What if your best is never good enough? If you knew that no matter how hard you tried, success was impossible or practically impossible, would you still push yourself to the limit? Or would you rationally pivot to another endeavor with a real chance of success? Personally, if the odds were overwhelmingly against me, I’m not sure I’d bother trying so hard.
Since my kids were born, I’ve noticed a growing trend: highly academic Asian American students with stellar GPAs and top SAT scores getting rejected from most of their top-choice colleges. This is common for many students, especially as admissions rates plummet due in part to the ease of applying through the Common App. However, the challenge seems even more pronounced for Asian applicants.
Although Asian Americans make up only about 7% of the U.S. population, they aren’t considered a minority group eligible for preferential treatment in college admissions, jobs, or promotions. Instead, based on average SAT and ACT scores by race, it appears they must score higher than other groups just to have an equal chance of acceptance. The Supreme Court acknowledged this disparity when it ruled against affirmative action on June 29, 2023.
When diversity, equity, and inclusion (DEI) became a dominant movement after George Floyd’s killing in 2020, Asian Americans were largely left out of the racial justice conversation—even though they, too, have faced discrimination and hate. I get it—Asians have the highest median income among all racial groups, so why prioritize a group that’s perceived as doing well?
But what if you’re a poor Asian from a broken family? In that case, you might just be out of luck. Your only solution is to just try harder, even if people think your best won't be good enough.
Students Could Have Enjoyed Life More
During the pandemic, I had an epiphany: What’s the point of my kids studying so hard if their chances of getting into a top college—and landing a promising job afterward—are slim to none?
Instead of stressing over straight As, top SAT scores, varsity sports, club leadership, and curing cancer, why not let them fully enjoy their youth? All this intense stress to get into a top college doesn't seem healthy.
The rise in depression and anxiety among high school students is alarming, with many feeling relentless pressure to excel. Some even take their own lives because they don’t feel good enough academically. We cannot let that happen. I refuse to let my daughter and son suffer under the weight of status and money at the expense of their well-being.
A Better, Happier Childhood When You Have No Chance
Imagine waking up excited to go to school—not for grades, but for the sake of learning. You’d focus on subjects you care about and do just enough to pass the ones you don’t like the quiet quitters today. Since the odds of getting into a top 25 university are so low, you’d be content with a B-average and a sub 1,200 SAT score. With lower expectations, you’d feel grateful for whatever college you do get into.
What a fantastic K-12 experience! I was all in on this idea—no Tiger Dad pressure, no pushing my kids to grind for a top-tier university just to buy an expensive house close to work to become bankers working under fluorescent lights for 60 hours a week. I’ve been there, and it’s not fun, even if the money was good.
Instead, they could go to community college, save a fortune, and pursue careers they actually enjoy. And with the $700,000+ each that would have otherwise gone to private university tuition, I’d find a way to gift them financial security early. 18 years is 23% of a median 80-year life. Significant!
Then things changed in 2025. Intense merit-based rewards came back into focus under the new administration.
The Analogy Of Lower Taxes Hurting Your Lifestyle
To help explain the negative of merit-based reward, let’s look at tax policy as an example.
When taxes are cut, people work harder because they get to keep more of their earnings. In theory, this is great—especially if the government has been wasting taxpayer dollars.
But the problem with working harder and longer is that money is addictive. Many people don’t know when to stop, even after they have enough. Fast-forward 40 years, and the rich banker or techie might wonder why they spent so much time chasing money when they could have been doing something more fulfilling.
I see this addiction to wealth every day through Financial Samurai. People worth millions of dollars struggling to be happy. It’s extremely hard to quit making money, even if you hate your job. That’s why I started writing about FIRE in 2009—to give people the courage and financial framework to walk away from work they despise and do something they love.
Yes, making a lot of money and investing wisely is great. But if you keep sacrificing time for more money when you already have enough or are on track to die with plenty, it’s a damn shame.
I left work in 2012, partly because I didn't want to pay ~40% of my income to the government for the privilege of working 60 hours a week and feeling constantly stressed. So in a way, I'm thankful for President Obama for raising my federal marginal income tax rate to 39.6% and giving me the incentive to break free. Paying another 12.3% tax to California plus another 7.2% in FICA tax was simply not worth it anymore.
Merit-Based Reward Can Also Hurt Your Lifestyle
On the surface, rewarding people based solely on merit sounds fair. But it could also be a trap for the most ambitious among us.
When people realize they can get ahead by outworking their peers, they’ll do just that. A 60-hour workweek turns into 70 hours. Then 80. Then 90. The arms race for more never ends until we make it stop.
Just like money addiction is hard to quit, merit-based competition is, too. When you know effort directly correlates with reward, it’s tough to hold back. If I was paid based on performance at my old job at Credit Suisse, I would have for sure lasted for at least another 5-10 years.
Today, if I knew I could outpace AI from stealing my content just by writing more, I’d keep going indefinitely. But I recognize my window of opportunity may be closing fast. That’s why I’ve invested in the very companies working to make me obsolete. If they’re going to take away my retirement dream, at least I plan to profit in the process!
Rejected Asian American Goes Straight To A Dream Job
Take Stanley Zhong. He had a 3.97 unweighted GPA, a 4.42 weighted GPA, and a near-perfect 1590 SAT score at Gunn High School. He even founded his own document-signing startup and tutored underserved kids in coding.
Yet, he was rejected by 16 colleges, including MIT, Carnegie Mellon, Stanford, UC Berkeley, UCLA, UCSD, UCSB, UC Davis, Cal Poly San Luis Obispo, Cornell University, University of Illinois, University of Michigan, Georgia Tech, Caltech, University of Washington and University of Wisconsin.
UC Davis has a 42% acceptance rate for goodness sake! Did Stanley write something offensive in all his essays? That would be hard to believe given he has such a thoughtful father and helpful school counselors.
When I first heard the news in 2023, I was stunned. Stanley could have been my son. And if he wasn’t good enough, what chance did my kids have? Less than 1% of students can achieve the academic scores Stanley achieved. For a moment, I felt defeated. Why bother trying? Top universities will simply use subjective reasons such as personality scores to explain why a student was rejected.
But then something remarkable happened.
Instead of going to college, Stanley landed a PhD-level engineering role at Google—a job most computer science grads from the very schools that rejected him would kill for. Making $200,000+ right out of high school is a dream come true.
Stanley proved his naysayers wrong. Although, his dad also works at Google, so maybe dad was able to help out in some way.
Building Skills Becomes En Vogue Again
His story made me reconsider. Merit won out in the end—not in college admissions, but in the job market, the ultimate end goal. Businesses, unlike universities, need the best workers to create the best products and maximize profits.
If the most elite employers with the largest balance sheets like Google and Meta can no longer afford to ignore merit, the same will happen across smaller companies. Merit is even more important if you are an entrepreneur. There is nowhere to hide if you’re the one doing most of the work.
Then, in February 2025, Stanley and his father sued the University of California for racial discrimination. Despite all the hate they received, they pressed forward for future Asian American students who might face the same bias. Personally, I don't think they will win since Asians make up around 36% of the student population at the UC system, yet account for 19% of California high school graduates who met UC admission requirements.
But if they win, it could mean more qualified Asian Americans will get into public universities that receive government funding. Can you imagine paying property taxes for 18 years only for your straight-A kids to get rejected? Ultimately, a lawsuit victory should benefit the best students of all races as they wouldn't have to be worried as much about subjective factors dying them anymore.
So, that crazy dream I had—of Asian American kids enjoying a low-stress, joyful childhood—might have to wait. For now, merit is back in focus, which means long hours of studying, intense competition in extracurriculars, and enormous pressure. If we decide to go this route, parents must always be encouraging and supportive.
Treat Your Parents Well
Regardless of what happens, one truth remains: be good to your parents.
Colleges and employers may reject you, but your parents likely never will. They’ll do whatever it takes to give you opportunities and, ultimately, ensure that you're happy.
And if they’ve been smart with their money—investing through a mostly bull market—they might have more wealth than you realize. When the time comes for college, a car, or even a house, they might just cover everything for you.
As a parent myself, I constantly battle the urge to give my kids everything. But I know that if I do, I risk making them entitled and soft. They must always try their best to succeed.
Still, if my son and daughter grow into responsible, kind adults who choose careers that genuinely help others, it’ll be tough not to give them financial support when they need it. In fact, I want to help them become child millionaires before they leave home. This way, they won't have to be beholden as much to the biased gatekeepers they will surely encounter.
When Your Best Is Not Good Enough: Keep On Going
So no matter your race, your best bet is to keep striving even if you have little-to-no chance of succeeding. Your pride is at stake. Even if you face rejection after rejection, remember—rejection is just the price of success.
Keep pushing. Keep grinding. This is a million-dollar mindset worth adopting. Recognize the world will never be fair. Accept it! Even when the odds are stacked against you, your hard work will eventually pay off in ways that are hard to forecast.
Readers, how do you feel about trying your best despite the long odds of success? Are you disappointed about the hyper focus on merit, or do you welcome the increased incentive to work hard? Why do you think students like Stanley Zhong, with near-perfect academic records, get rejected by so many top colleges? Does this prove the importance of writing good essays?
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Didn’t Sam post about janitors making 200k. A DINK couple making 300k is doing great. No need to have a perfect SAT to succeed in life.
An individual with success or potential could be overlook by some rigid measurements, but an organization such as a school or an employer would like to use a unified framework to evaluate people. The framework may not be fair, but genuinely great individuals may find an organization that can get through.
I had skills that the top schools weren’t looking for and settled in a lesser school. I excelled in my studies and now work alongside with the grads from the top schools. At the end the rejection from top schools no longer matters.
I’m glad everything worked out in the end!
The only reason to hustle and grind at getting awesome grades is to get an awesome job. Enter entrepreneurship. Schools don’t teach it, but more young people should pursue that rather than, as you say, the privilege of working 60 hours a week for a great company. It’s much easier to put in 60 hours for your own company. I went to Vanderbilt for undergrad and then law school. I’ve learned so much more since leaving those institutions than I did while there. Neither taught me about personal finance, much less running a business. I’m a firm believer that young people need to enjoy their youth rather than trying to optimize themselves to impress elitist colleges. To get a 1590 SAT and still fee like not enough is unfortunate. I haven’t seen my nephews but a handful of times of the past several years because of this obsession with getting into certain colleges. Young people are staking their entire identities and self-esteem around whether a certain school will accept them. I have a 5 year old, 3 year old and 5 month old. They don’t need MIT, Harvard, Yale, etc. to be successful. In fact, they could be more successful by not going there. Who wants to compete with nothing but 1500+ SAT score kids? If your SAT score is 1200, go to a school with an average SAT score of 1050 and dominate rather than attending a “reach” school. I think “higher education” will be obsolete for most people in the not so distant future, but I’ll keep funding these 529s just in case. I’m looking forward to the book!
Yes! From ages 0 – 18 is ~22% of the typical life expectancy – a long time! Do we have our kids grow up stressed out like crazy for the slight chance of getting into a top 25 university? Or do we have them enjoy life, learn for the love of learning, and pursue something they enjoy?
I don’t see a great point if the sole goal is to working in banking for 80 hours a week, or be a big tech programmer trying to optimize for ad revenue and addiction to the platform. Call me salty or pessimistic.. I dunno! Doing these roles for decades doesn’t seem that fulfilling.
What do you make of the recent data that indicates many schools have seen a decline in the admission of Asian American students since affirmative action was repealed?
It’s OK. Just have to try harder if you want to attend.
What are your thoughts?
Related: MIT and Yale class profiles post affirmative action ban
The story of Stanley Zhong seems to support the thesis that the meritocracy is a lie.The key factors to the traditional concept of success seem to be nepotism, including wealth via nepotism, and how you present to the person(s) evaluating you, which I suppose is a form of nepotism, so nepotism.This is why subconscious bias is so important to overcome, but that ship (i.e. DEI) has sailed and went down with all hands.
It is important as many of us know, to raise kids to be appropriately grateful for their parents’ support over the years, but to develop strong self- confidence and work ethic that doesn’t always rely on praise and appreciation all the time. Latter 2 creates satisfaction and calmness for self.
Doing well in adult life is a blend of foundational key education, social good friendships and part luck to gun for jobs and landing jobs at right time.
Times have changed so much. It is not only so much harder for the kids today, it’s also harder for the parents.
Lots of pressure, competition, and anxiety to manage. Get your mental game right and you’ll get farther for longer. But man it’s not easy. I feel for those who have accomplished so much yet get faced with so much rejection and disappointment. It takes a very strong soul and back not to let feelings like that break you.
I try to focus on life skills and mental well being with my kids. It’s hard to know where they’ll end up but if they can have a solid foundation on how to be responsible, independent, kind to themselves and others, I will try not to worry quite as much.
Gosh. I was a solid 3.0 student — I hated school. I only got into a couple of the universities I applied for and ended up at a small liberal arts school. I haven’t been ‘successful’ in any traditional career terms (haven’t climbed the corporate ladder, I avoid LinkedIn like the plague), but I’m turning 40 in 2 months and am considering retiring because I developed enough ‘street smarts’ to know how to make a buck and make it grow for me. The traditional education path just seems like a waste nowadays for more and more folks.
Love your blog, Sam :)
Merit all the way, baby!
Our older kids were average in high school. 3.2-3.6 GPA…one is still in the grind. What I will say is that for my son, the 3.2, if he had pushed a little harder he would have qualified for more merit at his college, so I wish he pushed a little more. He’s still figuring things out, but I am hopeful. For our oldest, who now has a 3.8 college gpa, she is president of her sorority and will absolutely be a force to be noticed when she gets into the working world. With kid number three she is a two sport varsity athlete, is right in the same GPA range with her older siblings and still has time to hunt for crabs at the beach and plant a garden each summer. We don’t push our kids, we offer advice when asked and guardrails if things go sideways, but I have never understood the pressure cooker high school experience to then go to a highly selective 90k a year liberal arts school to get an archeology degree. We focused on people skills for our kids, and I think that will benefit them in the long run. Speaking to people, leading teams, all of that will be a big struggle for the iPhone generation. I think that’s where they can really differentiate themselves as they begin their careers.