Are you wondering how to make people happy all of the time? I'm not sure that's a wise endeavor, but let's see if we can try.
When I was ruminating on whether or not to go back to work after two years of absolute freedom, my friends all thought I was crazy.
“What if your boss is a micromanager who makes your life a living hell?” questioned an ex-coworker.
“What's the point of saving and sacrificing for so long if you're just going to jump right back in the fire?” wondered an online buddy.
I told them I was getting bored. As a professional writer, every experience, good or bad, has the potential to be a treasure trove of good material. Writing is so much easier when you're emotionally charged up.
I've had a compliance woman throw me under the bus during a group meeting and a guy promise me one thing and do something totally different. It's been awesome! I truly love the pain because pain makes everything else feel so much more pleasurable.
When you have a lot of freedom, you start taking your freedom for granted. Going back to work to be a “yes man” is a great way of keeping the appreciation of freedom alive. This post offers a simple way to make people happy all the time. If you're someone who fears getting laid off, this one is also for you.
How To Make People Happy: YES SIR! YES MA'AM!
Writing is a very individualistic endeavor. Ask five writers to write about a narrow subject like “how to tie your shoes” and you're likely to get five very different results. One of the keys to being a good editor is to not inhibit the writer's creativity, while offering constructive
After one year of creative freedom as a consultant with a certain company, the graphics department gave me a ridiculous 8-point guideline on what pictures to use with my posts. It had already been hard enough to choose pictures in a 2:1 aspect ratio (really wide and short) vs. the normal 3:2 aspect ratio format. Now they were adding additional hoops to jump through in order to pass quality control.
After the two pictures I selected for a post were rejected, I was frustrated. These were my choices that in my opinion matched with what I had written. Who knows better than the writer himself what matches and what doesn't?
It was as if the tail was wagging the dog where the picture was more important than the actual content. If I managed an art or photography blog, the images would be most important. But I was managing a site where written content is King.
Just Take Orders Well
Instead of complaining, I came up with a solution. Have the creators of the 8-page picture guideline create a repository from which any picture may be chosen. In this way, writers would no longer waste time finding the perfect picture, only to have it rejected by the picture police. Brilliant!
I could have objected to their objections about my picture selection because it suppressed my creativity and dampened my motivation. Instead, I said, “Happy to accommodate.” What I did was a little jujitsu. To make them happy, I put the onus back on them.
But guess what happened to this amazing suggestion? They never created the picture repository. As a result, they could no longer nitpick about the pictures we selected. Months later, the creator of the picture bible quit. Classic.
Lesson #1: Always accommodate a request no matter how dumb. Even if the person has no experience with what she is asking you to do, just tell her “yes ma'am.” When it becomes apparent what she is asking is unreasonable, simply ask her to provide you examples of her work to mimic.
If she is a fraud, then she won't be able to come up with anything, and will therefore leave you alone. Your goal is to smoke out people who only tell people what to do, but don't know how to do it themselves.
How To Create More Happiness
When you are an employee, you are expendable. Always remember this. You can be thrown to the streets with the next bin of shredded documents at any time. An employee must know his or her place. The more you need the money, the more you must be respectful to everyone.
As a masochist who likes money, I find working for a company as a consultant to be extremely exhilarating. While it's great to be the boss of my online media company, there's something magical about being relieved of responsibility and just doing what you're told to do.
Some People Have No Experience
During my tenure at another company where I was in charge of managing and writing content, I was told a new full-time person was to assume the Head of Content role. As a consultant, I didn't care too much and was looking forward to working with this new hire in order to learn new writing and content marketing techniques.
It turned out the new hire had practically zero experience writing any content! I couldn't find one single publication of his on the web. He didn't even have his own website. Further, he had no idea about online content marketing because that wasn't part of his role at his previous firm.
As a creative, I tried my best to say “yes sir,” but I couldn't hide my lack of respect for someone in charge of content who had never written content. It would be one thing if he had been the editor at an online media company like Business Insider or The Wall Street Journal, but he wasn't.
Because I could no longer fake my enthusiasm by quiet quitting, I offered to resign. And that's when things got interesting. The Head of Content person started to panic.
We had emergency meetings with the CMO and CEO about how we could better work together. But I wanted none of it because I knew my value to the company as its content creator, editor, and manager of a team of writers. If management hired this person for big bucks above me, then they should try to get their money's worth from him.
Money Gives You Options
When you are financially independent, you have no problem voting with your feet by leaving. At any rate, we worked something out, so I stayed on for a little bit longer. Two months after joining, the new Head of Content was fired. Finally, management saw through the smoke screen.
Lesson #2: Know your worth and don't be afraid to move on if you feel under-appreciated. Management will realize who are the producers and who are the dead weight. You will make your bosses happy by making them realize your value.
DO AS YOU'RE TOLD AND LIKE IT
The key to making everyone happy is to do as you're told. Whether that person has the relevant experience to tell you what to do is besides the point. This is where so many people get in trouble because they don't respect authority. Even if you are older and have more experience, suck it up if you need the money!
The goal of this post is to make other people happy, not you. After a while, always doing what you are told will probably make you pissed off and miserable. But because you make other people happy, other people will start liking you. When other people start liking you, you will get paid and promoted and eventually get to come out of your shell and play.
My biggest weakness as an ex-employee is not being able to fake my feelings well enough to create a massive support network. If I did, I would have probably made Managing Director at my old firm by age 35. If I don't believe in something, I will butt heads. This is a career limiting move.
If you just can't stand bowing to other people's demands you don't respect, then your only two choices are to negotiate a severance and find another job or be your own boss. Staying at a job with people who don't inspire you will suck your soul dry.
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Related post: Solving The Happiness Conundrum
It’s amazing to think of what people will do for the money. Idk if anyone like Triumph the Insult Dog from Conan over here but he recently did a special where he asked Democrats to say what policies were important to them. Then he offered them $50 to read a card complimenting Goldman Sachs. All of them chose the $50
I can definitely relate to the idea that having to deal with crap in your full time job leads to blog material (my own blog is essentially built on that premise), but I’m not quite as masochistic as you. Once I achieve financial freedom, full time work can kiss my you-know-what.
Making everybody happy is taxing, impossible, and all in all just not worth even attempting. In customer service, every person wants something different, and they all want something directly opposed to what your employer wants. Even businesses themselves don’t understand it, bending over backwards to avoid having a single unhappy customer rather than following the Tim Ferriss 80/20 rule. You can’t make everybody happy. Just do what you can to get ahead and move on.
Sincerely,
ARB–Angry Retail Banker
Just remember, once you achieve financial freedom, it is actually hard to tell others to kiss your ass! Trust me man… all the fantasies you have regarding telling off your annoying customers probably won’t happen b/c you suddenly feel like Andy Dufresne and stop caring about those annoying folks anymore.
I just started a new job with a new company. At my previous company, I committed a couple of mistakes at the beginning, establishing myself as outspoken. It wasn’t horrible because through my tenure there I was well liked by most of my stakeholders. I was a great individual contributor and people liked my work. But I know that it was a detriment if I wanted to move up. I was lucky to have great managers who didn’t care…Too busy with fighting other battles. It was more get the work done attitude. In my new role, I’m making an effort to be more of a “yes of course you are right” person. It sucks, but you get used to it. Hopefully, it will lead to promotions. I will let you know in a couple of years if it works out. At this point, work is $, and $ is a path towards FI.
“I truly love the pain because pain makes everything else feel so much more pleasurable.”
I’ve always believed this with regard to physical labor (which is why my kids will always be my lawn care company), but I’ve never been able to embrace it while being thrown under the bus by a coworker. That stuff lingers with me for way too long.
I’ll try to focus on that the next time things/people run amok.
God, I have to print this article and give it to every new hire at our work. I hate to sound like a cliché, but I am encountering more and more of entitled attitude amongst the new hires from younger generation. We have brought on a new guy , 25 y.o only a year out of school, as contractor on board to see if we like him for a permanent position. You would think someone in this situation will want to try to impress his employer!!
We had to teach him to call into work and let us know if he is running late, and once when I told him what our expectations are from him on a daily basis ( basically from every employee). He just said : Well do you factor in my thoroughness? Because I have noticed most of you guys are not as thorough as I am, that’s why I take longer than you guys to perform the tasks !!
One other thing that I am noticing is that most of these kids really didn’t have a real job growing up ( remember flipping Burgers, or working at Macy’s).
As you said : Employees are Expandable not Special!!! I suppose some people will learn it the hard way.
And yeah not wanting to babysit younger employees and fill the gaps left by their own parents in their upbringings is another motivation for FI and saying F-U and walking away when things get unbearable..
You will enjoy this article then! https://www.financialsamurai.com/worst-bad-jobs-that-can-make-you-rich-and-happy/
I feel everything is rational. Your contractor probably doesn’t want to full-time job, therefore don’t give them one. Give it to someone who really cares.
Good stuff! I would not last long in that kind of environment. I doubt I can ever go back to work for a company now. Any BS is too much BS! Well, maybe if they pay me a serious amount of money. Even then, I don’t think I can put up with it long.
Well! At this stage of my life, working for people, I really don’t care about making anyone happy in that organisation. And I never will. I would be more inclined to make them unhappy. I guess I’m not smart enough to play dumb to get ahead because I don’t want to. I am not interested in moving forward with the company. Playing dumb would hurt too much though.
Well written post, Sam. In the age of individual narcissism, it is good to see you say what it takes to build a successful corporate career. Of course, you may have a boss dumber than you and co-workers could be dumb, egoistic or manipulative – or worse, all of the above! None of this should alter your fundamental reason of why you are working. The hype on entrepreneurship, which I expose in my article, has unfortunately created more silent victims in its wake than what a straightforward employment career can provide. But no, the powerful but wrong narrative of ‘cubicle prison’ has corrupted the mindset of many young people and they fall into survivorship bias about FIRE which, without their realizing, actually makes their FIRE dream that much more distant!
Your writing style never fails to disappoint, Sam. I’ve never heard of “voting with your feet by leaving” ever before. Great analogy.
I can’t believe the Head of Content was hired when he didn’t produce any content before. It makes me wonder how he got the job in the first place, maybe he’s just a really great talker / interviewer but in the long run, everything becomes visible. Wonder what the company was thinking when they decided to hire him.
Huh? What?
“How To Become A Professional Ass-Kisser” ISN’T one of my dream professions!
If you want to make people Happy there are better, more productive means…like trying to stir up some Trouble in a mind-prison company so the employees open their minds and THINK on their own…
Hi Sam,
As a boss most of the times I just want people to do as their told. Sometimes, employees will disagree with me and want to argue their point of view. What they don’t realize is yes they are right some of the times, but if I did it differently than I’m gonna hurt “Suzy’s” feelings. Suzy in turn is going complain to her boyfriend “Johnny” at the loading dock. Johnny in turn is going take a longer lunch and miss the shipment. Because we missed the shipment I’m going to spend the next few days traveling to the customers site and assuring him his shipments will be on time next time. Because I had to travel I missed my kids soccer game. In turn my wife gets mad at me and I end up sleeping on the couch.
Please do what your told so I don’t have to sleep on the couch.
Thanks, Bill
Not being able to fake feelings long enough is an incredible career liability. I’ve found that when I “Yes ma’am, yes sir,” long enough, I can usually find value in everyone, including people that I thought were mouth breathers.
Oh my gosh, this post brought back some awful memories of my last job. Everyone there was great EXCEPT for my immediate supervisor. She was irrational, and not very intelligent, and childish. I couldn’t stand working for her. But I still did the “yes ma’am” thing and then went home and screamed into a pillow. She was really, really awful.
The good news is that she made me so angry that I decided to consider going to law school. I was really burnt out in school by then and didn’t want to go back, but she provided a new motivation. I nailed the LSAT and that was my signal that it was time to move on.
I’m soooooo much happier now as a lawyer at my current firm.
I’m in the same boat. I’ve been a Content Strategist/Writer for 15 years for Fortune 500 e-commerce companies. I’m financially independent so stopped working 2 years ago. And I’m getting bored. I tried volunteering for non-profits I feel passionate about but the work available didn’t satisfy me emotionally. For example, there’s a huge need in the charity world for phone banking, outreach, grant writing, fundraising, etc. I’ve tried all those things.
Here’s what I miss from corporate life: the excitement of being on a team and launching a product, the camaraderie, working with super smart and talented people, and good company benefits. What’s holding me back from joining a company again? Unlike you, I don’t like to write. I just did it for 15 years because I’m good at it and it pays $$ at big Internet companies. Plus I don’t have the tech savvy that’s required these days.
Not sure what I’m going to do to get out of this boredom funk. But a person could have worse problems, eh?
Anyway, I’ve been reading FS for a couple of years and want to tell you that you’re my favorite blogger.
Really enjoyed the read!
I feel like all the complainers out there need to hear this. It just makes me think of those people that complain that they’re not getting a promotion, or are unhappy with their job, but do nothing about it.
To answer your questions, I think doing what you’re told is definitely a good way to get people to like you. Especially if you do it with a good attitude and don’t put up any debate about it.
I like to think I’m more of a non-conformist and usually do the opposite of others. And I definitely am willing to sacrifice ego because I’m focussed on doing whatever it takes to reach the long term goals.
As for that situation with a boss, I generally try to avoid any confrontation to make the managers role easier, but there are ways to respectfully suggest something. If it was an important enough matter, I would attempt to provide my opinion in as delicate a way as possible.
I really do enjoy being employed as a doctor. I’m just told where to be and at what times, and I take care of the rest. Unless I do something ethically wrong or clearly against the companies best interest, I will be left alone. This keeps my work challenging and relatively low stress at the same time.
But I also have a couple of side hustles which give me full autonomy over what I do. It’s the quality and quantity of my work that will determine how much I make. This also has its advantages. I love being able to find ways to scale up my side income by working more or more efficiently.
Doctor plus side hustler? Great combo! I agree. It’s nice to be told what to do + have full autonomy over your own creative activities.
For example, wouldn’t it be fun to get managed by a 25 yo who has little experience, lots of debt, and a small salary? We’ve all been there before, and it’s fun to relieve those years through someone else. Get a beer at his place where he’s renting a room and then hitting a local dive bar after. So fun!
I’ve gone through both sides of – taking it and liking it, and putting up a fight when I disagreed. As more time went on, I stopped putting up a fight because it tended to just make things worse for me and I’d get too stressed out. Even if my boss couldn’t understand that his way was inefficient and suboptimal at times, arguing became too frustrating and took too much energy.
I was probably one of the most vocal in voicing my opinion amongst my colleagues when our boss seemed out of it, and I think that was largely because I used to care SO much about my job. I wanted to us to do things the BEST way all the time. Towards the end of my time there, I cared less and less about my job and just went with the flow. It sure made things easier.
If things were going to go down the drain, it didn’t matter to me anymore because I planned to leave. I also began to realize that a lot of the times my boss was stuck between a rock and a hard place in his suggestions because his hands were tied from above. So, trying to argue against him was also trying to argue against the clueless “gods” above who ruled everything – total waste of time and energy.
I am going through this myself currently as you describe it. Interestingly enough with some cases (micromanaging) it almost doesn’t get easier for us when we give in, because they just micromanage more! How painful.
I totally agree with not worrying about the place or product going “down the drain.” Once you have made your suggestions and they are ignored, a clear indicator is being given to you on how to handle the situation.
+10 comment!
It is ironic that the more you care, the more you want to speak out to do the best thing. But the unfortunate reality is that the more you care, the more you should let your bosses and the “Gods above” make all the decisions and stay agreeable, even if you think they are making the wrong decisions.
Jujitsu requires you to support your bosses in victory and in failure, b/c they are human too. When you are seen as a loyal soldier, you will more easily ascend. Bosses want to see their employees as extensions of themselves and as advocates.
This post hits home for me. When I started a new job a year and a half ago, I told myself I wouldn’t make waves, so I have happily agreed to do whatever I’ve been asked, no matter how ridiculous it is. It does seem to make people happy, but just like Sam said, it is making me “pissed off and miserable.”
I would be willing to put up with this if it looked like there was some big upside potential, but I work for an Asian company, where the only thing that really matters is seniority, so if I want to advance in the company, it will be a long slog.
That’s not going to work for me, so I’m planning my early retirement and can’t wait until I can waltz out the door.
If it’s any consolation. I’ve worked for Japanese, German, and American companies in SF area. The office politics and bureaucracy is same everywhere. If you want to have a shot at moving up, you need to learn to please the game and praise the senior people unfortunately. Even then, the upside potential of windfall is fairly low with mid to large companies.
The only companies with a realistic huge upside potential are smaller rocket ship companies at its early growth stages ala Facebook, Google, Amazon, Microsoft during their earlier days.
Sounds painful. But seniority based off age and time at a firm really is commonplace, regardless of ability. And the older you get, the more you will expect the same type of respect, regardless of ability.
Work on that side hustle on the DL!
On reading this, I am reminded of the “Parable of the Ups and Downs” by Bob Terry. Enjoy!
“What makes an Up an Up and a Down a Down is that an Up can do more to a Down than a Down can do to an Up. That’s what keeps an Up up and a Down down. The Ups tend to talk to each other and study the Downs, asking the Downs about what’s up—or what’s coming down, for that matter. The Downs spend a lot of time taking the Ups out to lunch or to dinner to explain their Downness. The Ups listen attentively, often in amazement, about the experiences of being down. They contrast one Down’s experience with another Down’s experience and don’t worry too much about what the Downs are up to because the Downs never get together. If they did, the Ups would have to shape up. After a while, the Downs weary of talking to the Ups. They tire of explaining and justifying their Downness. They think, “If I have to explain my Downness one more time, I’ll throw up.” And so they form a process which they call “networking and support groups.” This act makes the Ups nervous. Three Ups together is a board meeting; three Downs, pre-revolutionary activity. Some Ups hire Downs, dress them up, and send them down to see what the Downs are up to. We sometimes call this “personnel and affirmative action.” This creates a serious problem for the Down who is dressed up with no sure place to go. That Down doesn’t know whether he or she is up or down. That’s why Downs in the middle often burn out. Sometimes what the Ups do to smarten up is to ask the Downs to come in to a program one at a time to explain their Downness. The Ups call this “human relations training.” Of course, the Ups never have to explain their Upness; that’s why they’re Ups rather than Downs. There’s good news and bad news in this parable. The good news is, we’re all both Ups and Downs. There’s no such thing as a perfect Up or a perfect Down. The bad news is that when we’re up it often makes us stupid. We call that “dumb-upness.” It’s not because Ups are not smart. It’s that Ups don’t have to pay attention to Downs the way Downs have to pay attention to Ups. Downs always have to figure out what Ups are up to. The only time Ups worry about Downs is when Downs get uppity, at which time they’re put down by the Ups. The Ups’ perception is that Downs are overly sensitive; they have an attitude problem. It is never understood that Ups are overly sensitive and have an attitude problem. I used to think that when Downs became Ups they would carry over their insight from their Downess to their Upness. Not so: smart down—dumb up.”
His take on it all is nicely summarized as follows and speaks to leadership, togetherness and being careful about boundaries, in the workplace or otherwise:
“Are we grasped by the injustice of the issues that need to be addressed? Are we in dialogue in up-down relationships so that we do not have blind spots? Are we in motion to address issues in collaboration with others? Our goal is to get rid of arbitrary up-down power relationships. We should not have up-down relationships based on color, gender or anything else that is arbitrary and capricious or has to do with how we’re born. Rather, we need to find ways to stand side-by-side, so that as we look out at the world together, we can eliminate any of the barriers that keep us from building an authentic, vibrant, human community.”
“When you are an employee, you are expendable.” Oh so true. As a cop and Marine, so many of my peers get an inflated ego and forget this. One wrong move and you can be gone.
Always doing what you are told is a great way to go (especially if you have plans on heading to the top)! The only downside is when you run into situations where “what you are told” is illegal or unsafe. A perfect example: being ordered to take flash photography of a weapons cache you are recovering in the middle of the night a few meters from where the bad guys are sleeping.
Outside of those two caveats, I’m a pretty big sell out. Rule #1: Do as Daddy Does. Rule #2: Always know who Daddy is. Between these rules my employment has always been pretty simple. Without financial independence (yet) I know exactly who signs my paycheck.
I already surrendered my ego two years ago. I left behind my seniority in a larger organization to be the new guy at a much smaller operation in exchange for a better paycheck and lifestyle.
And in answer to your question, if the boss won’t be swayed by any other means, you are left with judo and Jedi mind tricks to gently persuade. Otherwise sometimes you have to take the loss. You don’t play chess without losing some pieces. The goal is to lose strategically.
“Rule #1: Do as Daddy Does. Rule #2: Always know who Daddy is”
WONDERFUL! So smart. You should write a post about this.
I love the judo moves.. you can do that on friends and significant others as well :) Make them believe it’s what they want, and make them takes steps for you to help them help you help them. YES!
Thanks for the inspiration, Sam! I crafted a post for my audience based on this and it was very well received!
Hi Sam,
I agree it can be an internal struggle to agree with someone whom you know doesn’t have the same level of experience you do…and oh yeah is wrong :-).
I’ve found in my work experience so far that it’s good to talk less and listen more to bosses. Sometimes when they do solicit your feedback, I’ve found that it comes off a little bit more gentle when it is in the form of a question (e.g. – how about if we first check with our current supplier to see what they think may be the reason for late deliveries recently rather than researching new ones?) This way, you can get your bosses approval too and ask instead of just state your opinion.
Yes. Practice jujitsu on your bosses…. make them think it’s their idea, or make them question their own decisions.
Even getting myself on my journey to financial freedom has changed my relationship to my job. in my full-time work, I am a temporary employee hired to do one task. There is absolutely no chance for promotion. Knowing this, I do precisely what I am paid for and nothing more. When they try to add new tasks, I ask for more pay. When they add new constraints, I say no thank you. I am okay with knowing I’m replaceable, especially because I know that they are far easier for me to replace than I am for them to replace. I have institutional knowledge and they would need to train up any replacement. Knowing this, I am far less subservient than the other temps who haven’t made a switch in their mind. They feel reliant on this job.
It’s great that you are pushing back to ask for more compensation if they ask you to do more work. Totally logical, especially if you are a temp employee.
If you really love the job and want to move up though, subservience is a requirement.
This seems like a pretty straightforward way to make your superior happy. IMO, each person has to draw a line in the sand and choose a limit to this kind of “yes sir” behavior.
For example, I once had a boss who loved to butt heads with me; everyone told me that they felt he was threatened by me and was trying to intimidate me as a result. As part of his intimidation tactics, I was asked to take action in a few unethical ways. I wasn’t left with much recourse, unfortunately, and to be honest, I didn’t really care much about making the guy happy – I just had to get out as fast possible. Maybe if I had gone along with his puzzling demands I would still be in this role. But I would also be miserable myself.
True. It’s up to you on how much lip-biting you must endure to get to what you want. The higher you go, the more political it gets. I have a real problem w/ conformity when I don’t respect someone. At the same time, I’m supportive and loyal to death to people I truly admire.
Doing what your told at work is usually a good thing… but there are certainly times when leaders want others to think for themselves and make decisions (within reason). At the same time you’re most likely not going to have people telling you what to do constantly. You need to take initiative and come up with new ideas, new projects, etc. It’s hard to say a blanket statement that “always doing what you’re told” is going to keep people happy at all times.
I too just agree most times, work on things I know will break and then show to management alternate solutions. They somehow appreciate this and not push back so much when they learn to understand that I am motivated by getting the job done right versus avoiding it. They need to see you are a team player first before liking you as a person. Of course having to be financial free would definitely get me more vocal. I am almost there – just another 3 years and I think I am good.
Correct. One must be LIKED first. And people they like are generally very agreeable and supportive. The higher you go up the corporate ladder, the more POLITICAL it gets. A massive support network must be created.
I was shooting cannons LEFT and RIGHT the last two years. I didn’t care. I was sick of the BS, the non correlation with performance and pay, and freely spoke my mind. Of course, I wanted what’s best for the company and organization, but I would regularly call out absurd things.