If I have one pet peeve in life, it's when people are late. I absolutely cannot stand it when people are late. My face starts contorting after 5 minutes, and I think about walking out and rescheduling on my own damn time after 15 minutes. If I don't get a text, e-mail or a phone call with a heads up, you are on my sh*t list until you do something to make it up.
Someone important, let's call him Dr. Shivago, asked if he could speak to me at 7pm this past Sunday. Given the importance of this individual, I decided to cut my dinner short to focus on this business call. At 7:20pm still no call. At 7:25 I get an e-mail from his secretary apologizing that Dr. Shivago needs to reschedule for another time. WTF! Who does Dr. Shivago think he is, a C-level executive of a Fortune 500 firm? Yes, that he may be, but I don't care.
All was going well with the business proposal until this incident. I refuse to even consider doing any business with Dr. Shivago until he sends a personal note apologizing for his inconsiderateness. Don't go asking your secretary to reschedule and apologize on your behalf. Apologize directly to me. Have honor.
A LESSON IN SIXTH GRADE
I was 5 minutes late for 6th grade writing class when Mrs. Lubon scolded me in front of everybody and told me to go sit in the corner. She screeched, “Punctuality breeds credibility!” She also told me to stop snapping bras, but that is a different story. I felt bad for my tardiness, and despite being really annoyed I couldn't shoot spitballs at my buddies, her life lesson stuck ever since.
There is one simple reason why people are late and it pisses me off. The reason is because they believe their time is more precious than your time. It's not because they are disorganized, have bad time management skills, or are stupid. Someone who is late is selfish, and believes they are more important than you. There is no other explanation. If you want to be on time, you will be on time.
If you are late to a business meeting, interview, or of anything in importance you can kiss your chances good-bye. Practice saying “buh-bye” to yourself. Say it again and again if you are a perpetual tardy machine. You deserve to fail, and fail miserably at that.
THE FLAKER
The equally annoying person is the flaker. The one who promises to be there and always bails at the last moment because something always comes up. Since we realize that everything is rational, the reason why flakers flake is because they don't believe spending time with you is worth it at all. If the person wanted to be with you, they would be with you. We don't live in a maximum security prison!
Guys, get a clue. After the second time she cancels on you last minute or forgets to call back, forget about it! She simply doesn't want to spend time with you. If she did, she would be all over you and then some.
Have a two strikes and you're out rule. Your time is much too precious to bother with people who don't respect your time. There are literally millions of people in the world for you to meet. Flakers aren't any of them!
IF YOU ARE LATE, YOU ARE BEING DISRESPECTFUL
The quickest way to ruining your credibility is being late and flaking. Avoid flakers and tardy people like the H1N1 virus. They are disrespecting you, so you might as well never bother with them ever again.
Readers, what are your thoughts on flakers and those who are always late? Any nice ways to tell them to screw off or at least convey your disappointment? Should I sweep aside my principles and do business with the flaker? What are your pet peeves?
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Keiju,
Sam @ Financial Samurai – “Slicing Through Money's Mysteries”
I am a chronically late person, and I have struggled with self-loathing my whole life. Posts like these make me feel much worse about myself. But I discovered something recently- I’ve had ADHD this whole time. My lateness was not because of disrespect; it was because of a chemical imbalance in my brain that I was genetically predisposed to and had no control over. I’m starting meds soon, and hopefully that will help. But it is rather narrow-minded to take others’ lateness so personally and to condemn late people so harshly. I completely understand the frustration that comes when early and late people clash- I see it firsthand! But I think this post is too harsh.
Yup, blame ADHD, (the fake disease) for the fact that you can’t pull your head from your neither-regions to get your rear in gear. Fix yourself you lazy useless excuse of a person.
“The fake disease” spoken like a true caveman. Be more mindful of scientific discovery. ADHD is a real disorder, and has been studied with decades of research. Real ADHD subjects have proven neurologically abnormalities that cause a disconnect between synapses. Their brain functions lower in areas like speech, thought to language cognitive relay, and spatial recognition. In the last 40 years, it’s been better understood due to the creation and public utilization of the internet. Like a person with Parkinson’s disease, there’s different levels and progression. Some people, with age, cognitively decline faster than others. Medication is an easy way to fix it, but it takes a hard toll on the bodies ability to create naturally create and regulate dopamine. It’s not a permanent solution, but can assist with patients who wish to undergo cognitive therapy, and non psychotropic treatment. You effing knuckle dragging mouth breathing pond water drinking cousin breeding clown. Don’t reproduce.
If you are chronically late, you have a problem that affects others in a negative way. Please work on it because others’ time is not yours to waste.
I absolutely cannot stand it when people are late. I understand that sometimes random things happen that prevent you from continuing your planned schedule but be courteous enough the let the person your meeting know this in advance.
BUT, if you are one of those people that are always late and then when you finally arrive you decide to meander off and grab a coffee because you’re tired, you do not have my sympathy. Instead I present to you your very own spot on my sh*t list.
I live about an hour away from San Francisco. I am a full time student at San Francisco State University. If I can factor in the time it takes me to get ready to leave the house, the drive to BART, the train ride to Daly City, the time it takes to take the bus to campus and still make it there with at least ten minutes to spare then yes, you suck for being late.
It is unfortunate but I have decided to end many relationships because of a lack of respect for my time. These people were all selfish and inconsiderate. When it comes to people I don’t know too well and am forced to work with though school projects or work I find that they tend to be of the same breed. Procrastinators, Know-it-alls, stubborn, usually not the brightest crayon in the box, and always aggressive when you make suggestions about their work.
What’s frustrating is that when I express my concerns to these people (classmates, ex-boyfriends, etc) even with a straight forward practical summary of what has occurred they ridicule the situation and often make a joke of it which really does it. That’s when it’s confirmed that you are in fact a selfish blank-hole and don’t respect me or my time.
I would feel comfortable getting this entire excerpt tattooed on my forearm. That last sentence is not true.
Thanks for listening/reading.
I love this. I am actually just recovering from a date my friend set up only to be more than 45 minutes late. I excused myself because i was getting very irritable as i was waiting, let alone the fact that I had spent a lot of time and money driving to the venue. I come from a country where being late is the norm, yet i have always been on time. i don’t think there is ever a good excuse for being late
PS. I am borrowing your last paragraph and posting a link of this article on my blog.
Sounds good. How did you find this post anyhoo? Always curious to know.
This happened to me yesterday, and got me thinking, that yes…tardiness is my pet peeve and it is the ultimate form of disrespect for the very reasons you cited. It shows selfishness. I guarantee you these same people would not be late for a job interview, or a chance to win a million dollars if they were one of the first 50 in the store. People are late simply because they don’t care enough about you to be on time. If you can be there 10 minutes late, you can leave 10 minutes early next time.
Exactly!
How did you find this article btw? Been a while since someone commented and I’m always curious to know. Cheers
it drive me insane when people are late. 5-10 minute leeway is granted but 15 minutes late is unacceptable unless the person communicates. Time is value and if someone doesn’t value your time then they don’t respect you and are inconsiderate. People who are late are selfish you are right about that. I’m never late and if so I know as soon as I wake up so I make the proper adjustment before I even jump in the shower. Time is all we have and we have to value it because when your time is up it up!
You hear a lot that lateness is a cultural thing. I think that’s nonsense. Anybody can be on time when it is important to them to do so. If Mexicans, North American Indians, Pakistanis, Italians, etc etc etc etc were really culturally adapted to be late, they would miss planes all the time.
This is a question I ask people who tell me they were late, or to tolerate lateness because “it’s a cultural thing”. I say well when was the last time you were late for a plane taking you to a beach holiday. When they say never, I say, oh so you CAN be on time when it’s important to YOU. I guess meeting me today was just not that important. Thanks for letting me know.
Bingo. Nobody is late for something that’s important, that they really care about. Being late is DISRESPECTFUL to the other party and selfish!
Not always true, I have a procrastination/distraction problem(most likely due to ADHD that i was diagnosed with when i was younger), I’ve always been late to everything my entire life. My mind wonders and I lose track of time. I always meet deadlines for projects though, most likely because i am able to hyper-focus on it and work all day with no breaks and have a tendency to be a workaholic. Though i tend to be drained afterwards.
If i truly have to be there on time, I’ll usually go to the extreme and literally stay over night. Though I have still been late. But as far as arriving, going to sleep, I’m either right on time or a few min late. I probably could take medicine for my ADHD. But naturally this is who I am. I did care a lot at first, but then i realized no one ever understood me. So oh well, guess life sucks and people just really aren’t worth my time anymore. We will all be dead soon anyways, 100 years is only 36500 days. Why waste it stressing out over pointless things.
How appropriate that I am responding *late* on this blog!
I, too, am a single mother, and home owner, and pet owner, and the only family I have is a 90 year old aunt for whom I care. I am very, very busy, and often find myself running late. Again, not because I am selfish, but because I have too many responsibilities. (ps, I have earned BS & MSc in engineering, and never have been late for comps or exams). Time may sometimes be a value issue, but for many others it is a resource issue. Many people on this blog, mostly men, cannot distinguish the two. Perhaps if more of them assisted those with fewer resources, say, by mowing a single mother’s lawn, watching her child for an afternoon, or helping with the overturned trash, the single mother would be able to delegate more resources to timeliness. Is the REAL trade-off for being on time having to put your kid up for adoption or selling your home? REALLY? It’s a societal problem. And not only one of time, but for expectations in general. I bet most of the people here working in financial business. What about doctors? Veterinarians? Emergency personnel? I have worked in these settings. I may be often 10 minutes late, but I don’t leave until 10 minutes after the job is done and cleaned up. I am discouraged to see that Rob Bennet chastised himself for being a ‘P’ personality. Thank God! I don’t want to be a ‘J’ that has to control every 10 minutes of his life! It is the ‘P’ people that bring art, culture and character to life! And the ‘P’ people that are flexible enough to work those offset, unknown crazy emergency hours on which everyone else depends when it’s THEIR emergency! Thank God for ‘P’ people! If you want control over all your and everyone else’s 10 minutes to be determined credible because Wall Street demands it, so be it. I find I value and am valued for the services I provide my community, regardless of the time that I do it. If you took a minute to get to know your lateness perpetrator, you will know whether they are valuable or not.
Thanks for your thoughts. Believe it or not, it’s 55-60% women reading this site.
I found once I started getting up a 4:30am, I could get a lot more done. Have you tried getting up earlier?
You may think it’s OK to be late due to your business, but it is still disrespectful to the person waiting for you. It becomes a negative cycle that only you can course-correct.
I run 10 minutes late for everything; I’ve tried setting alarms. I don’t think my time is more valuable than yours. I’m a single mom with too much on my plate. Have you ever gotten totally ready with time to spare got out to the car and saw that raccoons got into your garbage? Would you leave it there until later?
My mom was always 10 minutes late, even for church…
I know I need help with this, hence Googling the topic and reading your blog. I feel horrible every time I’m late. I need ideas, not judgement.
Set your watch and clocks 20 minutes faster, schedule things out, and think about other people.
I’m writing this because you said you need ideas, which indicates you want to change. Congratulations, you just took the first step toward being on time.
The next thing you have to do is stop blaming you mom. You are not her. You are an adult who can make her own decisions and fashion the contours of her own life. Taking responsibility for being on time is the first step, and until you do this, nothing else will work.
Second, analyze why you are late. Are you chronically late because racoons get into your garbage every day? Of course not. But from this we can read that you don’t set aside time to allow for life’s little emergencies. By the time you discover the garbage, you are probably already late. The next time you are late, stop. Think back through the series of events that made you late. Identify how much time a little emergency cost you. Next time, build that time into the time you need to get somewhere. Was there something you did that you could have left until later? What can you learn from that? (Yes, if I was late, I would leave the garbage. It will still be there when you get home.)
Third, make a point for the next week of timing how long it takes to do things you normally do. How long does it take you to get to work? How long does it take you to get the kid ready for school? How long does it take you to make breakfast? I’m betting you don’t know the answer to those questions. Once you do, you can then estimate better when you need to leave the house, what time to wake the kid up, when you need to get breakfast started. By focussing on when you need to START tasks as much as when you need to FINISH them, you will already be halfway to being on time.
Fourth, do you dawdle? Do you start out doing one thing and then halfway through that, start doing something else, then let your attention get taken away again? Focus on a task to completion. Unless you are a master multi-tasker, doing ten things at once (“too much on my plate”), or allowing yourself to get continually distracted from the main task at hand (being on time) will doom you to lateness.
Fifth, get it through your head that being late is an insult to others. And inconsiderate. And that despite your pleas to the contrary, you will be judged for your lateness every time, by everyone. Not just every time, but also in the aggregate. They will judge you to be incompentent, thoughtless, disorganized, unsuccessful and not someone they want to make plans with.
The advice from Financial Samurai above is good advice and I hope you think this is too. Best of luck.
I read all these posts with interest, doing research for a book I’m writing. I think most if not all of your commenters miss the bigger picture: there are some people who are genetically different because their alien ancestors came from different planets.
ADD people, if they set their work environment so they can work in a helixical manner, are very efficient and productive, but because of their different genetics, their sense of time if quite different. It is not linear, it is cylindrical, or helixical as it were.
Getting along with different alien beings than we are is central to a peaceful world, and this time concept difference is only one thing to consider. Draw your line (I used to say, if I provide the ride, you have to be on time) but help the other person out if you know they have a different concept of time than you. Give them a call an hour beforehand to make sure they remember; ask if you should call again.
I could set an alarm but then forget what it was for, because I get so deeply into my work, whatever that is at the time, or my food or my tv show. Time is irrelevant to me most of the time except when I have to interfect with people in real time (their idea of time).
I never schedule more than one thing every other day: one meeting, one appointment, one social event. That way I have much better odds of actually getting there on time. Or getting there at all. Even so I don’t make about half the things I would like to.
I have found work I love, an environment to do that in, and a few people/events I like to venture out to deal with. That’s enough. Who needs time?
Are we talking Klingons or Romulons?
I was once late for job interview and that changed my life forever. Now I use 3 alarm clocks for important appointment in the morning, one on night table, set alarm clock on wristwatch and my cellphone.
You all sound like crazy fascists. “Time,” as we measure it, is a human invention. The relationship is what should be emphasized, not punctuality. Really, what an arbitrary thing to judge someone by; it’s outrageous. The real world is so much more dynamic than that. Suppose an old friend stopped by, and I knew I might not see them again? Whose time is more “precious,” mine, my friend’s, or the professor with whom I have an appointment? If you’ve begun rationalizing an answer to this, then you’re already ignoring the larger picture. “Time is money” is just another concept rotting the core of the human psyche.
Love the angry response! Thx for participating.
I’ve had a problem with a business partner that is perpetually late, and I share the same pet peeve as all 800 commentors above!
I addressed this with him and we came to an agreement. For every minute either of us are late to a meeting, that person owes the other $1/minute. Of course I am always on time so it doesn’t cost me a dime. And over the past year, I’ve earned quite a few bucks! It’s not a perfect solution (being respectful and on-time would be best), but my consolation is a little extra money and his behavior has shifted sligthly in the right direction.
That’s a great system you got! Heck I’d actually root for my partner to be 10-15 minutes late each meeting then! After 15 minutes though, I don’t think I can stand it.
Sorry to comment twice, but I just read through more comments.
I am a Myers-Briggs “P”and I’m on time, so it’s not just a personality thing, as someone above claimed.
Also, this idea of people being too early, then they end up late touches on one of the reasons I think people are chronically late. They are the type of people who need constant stimulation. The idea of being early drives them nuts, b/c they might have to sit there and do nothing. Oh my god! The horror! That’s why they go to MacDonald’s for coffee and do other things, thereby assuring themselves that they’ll get caught up in something and be late.
I think that there is the disrespect issue, and the issue of believing their time is more valuable than your time, but I think also they just can’t stand the idea of just sitting there doing nothing. I usually have something with me. A book. My knitting. Whatever. But I also don’t mind just sitting and thinking or people watching. I don’t need a lot of stimulation. My brain provides it for me.
Absolutely… my pet peeve. Perhaps I should just relax? Nah, they should be on time!
.-= Jason´s last blog ..Investment News You Need to Know =-.
i love when people put there foot down and tell it how they see it. i was taught punctuality when i was a kid and if i ever have to wait it drives me crazy. Case in point:
i live in Los Angeles and 99% of the time people are late to meetings, and not 5 minutes late but 30 minutes late. it has gotten to the point that we call it the LA 30 because it happens ALL the time.
my question is why do people just leave 30 minutes earlier, you know there will be traffic and you know once you arrive at your destination you will have to find parking and then walk to the building.
i don’t get it.
If you’re battling chronic lateness, there is hope. According to the experts, you can avoid procrastination and tardiness by changing your habits and tweaking your routines.
Man! You sure do feel passionately about that one. It actually reminds me of an experience I had…
Nearing the end of my first year on the university newspaper staff, I was on my way to meet a professor for a piece I was doing on a new class offered to freshmen. Anyway, I can’t remember what happened. I think I left something at home and had to go back, which was going to make me about five minutes late. So I called the professor 30 minutes before the appointment and told him I was running five minutes behind but would be there as soon as possible. (I’m usually obnoxiously punctual, to the point of annoying anyone who is going somewhere with me. I like to prepare for all unexpected events and get to my destination 15-20 minutes in advance of the event starting.)
When I got there, the professor laid into me, cursing and yelling about how journalists think their time is more important than everyone else’s. It ruined the interview. I was so shaken up that I couldn’t even get my questions out.
So I would like to add an addendum to your post. It’s fine to believe that people who are late are disrespecting you, and I agree that people who are habitually late are disrespectful. But sometimes things come up. It doesn’t always mean the person is devaluing your time. I know you said you give someone two chances, but it sounds like you’re only giving this guy one strike. Should he have called before the scheduled appointment to tell you personally that something came up? Yes. But you never know what could be keeping someone from an appointment with you. Now, if he doesn’t call you to explain and apologize, I agree that you probably shouldn’t move forward with him. But if he does, I think you should give him another chance.
Incidentally, Unclutterer had a post on this a few days ago. Here’s an excerpt: “Second, I’m sharing this story with you as a reminder that you never know what others are dealing with when you encounter them. The person who cut you off in traffic may be rushing to the hospital. The cell phone that rings during a movie may be an emergency. The person who didn’t return your e-mail may have more important matters in front of him. None of us can read minds or know what is going on in everyone’s life — cut people slack, and hopefully they’ll do the same when you need that favor.” Just keep in mind that, yes, people who are habitually late are being disrespectful of your time, but people deserve the benefit of the doubt the first time.
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I agree, hence why I give people two chances, then I move on. Lightning doesn’t strike twice at the same spot.
In my example above, despite still no personal apology, I did end up speaking to Dr. Shivago at 11pm one day, b/c that was what worked best for him. I gave him another chance and at least he apologized for doing the call so late. But, he didn’t apologize for flaking the first time, b/c he probably had no idea what he did was wrong.
I’m surprised your Professor would rip you if you got a hold of him 30 minutes before hand and explained your situation. Did you actually speak to him, or did you just leave a msg? It’s tough to blame your professor for this situation of yours.
Best, Sam
.-= admin´s last blog ..Sometimes Saving Money Is About Principle =-.
If you only allow lateness 2 times, how often are you changing doctors? Because I think I’ve only been seen by a doctor once on time, and he was my father!
Good question! I average one doctor’s visit every 18 months over the past 10 years… btwn 3 different doctors (specialists/generalists). Half of them are late, but no more than 15 minutes. The other half, I either suck it up, or reschedule making them aware that a new appointment needs to be made so that I’m seen on time. They get the picture, and oblige. It’s a business and they listen to their customers.
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thanks for sharing your story with the visitors. Personally, I am a person who really keeps on being late. Maybe because I schedule times a little earlier than it should be. LOL
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I am a very punctual person, to the point that I start having panic attacks if I think I might be late. My husband’s employee, who works part time, is habitually late. It drives us crazy. I’m talking half an hour late on most days. He’s NEVER on time. We have reduced his hours over the past year, partly due to his tardiness. Eventually, we will get rid of him all together because we feel he doesn’t care about his job.
As for flakers, my husband’s very good friend, who he’s known since middle school, has flaked on us numerous times. So many times we have cleaned our home from top to bottom with the anticipation of his visit, only to find out hours later that he’s late because he never left and isn’t coming (he lives out of town). Because we know he struggles with adult ADHD, we’ve just had to get used to his flakiness. If it weren’t for the fact that my husband has known him for over 25 years, we probably wouldn’t put up with it! ;)
.-= Little House´s last blog ..How credit card debt consolidation can eliminate your anxieties =-.
I get panic attacks sometimes too if I think I’ll be late. I hate being late that much, and it practically never happens hence why I stress if I feel it may. I feel so guilty I provide a play by play on my status update.
.-= admin´s last blog ..The Mental To Physical Connection For A Healthier Lifestyle =-.
Samurai-san – Looks like you have another winner here. While I do agree with you, it is very much a cultural thing. Spend several months in many Latin American countries (or France or Egypt) and you will learn another side.
In the U.S. there certainly are those that are on-time and those that are late. However, is a two time rule enough to pass judgment and convict? Could where, when, who and how all lead to a little leniency? I’m just saying!
In the last 20 years I have missed one plane (last Monday!) and been late 4 times. But two of these times were with the same client. She understood that I was flying in to town, unfamiliar with the area (even with mapquest) and luckily was understanding. Then again, I also called each time as soon as I knew I was likely to be delayed.
Greg-San I’ve actually lived in many different countries before, and those which don’t really value punctuality have lagged far behind the countries which do. As I live in America now, all my business is done here, so I’m following the norms of this country.
I also think the busier you are, the more you appreciate and demand punctuality, b/c your schedule is packed, and time is that much more valuable to you.
Of course, if the plane breaks down, or the weather delays your flight for hours, there’s nothing you can do. Since you’re taking a plane, the likely closest time away from the meeting is 3 hours. Hence, that’s enough time to give your client or whoever a heads up, and they will understand. My problem is when you tell the person you are meeting AFTER the scheduled time you are late… that’s just ridiculous and unacceptable more than twice.
Cheers, Sam
.-= admin´s last blog ..The Katana: Don’t Be All Things To All People =-.
I really like this post. I admit sometimes I’m slow getting out of the house for outings without strict start times, but if I have a client meeting or am getting picked up by someone I will be ready to go with a few minutes to spare just in case of traffic/getting lost, etc.
Flaking drives me crazy. I stopped scheduling outings with friends who’ve flaked on me, esp last minute flakers, b/c I totally believe what you’re saying that they are being selfish and value their time more than making the effort to come out and spend time with me. A true friend wouldn’t do that unless their was a true emergency.
I will also always update my rsvp if I’ve had an unexpected change in my schedule. Saying you’ll be somewhere and then not showing up without any communication irks me.
Great post
Interesting point you got there JJ. Since you didn’t value your time, you definitely didn’t value theirs.
I’m VERY glad you now value your time. The older we get, the more we will value our time b/c we have less of it!
Ignorance is a shame, hence why I ask at the end how do we educate folks, or hint to folks who are perpetually late? Maybe the people who know me will read this post and learn my thoughts in this manner. I think they are pretty clear.
Hope all is well Jeremy!
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I took a leadership course for scouts some years back and one thing that was stressed was this saying: If you’re early, you’re on time. If you’re on time, you’re late.
Its not enough to get somewhere just in time. You need to give yourself enought time to get there early in case something happens.
In the dojo, we have a sensei who is always early! It conveys to the students that if he can get there on time then so can everyone else. Its leading by example.
I LOVE that saying, “If you’re early, you’re on time. If you’re on time, you’re late.” and try to abide by it always. And since you’re late if you’re on time, if you’re late you up sh*t’s creek!
Your Sensei is a true leader. It’s the same thing with organized sports and practice. First in, last out shooting free throws etc. Nice guest post on Couple Money btw!
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