Are you bored at work, searching for love and a little more money? Oh, the monotony of it all! Imagine clocking in, day in and day out with really no change to your job. You've got little risk of getting fired. And in 10 years you'll retire with several million to last you a lifetime. But, in the back of your mind, you wish you didn't have job security because you despise boredom. At the same time, you realize you've got it made and shouldn't be so spoiled in your thinking.
One day a headhunter gives you a ring asking if you want an opportunity to make 50% more money a year, guaranteed for two years. The catch? You'll be working for a startup with no such promises of job security after year two. You'll also have to move to a different city where the cost of living is also 25% higher. The hours and stress will most certainly more as well. So forget about searching for love for a while. Welcome to Kathy's world.
10 Years Down, 10 Years Left To Go
Kathy is a brilliant woman with an equally brilliant resume. She graduated #8 in her class of 6,000 from Berkeley and did a stint at Oxford as a Rhodes Scholar. What drove her during her twenties was her unquenchable thirst for knowledge. Everything she did was to answer a why or a how. How can we increase inventory turnover to improve revenue? Why are competitors expanding in the northern region while reducing capacity in the south?
A week before she turned 30, however, something happened. She stopped wishing to learn how to do things better. Instead, she began searching for love and thinking about starting a family. Despite all the progress women have made, she still feels that no matter how far she climbs, there's a void without a man to share her life with. This was 3 years ago. She's still searching for love.
Climbing The Ladder While Searching For Love
At 33, she's sadly still alone. Her ex-boyfriend broke up with her largely because she spends too much time at work. He would tell her that working more than 60 hours a week isn't healthy. She realizes it's unhealthy, but as a Senior Vice President, she has responsibilities that cannot be shirked. What really irks the ex-boyfriend is Kathy's workplace seniority and far superior earnings.
Kathy makes up her mind that she will be retired in 10 years at 43. She hopes that within a couple years she can find someone to start a family with. But, she's not forcing the issue. She strongly believes in destiny. If it's meant to be, it's meant to be she often tells herself. Her insecure ex-boyfriend can go screw himself for all she cares because she won't settle.
Related: Career Or Family? You Only Need To Sacrifice For 5 Years At Most
An Opportunity For Work & Love
The firm loves Kathy. She's hard working, praises her employees openly, and generates a tremendous amount of revenue. Her revenue generation is so impressive that her competitors secretly call her “Killer Kathy.”
Killer Kathy's phone rings one afternoon. A headhunter asks if she's willing to move to New York City from San Francisco for a new start-up firm. Along with her transfer is a two-year guaranteed pay raise that's 50% higher than what she's currently making. We're talking more than a couple hundred thousand a year more guaranteed.
If you include school, 14 years is a long time in the Bay Area. Perhaps it's time for a change. Despite generating large amounts of revenue for the firm, she's basically flat-lined over the past three years because she's already at the top of her game. Instead of progress, she's just maintaining, trying to keep her competitors at bay. It's no fun being the senior player at an established firm. When she slips from #2 to #3, she feels the pressure.
Instead, the idea of starting over at a new shop where she can create a new business model and watch her company grow sounds intriguing. She longs to build something from nothing, and hear the praise of going from nowhere to Top 10! Kathy is given a rare opportunity to build something new, with the security of a guaranteed income.
Searching For Love
What's equally interesting is the thrill of being in a bigger city with the opportunity of meeting that someone to share her life with. She's been to New York City plenty of times before. And each time she's impressed with the amount of available bachelors. Searching for love in Manhattan excites her. And, if finding someone is a numbers game, perhaps she should be there!
There's something to be said about security and comfort. To know that you'll likely never be unemployed must be a wonderful feeling. Furthermore, San Francisco is a beautiful place! And she can certainly continue searching for love in SF. It's not like Kathy is just surviving either. As a department Vice President, she's making a nice six-figure income money and will undoubtedly retire in 10 years if she stays with her firm.
Despite Kathy's security, she can't stop thinking about the opportunity in New York City. Even if things implode after two years, she'll have a hefty savings cushion due to the increased compensation. Mathematically, working for 50% more for 2 years is like working for 3 years at her existing place. Deep inside though, Kathy knows that if she found someone here in San Francisco, she'd most certainly never leave.
Related: You'll Always Regret Sacrificing Love For Money
Further Reading
- How To Make More Money By Doing Nothing
- Is Not Wanting To Be Rich Selfish? Ways To Help Others If You No Longer Seek Or Have Wealth
- Personal Finance Advice For Couples: When One Partner Isn’t Interested In Finances At All
- If You Were Broke Would You Settle For A Less Than Ideal Partner?
- “I’m Rich, Bitch!” And Other Annoying Things Rich People Say And Do
Readers, if you were Kathy what would you do? Should Kathy leave her cushy job to find new adventure, or be satisfied with what she has?
Is it reasonable for her to feel that a life is not worth living if she doesn't have a man to share it with?
As a woman, would you choose career or family if you had only one choice?
Keigu,
Sam @ Financial Samurai – “Slice Through Money's Mysteries”
Follow on Twitter @FinancialSamura
I think that building a company from the ground up would be something that you wouldnt want to pass up, but it definately runs contrary to finding a mate/starting a family. Start ups require a lot of work, and I think everyone knows that.
As far as moving to NY, there’s an issue with that as well. It would be much harder for her to find a mate in the ny area, as women outnumber men greatly. On the west coast (and in SF bay area) men tend to out number women. So, she could be going from a hot commodity in sf because there are fewer women to competing for men. It’s a gamble.
She should take some time off and figure out what exactly she wants, then go for that. It could be neither of these options.
A woman with that much drive can apply the same techniques to finding a mate, so the lack of a partner is just a distraction in this discussion.
Kathy should take the offer, but negotiate it higher (unless she’s already done the negotiation). Moving on will mean she’s that much closer to her career goal regardless of whether the partner & kids happen.
Don’t think so. When it comes to love or wanting love, there is nothing more important!
It sounds like it’s beyond the money… When I think of why I do things (or want to do things), I’ve come to realize there’s an equal-parts breakdown of 4 categories:
1.) Money. No matter what you do, money undoubtedly plays a role in enticing us.
2.) Excitement. Getting that adrenaline rush from trail blazing into new terrorities.
3.) Challenge. Even if you’re well-paid, how long can it last if you’re truly bored with it?
4.) Contribution. Seeing the higher good. How are you impacting those around you with what you do.
So if I had to take a guess, I’d say Kathy is looking for more #2 & #3 than at her current job.
Good guess, and you are spot on as she already has enough money as a single person.
So, what did she do???
I have already chosen family over career. I stayed at a job I did not enjoy because of the flexibility of being able to work from home. Then I started working part time from home. Then I quit altogether. But, it is an individual decision.
Kathy seems like an overachiever, and she may never be able to ‘turn it off’. Since she lost a relationship due to her work hours, what will make her stop working for the next relationship? (Unless this guy was just a dud…)
I think Kathy needs to sit and decide what she wants. She is probably marketable enough to work anywhere she desires. If she wants to focus on finding someone to settle down with, then moving across the country and working at a startup is probably not the answer since she tends to be a workaholic.
I suggest Kathy take a few days off and make some decisions with a clear head.
What is your definition of “overachiever”? From where she comes from, all men and women rise to her level and make her money.
Kathy has decided to STAY in San Francisco and give it a couple more years! She went to NYC for a week and realized it wasn’t for her, and that SF is her favorite place on earth and she has as good a chance to find someone here than anywhere.
Well some one says choose love over money and some people are agree with dont choose love over money.. This post is quite good but i can say one thing here and that, when you believe on your fate then dont think… Love is a precious treasure and once you loose this treasure money goes useless and meaningless….
Love is a funny thing, isn’t it? When caught up with such great ambitions, you can’t help but get lonely. This is especially true when you work solo gigs or have a rather isolated employee shift. Things can get painstakingly reflective, which can only exasperate that loneliness.
I don’t know if I can advise anything useful to Kathy. I don’t know her first hand to gauge the emotions that come required to make that decision. But if pressed, I could only suggest following one’s heart. I’m tough to love myself, so I definitely couldn’t consider myself an expert in that regard. But surely she can make room in looking for a love interest, no?
.-= Aury (Thunderdrake)´s last blog ..The Hoarding Dragon – The difference between knowledge and experience =-.
Believe me, I know it. I’m a single man on a decent income.
I’m paying for everything for everyone! :(
Kathy’s getting a lot of great advice and I hope she reads it all.
I think she should take the new job for most of reasons already mentioned:
1) The rush of energy and innovation you experience when beginning a new project is motivating and exciting.
2) Kathy seems bored with her current job/city/life and this will get her out of that rut and into a new environment.
3) A new job along with a move to a new city will exponentially open up new opportunities both professionally and personally.
4) Since Kathy doesn’t have a boyfriend/husband/child on the the near horizon, she should use this time to earn money that she can save/invest for her future.
Kathy, if it’s meant to be…it will happen whether you live in SF or NY. No one knows what the future will bring. You can only act today with the information and intuition you have in this moment.
Good luck,
Betty
PS:@Monevator: The IVF procedure in the UK is not free. You and your fellow taxpayers are picking up the tab. Thankfully, here in the US we’ll never have any sort of rationing like you’ve described. We’ll be planting eggs in ladies until their 110 :-)
first and foremost, having several millions in the bank is a good thing. Does Kathy own her house? on top of that she is on going to be 43 in 10 years.
Bottom line go for it she wants and needs the challenge, plus if she takes the risk she will feel good about herself and will probably find a new man
This is kind of an intense story. I agree with everyone else in that finding employment and more specifically something Kathy would enjoy isn’t the issue. Things to think about are the uproot and resettling in. If things didn’t work out in NY would she stay, would picking up and leaving be worth the emotional and psychological stress. I know that time is a premium for Kathy but has she explored all of her options where she is?
I don’t think you NEED someone to be dependent on to make you happy but I sure as heck hold on to it when I find it. Just knowing that someone is there to support you on your best and worst days gives you a little extra confidence to take on the day.
As for choosing work or family I think that it’s an unfair choice. There are always options in the middle and making the work/family life actually happen isn’t all that impossible. If people are truly committed to each other than it can work. I say Kathy should go so what’s going to make her the most happy, and if that’s an adventure in NYC then go for it, if it’s in San Fran then do that, and don’t worry about stresses that come with all the rest. It’s not our choice here in the comments it’s hers.
.-= Nunzio Bruno´s last blog ..Filing Late Taxes =-.
Having someone to be with is a priceless feeling. No amount of money could replicate that situation, ever!
She should absolutely move to NYC, and also find a really good fertility specialist and start freezing her eggs for IVF later, if she doesn’t want to raise kids without a partner. But yes – I also am at my best in the first 2-3 years at a job when it’s all new and I’m motivated. Time to learn/do something new!
.-= Honey´s last blog ..Backache =-.
That’s what I was thinking about — the eggs! Freeze ’em, and she can take the time to think everything through about her career and find a new man who will be able to deal with whatever hours she works. If all her cards fall into place, she can ditch the 60-hour workweeks when she has a baby (or have her partner be the stay-at-home parent).
.-= RainyDaySaver´s last blog ..Yes, I Am Defined By My Job =-.
Free her eggs huh? Does that stuff really work? Won’t there be some part of a woman who wonders whether it’s best to have fresh eggs than frozen? When the kid grows up, everything bad thing he or she does might be second guessed by whether it was because a frozen egg was inseminated. I donno, but I wonder.
Best, Sam
.-= admin´s last blog ..Don’t Have Children If You Can’t Take Care Of Yourself =-.
Don’t think IVF is an easy option. (I’m not saying you do, but it’s written quite lightly here and many do. It sometimes really messes with a woman’s body, and it’s by no means always successful.
Here in the UK, our National Health Service stops providing it free around 35 because the odds fall away so fast.
I’ve had about 4-5 friends (couples) on it in recent years. Has finally worked for one of them.
It can be a godsend and I’m not against it on any sort of idealogical level (i.e. not religious).
I am against the way it gives women in their 20s undue security/comforts, though.
.-= Monevator´s last blog ..Why the U.S. (and the U.K.) is not Greece =-.
I’m hoping for your sake, Samurai, that she takes the offer… Hoping that you get a nice little payday for your job placement troubles. Start spreading the news… I’m reebing today.
I currently work in a position where 9 months out of the year is cush and the other 3 months are 85 hour workweeks including weekends. So far I’m 3 weeks into it and my wife has already had a nervous breakdown: crying, wailing, gnashing of teeth.
Given the choice, I think with her type A personality, Kathy might be better off just staying single if she’s going to continue to live the grind like that, in whatever city she chooses.
Would love to take a nice finders fee, but alas, I have nothing to do with her placement.
Interesting position you have where it’s kick back for 9 months! Care to share what it is?
I think no matter how type A a woman is, there’s a type B or C side of her waiting to come out after a certain point!
.-= admin´s last blog ..Don’t Have Children If You Can’t Take Care Of Yourself =-.
Hmm…if she is having the desire to change, that’s her own intuition talking. It may be the sign that she is ready to step outside her comfort zone and embrace a new challenge. If I were Kathy, I would listen to my intuition and start there.
Personally, everyone has their own hierarchy of values. For me, family is above career. I’d choose family. But, that’s me. If there is a conflict between family and career, and Kathy may have experienced that with her ex-boyfriend, it may be good for her to explore how that situation unfolded. Take what she can learn from that experience, and make peace with it. That way, when she moves forward, and she meets an awesome guy, she’ll be able to enjoy both – family and career.
Good ol women’s intuition! Moving forward is always good. It definitely seems tough for the modern day women who wants it all.
.-= admin´s last blog ..Don’t Have Children If You Can’t Take Care Of Yourself =-.
My first thought was “Yes…make the move.” Why? Because if she doesn’t, she will always be wondering what could have been.
But…she already realizes that working 60 hours a week is unhealthy, so she would be knowingly taking on unhealthy activity with the move, OR with not moving. It seems that either choice could be unhealthy by her own admission.
I am not a woman (hopefully you can tell by my picture), so I can’t speak for her about choosing career over family. My personal choice would be family. I am semi-retired now and my family is way more valuable to me than my 40 year engineering career. But I am a naturally laid back personality, direct contrast to Kathy’s high power personality.
I hope she finds love and balance and happiness. Maybe in that order. That, in my mind, would be very healthy.
.-= Joe Plemon´s last blog ..The Sad Tale of Clarence and Evita =-.
Joe, can’t tell you are not a woman mate! :)
Tell us more about your 40 year engineering career! Would you have rather retired earlier, or are you happy you did the 40 years?
.-= admin´s last blog ..Don’t Have Children If You Can’t Take Care Of Yourself =-.
I value stability a lot, so it’d be hard for me to move. But I think changing jobs is always scary, even when faced with a situation a bit easier than Kathy’s dilemma. Moving jobs is definitely easier when you’re still single, have more flexibility and can afford a bit more risk.
“At 33, she’s alone because her boyfriend broke up with her largely because she spends too much time at work. He would tell her that working more than 60 hours a week isn’t healthy. . . . Her insecure boyfriend can go jump off a bridge for all she cares because she won’t settle.”
Actually, boyfriend sounds pretty sensible to me.
@Larry
He’s not my type that’s for sure.
The problem is 2 high-powered people trying to stay together. Someone needs to be the hearth and home type if the other is the superachiever. Most people aren’t intensely focused on either, but it sounds like Kathy is.
Unfortunately although there’s no stigma on 60-hour-a-week 30-something male superachievers, there’s a stigma against super hearth and home guys, so she’ll have to work a bit harder to find him.
If Kathy wants a guy and focuses on it, she’ll find one. She sounds pretty competitive and confident, and some people are drawn to that.
Sam,
I believe your only real job security is your ability to get another job, and she seems extremely employable. Thus, I think the risks are not as great for her to take this NY opportunity as they would be for many people.
As for her wanting a man…I think it is certainly fair to say companionship is a need, and there is nothing wrong with her wanting a male to share her success with.
.-= Roshawn @ Watson Inc´s last blog ..Uncommon Money News (Vol. 91) =-.
It’s tough to have it all.
But if she makes as much money as you’ve intimated, Sam, it sounds like she already should have enough money saved up to pull wayyyyy back on the throttle and take a job with far less pressure, pay and responsibility so she could focus on successfully nurturing her personal life.
If she chooses to remain a VP in SF or take on the high pressure job in NY, I’d say her odds of finding a mate and building a family are slim to none.
My $0.02.
Best,
Len
Len Penzo dot Com
.-= Len Penzo´s last blog ..4 Ways Duct Tape Can Fix Your Personal Finances =-.
It’s always tough to have it all. But, that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t keep trying no? Instead of taking a job with less pressure, she’s considering taking a job with way more pressure, but perhaps a lot more reward in a place that’s a lot more exciting.
Interesting take on the belief her odds will still be low in NYC. Perhaps it’s time for a picture.
Hey Jeremy, some fantastic comments you have here! I’ll ping Kathy and see if she has some time from her schedule to come respond.
Sounds like you have a thing for powerful women yeah? I really think she’s considering her job not b/c of a higher income, but the excitement of creating something new again and not just maintaining. Furthermore, the draw of NYC and the social scene is very alluring as SF is an early town.
Stay tuned for her responses at some point, I just don’t know when for sure.
.-= admin´s last blog ..Doing Anything You Can to Survive – Silence And Surprise In The Night =-.
Great post! I’d quit and move to Vancouver and blog all day. And that’s actually what I did. What’s ironic is that both my wife and I are 33.
Seriously, my wife and I gave up a secure six figure income in Winnipeg Manitoba to move to Vancouver. Still no job, but who cares, we’re living. Security? Anyone with work ethic has it with or without an employer.
I think Kathy should quit and travel for 10 years, then permanently move to Europe where she can open a cafe or equally enticing venture. Life’s only as complicated as you make it.
Wow, really? That’s awesome you quit your job to blog full time. Just curious why you didn’t quit your job, and stay in the existing area where your wife was making 6 figures? Is the lure of Vancouver that grea?
.-= admin´s last blog ..Play Games To Save Money And Achieve Your Goals! =-.
Actually, the six figure number was both our salaries (plus rent from one tenant). I’d say it was roughly $140,000 annually. We both quit and sold our duplex.
It wasn’t the lure of Vancouver, but how easy it was to be “secure” in Winnipeg. We were both 31 when we got to a point where we were asking “Okay, now what?” Making money or pursuing money for the sake of security is easy (that’s why the majority do it). It’s so easy most will never stop to look how empty the pursuit really is.
Take Kathy for example. She’s a Senior Vice President; which puts her in the top 99.98% of hardest working people on the planet. Yet she needs to worry about security? She needs to stop and look at how silly that is and get a life.
I hope this kinda makes sense?
.-= Ryan Martin´s last blog ..Don’t Be Fooled At The Next Franchise and Business Tradeshow =-.
Ah, gotcha. May I ask whether there was a certain amount in the bank/ number of months living expenses saved up before you guys decided it was time to give up the $140K and “retire’?
When does security start becoming precious to you guys again? Mathematically, I know if I save up enough money to replicate my base salary through interest returns I’ll be fine. But what about you?
.-= admin´s last blog ..Don’t Have Children If You Can’t Take Care Of Yourself =-.
I think she’s nuts.
She’s saying she’s going to retire at 43. That’s nicely into the window where for the rest of her she will find it first difficult and then rapidly impossible to have the kids she says will complete her life.
It’s illogical. If she loved work and wanted to work until 70 or until she dropped, I’d understand the difficult trade off.
But given she wants kids AND she wants to retire at 43, she’s got it wrong
Also, what magical thing is supposed to happen at 43 that turns this alpha female off her career? Nothing, that’s what. Certainly nothing compared to what having kids at 35 might do.
This isn’t to be sexist, or to say kids are everything. Each to their own, but she says she wants them.
And she’d be just as nuts if she was a man, too, a man who really wanted kids, and whose fertility was on a timer.
There’s no point crying about it being unfair. It’s how it is, biologically. Tough but true.
Quit the career Kathy.
.-= Monevator´s last blog ..Weekend reading: Current asset valuations =-.
Always a pleasure to hear your comments mate. I don’t think she can just quit her job and just try and start a family. The problem is, she hasn’t been able to find someone so far, so starting a family is a non starter until she does!
What’s wrong with having a baby in her late 30’s, working for 4-7 more years, and calling it a career? I think that’s pretty admirable if you ask me!
Unless we are women, I find it very hard for men to know what successful corporate women have to go through to juggle everything.
.-= admin´s last blog ..Why Isn’t President Obama Considered White to The World? =-.
I know I always come across a bit harshly in these sorts of issues, but I just think I’m a realist.
She couldn’t hold down a boyfriend with her high-powered job she’s coasting in.
She’s going to find a long-term partner and have a baby or two, and keep working in her new high powered job where she’s reinventing herself in a New City?
Possible, of course, but as I say, she couldn’t keep her boyfriend last time so she doesn’t seem to be one of the ‘I can do it all’ types.
I’m actually more sympathetic to women than it seems, but not in a flim-flammy way. Most people can’t have everything they want. You have to make choices.
Maybe she learned some useful lessons from the last relationship, I guess, that will help next time. Maybe!
.-= Monevator´s last blog ..Why the U.S. (and the U.K.) is not Greece =-.
I agree that life is much less enjoyable living alone, no matter how successful you are career wise. Maybe she needs to make one final “love push” in SF for a month or so, and then go out to NYC and go for the adventure.
Kathy sounds like she is young enough and enough of a hard charger to succeed anywhere. It’s not like if the start up fails, she wont bounce right into something else and while she is single she should explore the world a bit and vary her professional experience. As for relationships, they are way more important than money, but it is really nice to have both. That said, fishing in a bigger pond may just net her the family she is hoping to find. I think she should go for it.
.-= Tracy´s last blog ..Eco Fraud Friday: Is It A Vegan Conspiracy? =-.
(talk about the ultimate alpha woman) if i was killer kathy, i would do the the big apple because i was unattached and young and will definitely make more money. Not the mention the change in scenery and what a success in the new job will do for the resume.
.-= kt´s last blog ..Why I don’t envy super investors and neither should you =-.
When I worked over 60 hours a week, it wasn’t particularly good for our marriage. In fact, if I hadn’t been married already, I doubt I would have started dating anyone. I was kind of . . . focused. But having kids plus working 60 hours a week is hard–unless you have a stay at home spouse. Some men are ok with that, by the way. Maybe she should just look out for someone who would be happy in such a relationship.
As for life not worth living without a man to share it with. . .I’ve lived stretches of my life blissfully single and had a LOT of fun. I like being married too, but you don’t need a man (or any specific relationship) to be happy. Now, if your workaholism is stopping you from normally relating to others, that is another story. . .
.-= Simple in France´s last blog ..Saying “NO” to Fitting in. And weekly post picks. =-.
Hi Simple, do you think you reflect happily on your blissfully single life because you are now married and don’t have to worry about being single any more?
.-= admin´s last blog ..How To Dramatically Increase Your Job Security For Life! =-.
I don’t actually. I distinctly remembering so enjoying being single that I thought, “I could do this forever!” Then I met my husband–he made me want to make an exception.
What can I say? I really enjoyed being single. Maybe it would have eventually gotten old, but I can’t really say, obviously. I’m happily married, but I have the experience of being able to thrive as a single person. It lends a bit of perspective to things.
.-= Simple in France´s last blog ..Radical simplicity, frugality–for couples only? =-.