There comes a moment when your child might look up and say, with wide-eyed innocence:
- “I want to go to the office and type on a laptop all day like Mommy.”
- “I want to travel abroad for work for two weeks at a time like Daddy.”
- “I want to have video meetings at home and in the office like you.”
- “I want to go to work and come home late every night.”
At first, you may feel a surge of pride. Your hard work is being seen. You’ve become a role model. But almost as quickly, that pride can twist into something else: concern.
Because if they truly knew what it was like to be you—stressed, exhausted, chasing financial security, and feeling guilty for not doing enough—they might rethink their dreams. And you might, too.
Why I Don’t Want My Kids to Be Like Me
After publishing my WSJ bestseller, Buy This, Not That in 2022, I was drained. Traditional publishing was new for me, and while I was proud to try it, it felt like swinging two bats at the plate – exhausting but satisfying to let go.
Then my publisher, Portfolio Penguin, offered me a two-book deal. I hesitated. Did I really want to put myself through the grind again? Part of me said no. But another part—the part that wants to instill a strong work ethic in my children—said yes.
As a FIRE parent, I worry about creating an illusion that life is easy. It’s absolutely not. So I committed to the second book, not just to help readers, but to show my kids what persistence looks like.
The Second Book, And A Moment Of Dread
Three years later, Millionaire Milestones: Simple Steps To Seven Figures is finished and is available purchase in books stores everywhere! I hope you pick up a copy on Amazon or wherever you enjoy buying books.
My son has seen me write, heard me talk through chapters, and even weighed in on cover designs.
One day after school, he told me, “I want to be a writer like you, Daddy.”
My heart swelled. And then sank.
Because while writing is rewarding, it’s also brutally hard and not financially practical.
The Arduous Life of a Writer
I’ve often wondered how kids end up pursuing some of the least lucrative jobs after 17 years of education. Don’t they realize the world is too cruel to let them major in Art History, English, or Poetry?
Maybe not. In school, they’re encouraged to be creative, follow their passions, and believe they can achieve anything with hard work. Then they carefully observe everything parents do, even if you think they aren’t watching. Be careful.
Unfortunately, life has bills to pay.
Unless you’re from an extremely wealthy family, spending four years and hundreds of thousands of dollars on college to pursue a career in the arts is impractical.
If my son majored in English and became a writer like me, he’d face many hungry days. He’d likely never earn enough to buy a home, let alone get married and start a family.
Instead, he could end up living in our garage, wondering where it all went wrong. During my 24 years in San Francisco, I've seen plenty of adult sons living at home, unable to provide for themselves.
My wife and I might not see grandchildren either. By pursuing writing, our family lineage could end, unless we build a genetic dynasty like the one in Isaac Asimov’s Foundation.
The Harsh Economics of Writing
The average book advance? $5,000–$10,000. Even a top 1% advance of $250,000 is usually split over 3–4 payments and 2–3 years. That’s maybe $83,000 a year, hardly a golden ticket, especially in a high-cost city.
And most writers don’t even get a deal. Roughly 95% fail to land one. Don't become a professional writer if you want to live well.
As one dad said to me in 2022 during a camping play date, when I mentioned writing another book, “I’m sorry. Artificial intelligence is disrupting everything.”
So when my son says he wants to follow in my footsteps, I feel conflicted. I want him to be creative and fulfilled. But I also want him to eat.
Blogging Isn't Easy Either
“Can’t he just start a blog like you did?” some might ask.
Sure. But most bloggers make little to nothing for years, even if they publish three times a week. AI-generated content is flooding the internet, making it harder for bloggers to survive.
Yes, he could try YouTube or podcasting. But those, too, are long games filled with uncertainty.
Don’t build your main career on a platform you don’t own, and don’t expect passion alone to pay the bills. Here are some reflections on making money online since 2009.
Meaningful vs. Lucrative Careers
Ideally, your child will find work that’s both meaningful and financially secure. Doctors, nurses, and teachers all contribute to society in incredible ways. But even they face burnout. For teachers, they often aren't paid enough for what they do.
On the other end are the high-paying but potentially soul-draining jobs—investment banking, big tech, management consulting, and law—the industries where many elite university graduates land. While the work may not be fulfilling, these roles can accelerate the path to financial independence.
The Freedom To Choose Comes From Financial Stability
If you or your child wants to follow a passion, pursue it as a side hustle, at least until you’re financially stable. Learn to write clearly to become a better communicator, not necessarily to make it a career.
Perhaps the most practical path is to focus on making maximum money for the first 10-20 years of your post-education life and then shift to something more enjoyable.
Personally, I’d love for my boy to pursue a career that helps society, even if it doesn’t pay well. But he’ll only have that choice if he builds wealth early. Passion without income is a fast track to resentment.
Before you try to save the world, you’ve got to save yourself.
Work Ethic Is The One Thing We Can Control
You can’t dictate your child’s path, but you can model determination, discipline, and pride in your work. Those are universal skills in any field.
That’s one reason I pushed through writing Millionaire Milestones. It’s not just a book, it's the culmination of decades of financial learning, packaged to help people build great wealth step-by-step. The freedom to choose your life’s later path is priceless.
But let’s be frank: there’s no way I could have written this book or maintained this site since 2009 without the net worth and passive income to support my family.
Writing is a labor of love. It brings deep satisfaction. But the freedom to do it regularly came only after reaching a minimum level of financial security.
Final Thoughts
So when your kid says they want to be just like you, take a moment. Smile. Hug them deeply with all your love. Then think hard about what it means and what kind of life you really want them to have.
Because maybe the greatest gift we can give our children isn’t just inspiration. It’s optionality.
Millionaire Milestones launches tomorrow and I'd love for you to pick up a hard copy and build more wealth than you ever thought possible. Maybe I can even show my kids their old man still got it. Thank you for your support!
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Reader Questions
Readers, do you believe in following your passion or being practical? Do you want your kids to grow up to do what you do? Why or why not? How do we ensure our kids choose occupations that pay enough and are also spiritually rewarding? How do we instill in our children a work ethic that will help them succeed, no matter their occupation?
When You Don't Want Your Kids To Grow Up To Be Like You is a Financial Samurai original post. All rights reserved. For more personal finance insights, join 60,000+ others and sign up for my free weekly newsletter.
Great article again, Sam. I love your perspective on kids now that I have my own. Kids are ruthlessly observant not just in our interactions with them, but with everyone. Makes me continue to pray for more patience.
Would be interesting to see which careers have the widest standard deviations in salary range – don’t know where this data would be found but would make a great analysis. I’m in medicine, and the difference in salary between full time working MDs is immense, easily an 8X spread between an overworked primary care MD with an inefficient office, and a subspecialty surgeon sole proprietor, each owning their practice. I’ve seen the books for both and it really is that stark.
Cant tell you how many med students I’ve met that wouldn’t consider my “low pay” specialty. I like it like that – less competition :). Sometimes it pays to go where the competition isn’t.
Keep up the great work.
Thanks for reading and sharing your thoughts doc. An 8X salary difference is huge! Are we talking like $300,000 vs $2.4 million or something? I can see how sole proprietors owning their own practice could make that level.
Seems like it may be worth it to grind for 10 years at that high level and then reconsider. Should be set for life after that, if expenses are managed properly.
I’m talking 200k vs 1.6M+. Some subspecialty surgeons can earn over 2M (these are extreme outliers), and that is only the public billings for insured services (I am in Canada) – any private fees are opaque and not disclosed, but you could comfortably add another couple hundred K at least to that number.
And to clarify both the primary care MD and the surgeon are sole proprietor with board owning their office and paying all overhead expenses.
Again, this is extreme and true for only the highest billing specialty surgeons. For the bulk of MDs, the variance would still be significant, at least 4X between primary care office and, say, staff radiologist with the latter having all expenses paid for in public system.
The funny thing is that for the specialty surgeons, some of these are actually a great lifestyle – start at 8:30, home by 4:30 kind of vibe, billing 4-6K per day with near 100% autonomy. Many work to 65+ just because they love it. So no need to grind.
The grind is the brutal hazing/borderline abuse that surgical residents endure in their 5-7 years of post med school training, as well as the absolutely vicious competition to get one of those residency spots.
Ah, gotcha. Thanks for the clarification. I guess I realized, but I forgot that some doctors make $200K. $1.6M is totally believable.
“Many work to 65+ just because they love it. So no need to grind.” Got to love that!
Yep there is a tonne of variety.
I generally consider in medicine that if you can make about 100k per day worked then you are doing well (eg 3 days a week = 300k per year, assuming 6 weeks vacation per year) considering the flexibility, autonomy and general satisfaction in many niches of medicine. Nice middle ground especially with young kids.
Different story if you are first 5 years of practice and want to build up to that 1mil buffer – by all means grind it out.
What concerns me is how observant kids are. My five-year-old already reprimands me for “always working” whenever I have my laptop out. It’s not a good feeling. I thought I’d been doing a pretty good job of not letting my kids see me work too much.
While I do think about what I want for my kids, I’m still trying to answer that question for myself. Figuring out what meaningful work is can be easier said than done. Especially, if you are trying to find joy in that meaningful work. Like you said, teaching or coaching may be the answer for a lot of people, if you have the financial security in place.
Question for FS: if not writing a book or blogging, which you described as labors of love, what would you be doing that brings you both meaning and also joy?
Yes indeed, kids are super-observant, whether we think they are observing or not. Also unfiltered and truthful too! So if they are saying you are always working, then it’s a sign.
If not writing, then I would focus on sports and being the “private coach” of my children. It’s really fun (but needs a lot of patience) to teach them new things like biking, swimming, pickleball, skiing, etc since everything is new.
The most exhilarating time to learn is in the beginning and middle. Once you get to a 10 handicap in golf, it’s not that fun anymore b/c you expect to hit the green in regulation every time!
In my experience, it’s pretty rare that anyone mid to late career recommends that someone else do what they do for work. That always seemed kinda weird. That goes for people I know in the medical and technology specializations at the top of the average income chart you posted. Same for me – I wouldn’t recommend anyone I cared about follow the same path I took in Technology, but wait…maybe I would.
Maybe my career is like Capitalism – it’s a bad system and also the best system we have. Instead of recommending someone, including my kids, avoid my career, I’d advise them in how to follow the path more efficiently and joyfully than I did and to ensure they maintain clearly aligned career, life and financial goals. In fact, that’s what I’m doing with my younger daughter now. She is in her first decade of a technology career and approaching it more thoughtfully and holistically than I did at her age.
When she was considering college majors, her cousins were selecting majors like dance or music, both of which are great, but tend not to generate much money. I told her that I’d pay for a practical degree (likely to result in a career with good pay), but if she chose an arts major, she was on her own. So she graduated with an applied math degree and married a musician. Oh, and it turns out he makes more money with music than she does with technology, but he’s gotta be in at least the top 5% of music related income brackets, so I was still right with my college degree mandate, darn it :-).
Also, yes to providing our kids with optionality, especially a “joy net” along with a safety net, if possible. I’d love to be able to help the kids transition from full time money making to part time money making and part time passion playing when they are ready, then help again in the transition to full time passion play. Both transitions are tough and the earlier we make those transitions, the scarier they feel.
I’m better with money and life planning than my parents were. I hope my daughters will be better than me and their kids better than them….
Well said, and I agree, but why not take it one step further and get rid of the idea of a career all together. Like you said, your career is in capitalism. In other words, earn as much as you can, likely with a few caveats. For example:
The reason why I say this is that sometimes the idea you have to have a career can limit the paths you see to the above goal. Anyways, it sounds liek you’ve done an amazing job as a parent, and I think your last line is gold.
Thanks Canadian! And yes, love the idea of a fluid concept of “career” that adapts with changes to life circumstances and goals.
Totally agree—careers are often like capitalism: flawed, but maybe the best system we’ve got. Love how you’re guiding your daughter to be more intentional and balanced in her approach. That “joy net” idea is gold—helping our kids transition from earning to living with purpose is such a powerful gift. And the twist with your son-in-law out-earning in music? Classic! Life’s full of surprises, which is why having options matters so much.
Thanks Sam, and agreed re: the value of options! And yes, the kids are always full of surprises. :-) I tease my son-in-law about getting a “real” job, but he built an amazing business that is fun for him and helps balance the lifestyle he and my daughter want, so he’s an inspiration to me.
Well said, Tom!
The way you explain the transition from “full time money making to part time money making and part time passion playing” is a really helpful way to think about life as a progression. I’m guilty of wanting everything all at once, but this helps put it all in better perspective.
Thanks Matthew! I’m doing my best to put that perspective into practice, but it’s a process and I still have much to learn. I wish you the best in your journey.
Such a thought-provoking perspective on parenting. I work as a software engineer, and although it’s pretty neat to build things, it’s tedious and full of bug checking.
The end result is to get more users on our platform and increase engagement. But at the same time, with so much harm that is being done to kids’ mental health due to social media, I can’t say I’m exactly proud of the work.
I hear you. It’s tough when the skills we’ve worked hard to build end up serving outcomes we’re not fully aligned with. Tech can be exciting and impactful, but it’s also fair to question what we’re building and who it’s truly helping. I’ve wrestled with similar thoughts—especially as a parent thinking about the long-term effects of social media on kids’ well-being. The fact that you’re reflecting on this says a lot. Hopefully, with time and enough voices like yours, we can nudge the industry toward more meaningful, responsible innovation.
Thanks for the introspective look and encouraging us to evaluate whether what we’re doing is really what we wanna do with our lives.
Doing something that our kids are proud of might be the best and most important validation we could find.
Wow I didn’t realize neurosurgeons get paid that well, especially compared to everything else. I can relate to the complexities of trying to steer your kids into certain career directions. And I definitely remember thinking a lot about what I wanted to do whilst growing up.
Both of my parents complained about their jobs incessantly so that actually deterred me from wanting to follow in their footsteps. It actually made me want to ensure that I could secure a career path that would be able to support myself independently and be reliable.
I also remember closely observing my parents about their work. My mother had a very strong work ethic but it often went a too far in the sense that she worked so much overtime when no-one else did. And even though she constantly complained about how new people were coming in and make more money than her or were job hopping to make more money, she herself had very little confidence in her own abilities so she refused to try to do the same. She feared that she couldn’t do any better so she never tried. She was close with her boss, so her manager tried to get her raises. But her intense loyalty also gave her anxiety and guilt about trying to find something better.
The result? She stayed at the same job for 30 years and never made anywhere close to a six-figure income. Granted, job loyalty was more common back then and salaries were also lower. But still, I feel that she missed out on a lot of her potential if she had just been willing to try for something better and believe more in her own worth.
So yes, it’s not just what we do for work, but how we approach it, how we talk about it, how we manage work/life balance, how we value what we believe we’re worth, and the purpose we draw from our roles. Great topic, thanks!
Wow, you didn’t realize neurosurgeons get paid that well? Especially compared to everything else? Take actors, who are basically overpaid clowns in makeup. A neurosurgeon can give you a second chance at life, while an actor earns tens or even hundreds of millions just for pretending to be superheroes or whatever. It’s wild how society values these roles so differently.