She was clearly exhausted every night from the crying and feeding. As she began to cry out for more help, we decided to spend $8,000 for a night doula for one month and $5,000 for a day doula for two months. The doulas helped a lot, but it drained our bank accounts.
No Going Back To Work
When it was time for her to go back to work after three months, she didn't want to. So we decided that she would be a stay-at-home mom while I stepped on the gas at work. The pressure on me to provide was now immense because she previously made about $120,000 a year, or half our household income. In addition, our expenses went up about $18,000 a year.
At three years old, we decided to send our son to preschool, which cost $2,300 a month. That's what three-year-olds do, right? Go to school to play with blocks and learn how to play nice with others. But I swear, at least 30% of the time he was sick, getting us all sick in the process.
My hope was that my wife would go back to work after we sent our son to school, but she said she needed a break after three years of full-time childcare. At most, she might be able to give four hours of work. Unfortunately, no employer would be down with those work hours.
Then we had another boy, which started the cycle of exhaustion all over again. Our expenses went up further and now there's even less time to find ways to make more money. There's probably no going back to work for my wife ever again.
Forget about FIRE. We're just trying to keep our heads above water!”
Raising Children Drains Your Energy
A lot of people focus on the cost of raising children. However, I'd say 70% of the challenge of raising children is the amount of energy required to care for them. If you have a full-time job, you're likely tired when you get home. But then you've got to appear happy and energetic to spend the remaining three hours with your kids before they go to bed.
This time spent includes feeding, bathing, playing, singing, brushing and flossing teeth, and storytelling until 8-10 pm. If your children have after-school activities they need to attend, you've got to take them there first, usually for an hour, then commute home.
By 9 pm, and oftentimes 10 pm if your children refuse to sleep, you are absolutely a wreck. Instead of opening up your laptop to work on your side business, you'd rather just watch YouTube videos and relax. The idea of doing anything else beyond work and childcare is comical!
Tag Teaming Childcare and Running Financial Samurai
It is largely due to my wife's nighttime childcare that I was able to fulfill my goal of publishing three times a week on Financial Samurai for 10 years starting in July 2009. However, besides writing and commenting on Financial Samurai for 15-20 hours a week, I had little capacity for taking on a part-time consulting job given my fatherly duties.
It took a global pandemic for me to accept a book deal and write “Buy This, Not That: How To Spend Your Way To Wealth And Freedom” from 2020-2022. Otherwise, I would have declined. Homeschooling during the pandemic for 18 months was a full-time job.
With my wife editing my upcoming book and managing all the back-end work on Financial Samurai, she is also fully occupied as a mom. We are both constantly exhausted and could use the reprieve of full-time school for both kids.
Don't Waste Your Precious Energy If You Don't Have Kids
If you don't have children and want to achieve FIRE, please don't waste your energy doing frivolous things. Sure, enjoy your freedom, but also work harder than the average person so you can be promoted faster and paid more. If you're not feeling appreciated, speak up and get a better job if your firm won't recognize you.
On the side, start a business or do some consulting. In retrospect, working ~60 hours a week and writing on Financial Samurai for 15-20 hours a week during personal hours was easy before kids. I should have spent even more time writing! But at the time, I thought this amount of work was hard because it was all I knew.
I had no idea how hard being a parent was because I didn't have any male role models who were full-time fathers. All the fathers I knew worked full-time jobs and told me being a parent was great. The thing is, they either all had stay-at-home spouses, had grandparents who provided support, or had full-time childcare support with nannies.
If you don't have to spend a lot of time taking care of your kids, then of course it's easier being a parent. But without a large support system, parenting is draining, and it will be hard to focus on FIRE.
Easy To Spend A Lot More Money On Your Kids Than On Yourself
Anyone who wants to achieve financial independence and retire early must save and invest as much of their income as possible. After a while, saving 50%+ of your income gets easier. You learn to live a frugal lifestyle for the chance to be free sooner than the average person.
However, once you have kids, your willingness to spend on them shoots through the roof! After all, you want what's best for your kids. As parents, your responsibilities are to love, house, nurture, and educate.
The money you planned to go to fund your FIRE target will end up getting funneled to your children. Here are some examples of how your expenses could rise.
The Safest Family Car
Instead of being happy with a Honda Fit, like we were, you may end up buying a larger, more expensive vehicle because you're afraid of getting T-boned by a reckless driver. That could be an extra $30,000 – $50,000 expense right there.
Since you're focused on safety, you're likely going to pay up for the safest car seat, followed by the safest stroller. Can you imagine something happening to your precious baby that could have been prevented if you had just spent $300 more? You wouldn't be able to live with yourself.
The Nicest Home In The Safest Neighborhood
Instead of being okay living on a busy street in a ho-hum neighborhood, you may decide to look for a nicer house on a quiet street in the best neighborhood. That move could set you back $500,000 – $5,000,000, depending on where in the country you live.
Instead of having a sidewalk as your backyard, you're going to want to find a home with lots of usable land for your kids to play on. Young kids have so much energy, you'll want to let them outside and scream their heads off in a safe space.
So once you see that perfect house with a huge lot and nerve-calming water views, you may bid on it with all your emotion. Unfortunately, other households imagine raising their children in such a wonderful house too, and you get outbid. The emotional toll of living in suboptimal housing may drain you to the point of being willing to pay whatever it takes to own a nice home.
The Healthiest Foods
Given you've bought a safer car and own a nice home, you're not about to skimp on buying the healthiest organic baby and toddler food, are you? Of course not. Your body is your temple! Why eat junk food and risk creating health problems down the road when you don't have to?
Unfortunately, the freshest foods cost 50% – 100% more than average processed foods with pesticides and questionable additives. But for the sake of living long enough to see your children become independent adults, you're also willing to spend more on eating better.
Then there's the matter of working out. The more you exercise, the more tired you might become. The more tired you are, the less energy you may have to work and make more money to achieve FIRE. It's a balancing act between staying healthy and maintaining productivity.
The Need For Health Insurance
If you retire early, you will no longer receive subsidized health care insurance from your employer. Once your income is over 400% of the Federal Poverty Level Limit, then you've got to pay unsubsidized health care insurance premiums.
For my family of four for a silver plan, we pay $2,500 a month, or $30,000 a year in health care premiums. If we actually have to go to the doctor, we pay even more in co-insurance and co-pays. We got charged $3,500 for a 20-minute ambulance ride when our daughter had an allergic reaction. Each of our two Emergency Room visits cost over $1,000.
The more people you have in your family, the more health problems and bills you are bound to have. Without receiving healthcare subsidies, the cost of healthcare could eat up a lot of your retirement income.
Paying for unsubsidized health care insurance with no steady day job income can be scary. As a result, having both parents retire early with kids is tough. Health care costs is consistently one of the top reasons why both parents are too afraid to FIRE.
Saving For A Great Education
If fine foods, a safe car, a nice home, and expensive health care aren't enough, you've also got to save for your children's college education. After all, education is what will set your kids free to live independently.
After 15 years of writing on Financial Samurai, I clearly see the high correlation between wealth and the people who religiously read about personal finance topics, and those who do not. Those who do not are much less wealthy than those that do. Yes, reading Financial Samurai is free, but college is not.
The average lifetime income earned by college graduates is still much higher than the average lifetime income earned by those with only a high school diploma. As a result, you will feel uncomfortable not sending your kids to college.
Unfortunately, the cost of college is outrageously high and will keep getting higher over time. You don't want to saddle your kids with student debt when they graduate, so you must save Coast 529 Plan Target amounts for each. We’re talking $700,000+ in the linked example.
That's right, not only do you need to save and invest enough for traditional FIRE, you've also got to create Coast FIRE plans for each of your children's college education costs. As a result, good luck trying to accumulate enough investments to cover your basic living expenses with kids. It's likely not going to happen.
You Don't Have To Spend So Much On Your Kids
Kids can be as expensive or as cheap as you choose. You don't have to spend excessively on them. The fear of not spending more money on your kids stems from potential regrets once they're adults. But you might start wondering:
- If we had bought a safer vehicle, maybe he wouldn't have suffered a concussion that sent him to the hospital for three days.
- If we had fed her better food, maybe she wouldn't have developed diabetic symptoms.
- Had we saved more for his college education, he could have attended a higher-ranked school and gotten a better job, rather than graduating with nothing but sadness.
- Had we bought that home in the safer neighborhood, he wouldn't have been bullied and mugged multiple times on his way to school, thereby developing a childhood trauma that affects his adulthood.
The more you care about your kids, the more you'll likely spend on them. You can certainly try to spend the least amount possible on your children, but it will go against your nature if you love them dearly.
Remember, the one ingredient necessary to achieving financial independence is FEAR. The more you fear for the well-being for your child, the more you will use your resources to minimize their chances of hardship.
FIRE Choices For Those Who Want Kids Or Have Kids
If you want to FIRE and have kids, there are two main choices:
1) FIRE first, then have kids (the easier route)
Set a target date for having kids, and do everything possible to boost your wealth before then. This target date must be reasonable according to biology, as having kids after age 35 naturally becomes exponentially more difficult. The earlier you meet someone and know you want kids, the more time you'll have to save and invest accordingly.
The benefits of FIRing first and then having kids are numerous. First, you'll get to spend more time with your kids than working parents. Second, it's easier to be more present with your kids because you won't have to constantly worry about work emails, meetings, and trips. Finally, you should be able to develop a stronger relationship with your kids that lasts a lifetime.
The biggest downside to this plan is that you may wait too long to have kids since achieving traditional FIRE is challenging. If you feel you waited too long, especially since you already knew you wanted kids, you may be filled with regret. The older you are when you have kids, the less time you or they will have in each other's lives.
Depending on how much wealth you accumulate before having kids, you may also constantly worry whether you have enough money to provide for them. If you can't control your desire to give your children everything, you will constantly feel like you're in a deficit. Luckily for older parents, I figured out a solution to minimize the regret of having kids late.
2) Try to FIRE after having kids (the harder route)
Where there's a will, there's a way! To FIRE with kids you will likely have to work harder than you ever thought possible to make more money. You may also have to take more calculated risks to boost your investment returns.
Even if you reach your FIRE number, you will likely experience the “one more year syndrome” and continue to work. It's just too scary to leave a steady job behind when you have people depending on you.
Although giving up a day job while you have kids may go against your nature, you can make adjustments to make it work. You'll need to cut down on expenses, manage your income to get subsidized health care, and set a FIRE target date. Babies and young children (under 10) just want to spend all their time with you. If you can do that, you'll more than make up for the loss of money because time with your children is priceless.
To ensure your family's survival as FIRE parents, you'll likely need to generate supplemental retirement income. In the worst-case scenario, you might prohibit your spouse from joining you in early retirement. Crack that whip!
Controlling lifestyle creep is vital for remaining FIRE after having kids. If you can embrace public schools and live in an inexpensive home in a low-cost area, your chances of remaining FIRE with kids increase significantly.
Not Having Kids Makes FIRE Much Easier
So there you have it, folks. If you want to achieve FIRE, don't have kids. It's almost a walk in the park compared to trying to achieve FIRE with children. Please make the most of your free time.
There is one benefit of having kids from a FIRE perspective I'd like to mention. That is, once you have kids, your desire to provide may shoot through the roof. You'll walk to the ends of the earth to take care of your family. When you have an important purpose, you naturally get motivated to succeed.
So don't be afraid of your kids keeping you on the corporate treadmill forever. If you want to FIRE badly enough, you will figure out a way to get there.
Reader Questions And Suggestions
Do you think it's almost impossible to FIRE with kids? What are some other things that make FIREing with kids difficult? Do people without kids realize how good they have it in terms of more time and energy?
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The problem with contemporary life is that it front loads both FIRE and having kids in early adulthood. Basically from age 22-40ish you’re saddled with: get a good career, find an ideal long term mate, make lots of money, travel and explore life. Yikes! So most people tend to pick and choose priorities as it’s draining to try and nail all these objectives…and still enjoy life on a daily basis (without resorting to stimulates, therapy, etc). Americans are also inclined to do everything themselves as families, and it’s draining. Especially after age 40, god bless those with the energy to work full time and raise kids without a live in nanny. And a live in nanny requires serious bucks, hence the desire for FIRE, hence the vicious circle. All I know is that life post 40 FIRE is much easier without kids. It all depends on your personal desires and priorities, but don’t put yourself in a seemingly impossible position to succeed.
Lastly FIRE requires you to take investment risks (high growth) more than penny pinching IMO. And in your younger years you can take more financial risks, be it start ups, aggressive stock investing or real estate speculation. So, choose your battles wisely!
It’s funny how some people think the post is a recommendation not to have kids. No, the post is to make people aware that building wealth while also wanting to achieve financial independence and retire early is damn hard. Therefore, to not waste your energy and time when you don’t have kids doing stupid things that build no wealth.
Having kids is not the problem but the way you waste money on them. Having children was the best thing for us and financially we got a lot of tax brakers. And not everything is about money, actually the more important things aren’t, A fulfilling life is more about to create permanent blood and family ties forever.
Great! Have kids set your family back on achieving FIRE at all? I’m always interested in hearing balanced feedback between building wealth and raising kids.
FYI, this post is for people who want to FIRE and have kids, not so much for people who won kids and are happy to work until their 60s and beyond.
I had 4 kids in my 20’s and I don’t regret that for one second. We will all die at some point and I want to die surrounded by my kids (and grandkids) not alone.
Money shouldn’t have any sort of impact on the decision weather to have kids or not. I’m kinda over the FIRE thing and articles like this only push me further that direction.
Married people with kids are the happiest people in the world.
Get married young and have more kids then you can afford
Totally agree with you. This post scares the hell out of anyone who wants to have kids. Money isn’t everything. This kind of attitude has driven Japan to what its now. They got a irreversible problem. They work work and work until they die. Even if folks achieve FIRE by 40’s they might not have to drive and energy to raise kids. FIRE is a pathetic framework.
This post is to encourage people without kids to not waste their time on frivolous things because once they have kids, it’s gonna be much harder to FIRE.
How many kids do you have and I will have the affected your journey to financial independence?
There’s nothing wrong with having kids and working until your 60s. That’s normal. I’m just talking about those who want to retire earlier. To be aware of the time and energy a text to care for children.
I like most of the financial advice on this site. But i still cannot understand why anyone with an able boby and mind would want to retire early. Is that a thing in the United States or what?
It is. I think because of the grind culture here where the goal is to make a lot of money, people burn out and wanna take things easier and do something else that’s more fulfilling.
What is it that you do for work that you enjoy so much? And do you have children?
Hi, thanks for answering!! Yes i have two teenage kids. No easy task i must say!
Why do you asume i enjoy my work so much? I dont hate it, but i dont love it either. Its an Ok job (i work in construction management). What i LOVE is that i have a job and it helps us pay the bills.
As i said, i like your financial advice, and we try to save (and now invest, we just bought a small land lot in the outskirts of the city) as much as possible and live within our means.
But please, dont take it as an offense, but it seems to me that everything i read here is kind of optional in the United States. Dont like your work? get another one. It seems to me that you expect your job not only has to pay your bills, it must also provide you with exhilarating experiences and satisfaction!
Dont like your job? but it pays so much that it will afford you to retire before your 40s, to do exactly what? since many here dont seem to value having a family.
You seem to take for granted all that you have in your country. What would you guys do if you didnt have all those options?
Correct, everything is optional in America, because we are the land of the free. We are also a country full of abundance.
Personally, I feel life is too short to not do something you enjoy. So after 13 years in finance, I made a change.
I don’t want just a job that pays the bills. Yes, I also want a job or an activity that provides a lot of meaning. Why not if it can be achieved?
Here’s a related post: https://www.financialsamurai.com/ikigai-is-why-you-shouldnt-be-afraid-of-retirement/
What country do you work in?
Thank you Sam.
Born and raised in Mexico.
Cool. There are probably cultural differences regarding work between the two countries. I think there’s a reason why so much innovation and so many of the largest companies in the world come from America. It’s part of our capitalism society.
That’s great and absolutely rational. You’re willing to have kids in your 20s and put the career second. What is it that you do now? And what is your partner do?
To be OK with working for 40+ years after high school or college is amazing. Many of us who wanted to FIRE did not get so lucky us to find a career they could do for their entire working lives.
The thing about kids is they will take every bit of disposable income that you have if you let them. Think of yourself as a very disciplined spender and saver? Your kids don’t care about your discipline. As soon as they are old enough to know about super star YouTubers (younger than you’d think or like) they will think that anyone who makes under a million a year is a simp and is very middle class. Then one day they’ll tell you what they want to do when they get older and you’ll have a hard time not laughing at them because archeologists make dirt (ha) wages and a historian’s earnings are good for a person they might study from a 100 years ago.
I’ve always been very forthcoming about money with my kids. We don’t talk about how much money mommy and daddy make per se, but we do talk about how all of that money has a job to do—some for short term savings, some for long term saving, some for the house and food and utilities, some for transport, activities, discretionary, a huge chunk for the common good (taxes) etc. I’ve always taught them that you don’t just get a check with your wage to do whatever you want with. So my kids know all that and still they think we are just getting by. And in some ways they aren’t wrong because so much of our earnings go toward stuff for them there isn’t nearly as much left over as there could be or should be given our mid 6 figure combined salaries. Sam, it’s almost like they’ve read your posts that show how a family of four living in an expensive coastal city can burn through 400k-500k salaries like butter.
Hello Sam and other readers,
Loved the article on having kids and FIRE. I have a bit different perspective some might enjoy. For me the answer was to have a child late (50yo) with a wife 30 years old. I was a reluctant father and pretty much thought it would be my wife’s hobby. But after a few months that all changed. I’m a college professor so it is basically a part time job with a reasonably large salary, four months off a year, pension plan and it is a life time gig. (I should write a book about the total scam of being a tenured prof…most turn lazy and unproductive the day they get tenure). But having a daughter! What fun!! During Covid she was 9-10 years old and went hiking, biking, snorkeling, sailing (Hobie 18), kayaking and got her SCUBA certified.
Do I have a million saved for her college? Hell no, I’m a US citizen living on one of the US protectorate islands. I’ll send her to college anywhere but US. Until they have reasonable gun control i have no intention of moving back or sending my daughter there. My daughter is half Japanese so universities in Japan are possible…there are great universities all over the world.
Sorry, this got long. My point was a kid can be so much fun…I can’t save at the same rate as before but she gets any dance or music lesson she wants.
If you hate your job I can understand FIRE but having a daughter has brought more fun and laughter to our little family of three than I thought possible. BUT I was already financially secure…not by SF standards but enough. I wouldn’t trade the extra money I could have saved for the immense fun of raising a kid. I only wish she didn’t have to grow up!
Don’t let FIRE become your identity and thus a higher priority in your life! Your identity should come from your faith, your spouse, and your kids. Your job and money should be way down on the priority list in your life. The job is a means to the real world…your faith, your family, and your evenings/weekend/retirement with your family.
Being a good husband or father should always be a higher priority than FIRE. Yes kids are hard (we have 2 close in age) but there is no investment that is worth more or has more dividends than to see them grow up and become men or women with a good head on their shoulders.
Can’t agree with you more. Having children is a commitment, financial stress, and a big chore at first. Like you said there is no bigger reward in life than seeing them grow and become good and successful people. The same holds true when we become grandparents because grandchildren become our biggest joy. Having children was a big motivating factor in our case to reach financial success also.
Spot on post Sam. I think it is very accurate. I hate children, so thankfully did not have any. Seeing what most of my friends go through parenting, I can’t even imagine how tough it must be. We managed to FIRE comfortably 12 years ago, when I was 34 – not having to spend the time and money needed for children certainly helped. Some of our closest friends now are a few couples in our age bracket (40s) who are also retired with no kids, simply because they have the time and resources to do cool stuff with us year round. Almost all my other long-time close friends are married with children, still working hard in their 40s. Unfortunately, we don’t get to see them nearly as much, as the kids & work treadmill, with no end in sight, seems to take precedence over everything else!
congratulations on your great achievement.
Also, maybe it would be interesting for you to consider that in some cases (certainly not all) caring and working for those kids wellbeing can be unmeasurably more fulfilling than pointlessly traveling to places and doing “cool” stuff.
What was your net worth at 34 and what is it now?
Having kids inadvertently brought me closer to FIRE. Pre-kids, I had a much lower price tag for my time. Now, with kids (and homeschooling them), my rates have increased by more than 5X simply because I absolutely love being a dad, and any time away from my kids now demands a premium price tag. I never expected my clients to actually pay my rates—and they didn’t—but the new clients that showed up all did.
I had let go of the idea of FIRE and simply embraced being a dad, and I’ll be damned if it didn’t end up being the secret ingredient to making FIRE achievable.
Point being, becoming a parent demands time, so don’t be afraid of demanding a higher price tag for your time. Sometimes shifting your priorities to align with your values may end up rewarding you in unexpected ways.
Realistically, try FIRE enough so at least one parent is flexible enough so nobody is too stressed out and the family could live with one modest income. Limit the number of children too. 1 to 2 at most. I don’t see people FIRE easily with 2 plus kids unless there is big inheritance, very high paying job beforehand, or winning the lottery. No kids, anybody with decent income could FIRE, diffixulty 5 out of 10. With kids, save enough so one doesn’t have to get burned out between jobs and young kids.
Hey Sam,
I largely agree with the points in your article.
I’m a Dad to a 1.5 year old and am actively pursuing FIRE. My wife and I are fortunate to both work high-paying jobs (I’m a consultant and she’s an electrical engineer) in a MCOL area (suburbs of Dallas).
For us, FIRE still feels very obtainable, but we also only plan on having one child, and also work to save aggressively. Our savings rate is about 25% pre-tax and 40% after. I don’t mind delaying my FIRE milestones if that means giving my daughter a great life.
One thing that really resonated was I’ve how shocked I’ve been at how much less energy I have now compared to before we had our daughter, but I’m more driven and motivated than ever both to FIRE and to continue to excel in my career to provide for my family and give my daughter a great life.
The biggest challenge so far has to been to try to keep energy levels up. I’ve also been working hard on my health ever since my wife got pregnant and have lost over 70 Lbs to get to a healthy weight. It hasn’t been easy wearing all the different hats and getting things done across so many different areas of life, but it’s a worthy battle.
Appreciate your article and the effort you put into writing this!
– Drew Cordell
Nice job losing 70 pounds! That’s great! Good idea to stay as healthy as possible to try and be around for our kids for as long as possible.
Achieving your FIRE target is one thing. Actually both of you walking a way from steady paycheck with kids is another. Keep most posted if you take the leap of faith!
The only people who say raising kids is easy are those who either don’t have kids, have kids but didn’t do that much childcare, or are too senile to remember how hard it was/is when you’re in the trenches.
It is rewarding to be a parent but undoubtedly exhausting as you say especially while juggling work and many other responsibilities.
True. I get judgement from people without kids all the time. All I can tell them is to try having kids first to see what it’s like before judging.
As a single, child free woman who fire’d last year (YAY!!!!) I couldn’t agree more with your post, and thank you for stating the truth so honestly. I was pressured for decades to have children, and I feel Western society as a whole does a huge disservice to young adults by encouraging them to have kids with no thought of the impact on their time, energy, money, and more generally quality of life. If you truly genuinely deeply want kids, by all means have them, just don’t do it because your parents/extended family/all your friends etc pressure you to. If you have doubts, check out the “regretfulparents” subreddit, look at the size of its readership, and think about what it’s like to be a child growing up in a household led by parents who resent and regret your existence. I’m 53 and every year I’m happier with my choices. FIREing was the icing on the cake.
Congrats for enjoying your life and being free! I’ll check out the subreddit. (Yikes! Lots of venting https://www.reddit.com/r/regretfulparents/s/sQYCDIAzyO)
But I will also say that kids are truly amazing and has given me much more purpose and meaning to keep going. For this, I’m grateful.
I’ve never left a comment on one of your posts before, but this one was not my favorite. We all know that child bearing and rearing is an essential element of thriving economies. Economies fail when there are too many takers and not enough producers. Certain European leaders recognize this dire problem and are incentivizing child bearing. For example, Hungarian families who have 4 or more children are no longer obligated to pay income taxes. What a deal!! While it’s likely easier to achieve financial independence more quickly without children, the counter argument is you’ll achieve financial freedom faster WITH children rather than without them because you’ll be more motivated to provide. After all, what good is wealth if we have no one to share it with?
You’ve got to be kidding me. I am lmao at this comment. No one should be incentivized to have children if they do not want kids or are unable to support them physically, mentally, financially. Just think about how the welfare system has failed.
As for a “deal” for those with 4 or more children in Hungary – have you ever tried to raise 4 or more children yourself?! Please try raising 4 kids full-time as a stay-at-home parent for 25 years in today’s society, and then come back and revisit your comment.
Plus who’s to say wealth isn’t good if someone is childless? There are plenty more ways to share wealth besides only with one’s children. Consider their significant other/spouse, parents, siblings, nieces, nephews, cousins, local communities, schools, countless charities, etc.
If you don’t incentivize having kids, then countries like Japan and many Scandinavian ones wouldn’t exist.
The Institute of Family Studies posted an excellent article on whether Hungary’s postnatalist policies have been effective. It’s a good read if you’re interested in the topic.
Personally, my kids are the only thing I care to spend my money on and I’m trying to persuade my husband to have one more. However, it’s only because we are very comfortable that I feel like having multiple children is a good idea. Which is kinda out of the norm because higher wealth levels are supposed to mean less children are desired, but I just don’t see it that way!
I meant pronatalist. Pls edit. Thanks.
I’m surprised at just how often posts/articles like this one ignore the glaringly obvious “other” path. The third path that many FIRE/fatFIRE double-income couples take. Having only one kid. The economics of one kid are dramatically different than 2+. In addition, the “when” question is not so strenuous. You work the pregnancy in when you can and then get right back to things. Optimizing care and educational choices/expenses is straightforward and dare I say, “relatively easy”.
DIOK (double income one kid) doesn’t roll off the tongue, but it’s a powerful path. One and done.
Is this what you did, have one kid? If so, how long did it take for you to reach your FIRE target and leave work? Did your spouse also retire early?
Yes, one kid. To your point though, we waited until after professional degrees (PhD’s and MBA’s) and careers were well established before having the one in our late 30’s/early 40’s, after which it was only about 10 years since the kid was born before we were FI. Spouse still works because she’s the kind of person who loves to work (and loves more money). I manage the portfolio of assets. Private schools and daycare and fully funding 529’s early on, etc. are pretty easy to accomplish, when dealing with just one.
Cool. Do your best to keep her working! It is much more stressful to FIRE when both parents are not working. I actually think that dual no income parent is much harder than raising two or three kids with one parent who is working.
Has your wife ever felt envious of you for not having to work? Do you think she might regret working so much in the future when she finally retires?
Hi JD, is being a kept man considered retired though? I don’t know any stay at home mom who says she is retired,
Can you at least share how much investment income you have to cover your living expenses? Because I think retirement is pretty easy if you’re a spouse income provides healthcare benefits, and more.
What am I missing? Perhaps you are saying if she retired, your family would be OK? If so, if you could share some numbers that would be helpful.