Out of all the things you could donate your hard-earned money to, giving to your child's school might not be at the top of your list. If your children attend a private grade school with sky-high tuition, donating to the school might feel even more unnecessary.
With so much poverty, homelessness, broken homes, and people struggling through various difficulties, donating to these types of causes may be more worthwhile. Since my money is finite, I would rather donate to the Pomeroy Center, a non-profit that cares for individuals with various disabilities.
However, after donating some extra money to my children's school to help renovate its new campus, I now see some of the benefits. I wish I could give more to both their school and the Pomeroy Center. But we donate what we can as two unemployed parents looking to regain financial independence.
The Benefits of Donating to Your Child's School You Might Not Have Considered
We all know that donating money feels good because it helps others. If we have the means, we should give, as long as it doesn't jeopardize our financial well-being. Donating our time feels even better, as we make a more direct impact in helping others.
But what about the unexpected benefits of donating your time or money to your kid's school? Here are some you may not have thought of:
1) People Will Learn Your Name And That Feels Nice
One key to good communication is knowing someone's name and using it. Everyone loves to be recognized and acknowledged. By donating to your school, you'll be added to a list of donors, and everyone from administrators to the principal to other parents will suddenly know who you are.
Personally, I don't like attention, which is why I was happy to stay behind the scenes for 13 years after launching this site—until Buy This, Not That was published. During COVID, I thought it was good to represent Asian people in America. However, at school, where I see the same people regularly during drop-off, pick-up, and events, it feels nice to be greeted by name.
It's like the TV show Cheers, where you walk into the bar, and everybody is welcoming. Ultimately, everybody wants to feel loved and respected.
2) You'll Be Invited to Special Events
If you donate above a certain threshold, which varies by school, you might get invited to special events. These gatherings allow you to meet other donors and form valuable connections. If you're still working, these relationships can become business opportunities. If you're lonely, they might even lead to new friendships.
Most people tend to downplay their contributions or accomplishments to others, especially in some Asian cultures. It’s like the person who went to Harvard but says they went to school in Boston when asked. However, if you're at an event where everyone has contributed a minimum amount, you may feel less embarrassed and more comfortable being yourself.
3) Teachers May Be More Patient with Your Child (Or You)
Schools often like to recognize donors, with teachers noticing these acknowledgments in newsletters or donor lists. If your name appears on the list, especially in a higher giving tier, teachers might consciously or unconsciously be more patient with your child or you in difficult situations. Since a large portion of donations go toward supporting teachers, it’s only natural for schools to show appreciation to their most generous donors.
However, there’s a potential challenge when a donor's child causes trouble. For example, imagine you're a family on financial aid, and your child is constantly being called names and bullied at recess by a child whose parents donated a significant amount to the school. As a parent, you might feel hesitant to bring up your child’s mistreatment to their teacher or the other parent. A teacher might feel the same way as well.
In such a situation, you would hope that teachers and administrators handle the issue fairly, without putting your family at a disadvantage. You’d also expect that any parent would be horrified to learn their child is bullying others and would take immediate action. But, until you're in that situation, you can never be entirely sure how it will be resolved.
4) You May Inspire Other Parents to Give More
After reviewing my school's latest giving report, I was shocked and impressed by how much fellow parents donated. Some relatively new parents with kids in preschool are donating $10,000, $25,000, $50,000, $100,000, and even $500,000+. Seeing your peers give so much might encourage you to give more or at least consider how generous you're being.
Personally, I'm inspired to work harder and invest better so I can give more away too. After 25 years of being frugal, I've found it difficult to spend on myself.
As a result, there's a risk of being too stingy with giving as a FIRE enthusiast. As part of my quest to decumulate wealth, my goal is to donate more. It's a tough balance given we still have mortgage debt, young kids, college tuition, and no jobs. But I'm going to try!
5) You Can Land a Board Seat and Gain More Status
School boards provide governance and strategic oversight to ensure the school’s long-term success. Although board positions are unpaid, they boost your status within the school community. Serving on the board is a sign that you have expertise, connections, and financial influence.
For stay-at-home parents, being a board member could be the ultimate occupation, especially once your kids are in school full-time. The issue is, you probably have to donate a significant amount to be considered. We're talking $100,000 or more at some private schools.
If my wife had a high-powered, high-paying job and I had a regular job or no job, I can't think of a better role than being a school board member. Being involved in your child's school and its immediate community will make you feel special.
6) You might help your business or job prospects
If people start to know you are a generous donor, they might naturally gravitate more toward you. If you ever decide to look for a new job, they might feel better about hiring you. Alternatively, if you're looking to raise capital for a business or have something to sell, you'll likely gain more support from the school committee as a donor.
7) You Might Help Your Child Get into a Better School
If your child's current school doesn’t go from kindergarten through 12th grade, they'll eventually need to apply to a new grade school. If you're a generous donor, admissions offices will likely take notice, especially if you're also a board member. Schools value highly involved parents who contribute, as it attracts other like-minded families.
This isn't like the college admissions scandal where parents were bribing their kids' way into school. There is no quid pro quo for receiving donations if a child is admitted with a wink wink either. Instead, it's an understanding that based on the parent's track record of giving, there is a high likelihood that more giving will continue once their child is admitted. As a result, long-time donors may give their children an edge in admissions.
The Reality Of Admissions
During our grueling preschool admissions process, I quickly learned how money and power matter. We applied to several schools with a “lottery system” designed to promote diversity. Even with acceptance rates at 5%, we figured why not since the application fees were all the same and I thought it would be a nice experiment to share. Unsurprisingly, we were rejected from all of them.
Meanwhile, a high-profile, wealthy friend got into all four of the preschools they applied to. Statistically, this was nearly impossible. The probability of getting accepted into all four schools, with each having a 5% acceptance rate, is 0.000625%. However, I later learned that the admissions director would bump certain applicants up the list if they wanted their child to attend. So much for the “lottery” system!
We know that kids of legacy donors have a 70%+ acceptance rate at Harvard versus <6% for the overall admissions rate. We also know that many schools of similar stature conduct similar practices for the wealthy and powerful. This is the way the world works, and the rest of us have no choice but to compete with what we have.
8) You Might Make Your Kids Proud
Social status can be even more important for children than it is for adults given they don't have jobs. If their parents are big donors, they might receive more respect or admiration from their peers, though they might also face envy.
I remember, as a middle schooler at the International School of Kuala Lumpur, the coolest kids were often the wealthiest. Their parents drove Mercedes, Audis, and some even had drivers. Kids would sometimes mention their entrepreneurial parents, their royal lineage, or their homes in Damansara Heights or Kenny Hills, two of the most expensive neighborhoods.
My parents, on the other hand, were U.S. Foreign Service Officers. At the time, I didn’t think much of their status as government officials. But in college, when I found out that the U.S. Foreign Service Officer Test has a low single-digit acceptance rate, I gained a newfound respect for their achievements!
You Might Also Become Proud Of Your Kids
By regularly donating to your child’s school, you may also cultivate a culture of giving in your children, teaching them the importance of supporting the community. They might end up pursuing admirable careers that focus on helping others. Best of all, they might develop empathy, thoughtfulness, and kindness.
When people reach out to me for advice on Financial Samurai, I can often tell who the thoughtful ones are based on how they introduce themselves. They’ll first introduce themselves, then mention they've supported my work or read something of mine. After that, they’ll politely ask a question about their situation. Then there are those who ask me for something or ask me to do something as if I’m their employee.
If you develop a culture of giving, I’m confident that better things will come your way.
9) You Can Extend Your Legacy
If you donate enough, you might get a courtyard, gym, hallway, or classroom named after you or someone you care about. As long as the school stands, your name will be associated with it. As you get older, you'll likely think more about your legacy, and donating to your children's school is one way to ensure it endures for years to come.
To have something named after you in college will require millions, or even tens of millions, these days. It's the legal way the ultra-wealthy get their kids in elite private universities. But for a grade school, you could have a classroom named after you for “as little as” $50,000. The longer the school continues to operate after your donation, the greater your return on investment in terms of lasting recognition.
10) Don't Have to Donate All at Once
Finally, I learned that you can spread your donation commitment over several years. For instance, if you pledge to donate $100,000, you can break it up over five years or longer, making it more manageable for your budget. It's like a layaway plan or a “buy now, pay later” option for the school.
While the school takes on some risk that a parent might not fulfill their entire commitment, they likely end up receiving more donations overall by offering this option than they would otherwise. Over time, this creates a reliable stream of donations each year, which can be factored into their pro forma budgets.
In addition, you don’t have to donate cash either. You can donate your stocks through a Donor Advised Fund, a tax-efficient way that may make giving easier. You might find donating stocks easier than donating cash because, after a while, stocks can feel like “funny money.” When you earn profits without having to do any work, it’s easier to let go of it.
Donating Money To Your School Is Probably A Good Idea
Obviously not every parent can donate thousands of dollars each year to their child’s school, and that’s okay. Parents should give at a level they feel comfortable with. Donating is a personal decision, and there’s no right or wrong approach.
What most schools emphasize is the importance of the participation rate, not the amount. Even if a parent can only donate $100, that contribution is highly valued by the school. Unlike the broader society where 40-50% of working Americans don’t pay income taxes, schools aim for a much higher participation rate from parents. More involved parents typically result in better schools and better outcomes for students.
Let’s also acknowledge the reality that wealth brings influence and power. That’s the way the world works, and it’s unlikely to change. If someone donates $100,000+ to a school, it’s reasonable to expect they’ll receive some special treatment compared to parents who do not. After all, they certainly didn’t have to donate such a large sum.
If you want to support the school but feel stretched financially, consider attending a fundraiser dinner or event. You can make a date out of it with your significant other and view it as part of the entertainment cost. That way, you’ll feel better about giving while enjoying yourself. The school will also appreciate your in-person involvement.
Parent Volunteers Are Always Needed
Finally, if you really can't afford to donate money to your school, consider participating in the many volunteer activities available. Schools always need extra helping hands, especially when it comes to managing younger children. There are field trips, holiday events, book readings, cleanup events, and more for parents to volunteer.
Recently, I volunteered with several moms during picture day for 2nd graders and preschoolers. We helped the kids by patting down their flyaways with wet wipes, holding up mirrors, and keeping the line moving. The kids were so silly! It was fun chatting with the moms who had older kids in high school and hearing how their experiences changed over time.
Volunteering offers a great way to stay involved and build connections with other parents and school staff. You might even get to pop in and check up on your kiddo once you're done. That's always fun!
Anonymous Donations
If you prefer not to receive much recognition for your donations, you can always donate anonymously or have your name listed as “Anonymous.” Of course, your school will still know that you donated.
The fun part about being an Anonymous donor is that you feel a kindred spirit with other anonymous donors. You can easily flow from being an anonymous donor in the $2,000 bracket to the ones in the $500,000+ bracket!
No matter how much you give, donating is an act of kindness. You could have easily spent that money on a new pair of shoes—or, in some cases, even a new car. But you chose to donate to your school, which is a wonderful gesture.
Readers, do you donate to your kid's school? Are you still donating to your grade school or college as an alumni? How do you determine how much to give? Do you see any other benefits of donating to your kid's school?
Enjoy my favorite clip about donating anonymously and the concept of “faux anonymity.” It provides insight into the psychological and social implications of how individuals choose to present their charitable actions.
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In San Francisco, we had three kids in one of the most prestigious K-8s. With all three kids when you looked at private high school acceptances they PERFECTLY correlated with perceived family net worth (because who really knows?). It was fascinating. Then we watched the exact same cohort go to college and any child that got into a highly selective school, it just happened to be where their parents (typically the Dad’s) went to college. It’s just how the world works and once you make peace with it, it’s a lot stressful.
So in other words, there’s a high correlation with wealth and getting into top-tier universities.
Looks like legacy admissions is now illegal in California for 2025+.
Can you share where your kids went to school and if your family were a regular donors every year? Three kids in private school in San Francisco is a lot. It’s something I’d really struggle with. Thanks.
I’ll keep the school private but single sex top tier. Yes, we donated every year but at a mid-range not highest level. And yes, I would say there is a VERY high correlation between wealth and getting into a top college BUT these kids are often pretty amazing, so not that they don’t deserve it, just there are a lot of great kids.
I think the best question a parent considering private school could ask (if they care) is could I see the college acceptance list — which is usually public — and then ask if they would share how many of the kids going to Ivy Plus and Stanford were legacies? Close to 100% I would imagine. Might be different with legacy admission being illegal but I imagine there are a lot of work arounds and the development and admission offices will still know.
The good news is you can get a phenomenal education all over the place and in CA, the community college system is amazing for an ambitious kid.
What is considered mid-level donations every year? Some people have said basically $1000-$5000 in donations a year.
At the end of the day, do you feel sending your kids to these private schools in San Francisco was worth it? Has it been any type of strain on your finances? For high school, that would be $180,000 a year after tax. I would think one has to make at least $700,000 a year gross to feel comfortable paying that tuition.
Some friends have told me that Marin County is great for lifestyle and public schools. However, I’m not down with the homogeneity over there as well as the sleepiness. I would be too bored I think.
We decided to go the language immersion route because I think being relatively fluent and another language is worth at least $500,000. But I’m still unsure whether this is the right path. Guess I won’t know until after.
Definitely no perfect answers. Yes, of course it was a strain on finances. Overall, I think private school was probably not worth it. My wife would argue that private school is a good option for a less bright or lazy child because that child could sink to the bottom in the public school system but will be kept a bit more afloat with more guardrails in the private system. If they are very smart and ambitious they will be fine in any system. If I could do it all over, I would find an awesome public school in a family focused town, (not necessarily Marin because I agree with your take on it), or a great Jesuit school.
Thanks for sharing. After seeing how much some people donate, I’m not so sure some families feel financial strain paying for private grade school education. I am truly blown away by some families and abilities to donate six figures.
It’s interesting, because after 13 years of private school tuition, or we could easily give our kids $500,000 before college if they had gone to public grade school.
Great points. It sure takes a lot of man power, resources, and funds to run a school. The best schools have very active volunteer communities as well as donors. Even if parents aren’t giving huge amounts, having high participation rates makes a big difference. Some schools also have very high to 100% donation participation by teachers. Schools really use these stats to keep their communities engaged and involved.
Also, I have seen parents with difficult kids donate significantly to their schools. It’s like their way of increasing the chances their kid will stay enrolled. It’s tricky but I can understand both sides.
Excellent points. We give to our school fairly significantly. We use a donor-advised fund – which is an excellent tool if you want to bunch up your donations to qualify for itemized deductions (given how large the standard deduction is). We created the DAF when our child was in early learning because I figured that we would probably be giving 5-10k or more a year over 18 years – so figure 200k of donations not including college etc. I don’t think we received any special attention from teachers – but probably some in the administration. This is the case for sure for others that gave at the top level and I can agree 100% that it will help you get a board seat if you wish. That said, being on the board is a genuine time commitment and a lot of work so please don’t join a board if you aren’t going to dig into the role. PS. *LOVE* the Curb Your Enthusiasm Clip. Priceless!
Definitely a time commitment to be a school board member. They do a lot to help provide the right direction for the school.
Donating $200,000 over the course of your child’s great school journey is impressive. Do you mind sharing your net worth or income? I’m trying to figure out what a good percentage to give is to a school.
Our net worth is not yet 20m but comfortably over 10m. Nothing significant was inherited, so this is hard-earned money. During the pandemic, we both changed jobs and are making a *lot* less. It’s been a shift in mindset – mostly for the positive.
There is this notion that in your youth you have time and health, but no money. In your earning years you have health and money but no time and in your elder years you have time and money but no health. I am of the view that there is a magic period of life where it makes sense to take your foot off the gas because you have time, money AND health. The problem is people chase money for too long until their health declines. It’s a real trap. The pandemic helped me rethink that and reframed my obsession with money over other priorities. Money can compound but you will never get more time with your family or your health back. I would note there is an excellent article about how even the super-wealthy are terrified of losing it all!
https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2011/04/secret-fears-of-the-super-rich/308419/
Fear drives a lot of negative behaviors. Working endlessly for the next dollar – or fear of giving it away.
As the net worth increases (now mostly exclusively thanks to compounding) and I age I am more comfortable with giving. I have a former client who made this a part of raising their children – with a small foundation and the children evaluating which charity they would donate to and even presenting checks to a new charity each year. It was AMAZING to watch and made the children thoughtful about their fortune as well as their responsibility as future stewards of the family wealth.
Very cool. Do you have a formula or anything on how much you decide to give to your kids school every year? Because there are so many other things to give money to as well, I’m wondering if there is some type of Guide we can use for giving. We know that the average American gives about 3.5% of their income a year. So that’s a start.
I think that magical age when you have your health and wealth is in your 40s and 50s. Your 30s are still filled with a lot of financial uncertainty if you did not inherit anything. In retrospect, I should probably have worked until 40 and not left at age 34.
When do you think you’ll call it quits? And how old are you guys?
Unfortunately, I don’t have a percentage formula. I would say about 80% of our donations in a year go to our school/s. It was only after having a child and going to an independent school that I began to put more stock in charitable giving. I would say that our annual contributions in total are probably 3-4 percent of income before taxes. Income can fluctuate so I feel like the variables are income, net worth and age. You should probably contribute a lower percentage when you are younger and have less financial assets/income. You should probably contribute more if you have a lower income but have a top net worth and are older. An ideal formula would probably take all of these variables into account.
I am in my mid-50s and my wife is 50. We pivoted in very early 2022. So we were closer to the 40/50 “magical zone” you have also identified.
We now love what we do professionally even if less money – there is always an opportunity cost that comes with the extra $ – typically one exchanges time (on the road, away from kids, family) for more money.
I have seen high earners make the pivot of trading $ for time and not looking back. More frequently I see people with magical net worths who have egos and are dangerously enmeshed in their title and career that have no ability to see that they are sacrificing limited time with their wife, children, family for what is every year a less meaningful incremental dollar. The same is true with the aversion to charitable giving.
A couple years into our post-pivot we are focused on new priorities. I call it the “joy maximization” framework or Joy per unit of time. Rediscovering tennis, bike riding, playing games – all of the stuff I loved as a kid but got squashed out of us hard as a 24/7 professionals. Learning and being curious as an adult is seriously underrated. You don’t get paid a lot of money to learn. You get paid money to execute on something you’ve done 1000x. After some time you become, well, somewhat joyless and kinda boring! Another tradeoff and you probably don’t realize it.
No successful business on the planet doesn’t reevaluate its goals and strategic objectives at least (if not more than) once a year. As individuals it’s hard to have similar discipline and so easy to just hit the repeat button on the goal of having a job that generates lots of cash, nice vacations and a new car every few years. If everyone around you is doing the same thing – how could it be wrong?
Sure more money is nice but like everything there is always an opportunity cost. Zero income statements have income without costs. My advice is to do an annual review of the personal value income statement and see if you aren’t running at a net loss. You might be making a lot of income but without examining the (personal costs) associated you really aren’t managing your life! A few adjustments here and there can lead to a lot of personal happiness and “value creation” in your family life!
To answer your last question – I really don’t ever want to call it “quits” because I get a lot of value (outside of income) from working. Our jobs *now* don’t rob us of anything, they are contributory to our lives and meaning without consuming or robbing us of other things we value (as is often the case when lots of income is involved). One of my struggles as I get older is to evolve my thinking about work and purpose. We are all living longer so it makes sense that our working lives should last longer too. What society hasn’t been so great at is helping individuals navigate that journey. If you are going to live until 90 I’m not sure it makes sense to collect a gold watch at 65. Moreover – big companies are not interested in carrying people until 65 so many former executives I know got the gold watch and a nice package at 55. They are now left to wonder what will occupy their time and give them meaning for the next 35 years (or over 1/3rd of their life!!)
Very cool you find so much meaning in your work. What is it that both of you do?
My wife now is an independent journalist. She has been able to write features for major national newspapers and magazines. I’m exceptionally proud of her. She is in heaven researching and writing her pieces. I would never recommend trying this because it’s incredibly difficult to pull off – especially with the major publications. It enables her to be creative, earn some modest income, and be present for our child after school and on weekends.
I pivoted out of a large AMLAW 10 firm and in-house as a public company with a very lean legal team. It’s like working for a large startup! The people are phenomenal. I learn something new every day and I don’t have to pitch new work or bill in .1 hour increments or justify ridiculous hourly rates. Best of all I get almost a month a year of paid vacation. Until this gig, I had never taken more than a week off in my entire professional career. I can’t believe I survived as long as I did!
There is a *great* book that I can recommend strongly. It’s Annie Duke’s book – Quit. I read it after we had both made our pivots but it all made sense to me in retrospect. Our modern culture seems to celebrate “grit” and grinding it out but there is a *ton* of value in being mindful of when a pivot makes more sense. Intelligently quitting can actually open you up to more success and happiness. It’s a secret unlock. You need to read the book but I guarantee it will change your perspective.