Do you have the fear of being alone forever? I never have because I've always been with someone since 14. However, the older I get, the more I meet people who are still single in their 30s and 40s. That fear of being alone forever grows, especially after a loneliness epidemic grew after the pandemic.
When I went to Switzerland in the summer of 2013 I had plenty of time to contemplate living life alone. There was nobody to call in Zurich to hang out with until the wee hours of the morning.
I couldn't share a walk along the romantic Chapel Bridge at sunset in Lucerne. Nor could I experience with someone the amazingly steep Mt. Pilatus Railway that arrives at the top of Obwalden. Every experience is locked up in my memory. What a shame words nor pictures can do them justice.
The Fear Of Being Alone Hit Me
Although a week of traveling alone isn't a long time period at all, I've realized I fear being alone as much as I fear being broke. I did everything I could after high school to make sure I wouldn't have to depend on anybody to survive.
I'm not sure I can say the same for finding companionship since my family has always been there. It's like I've taken them for granted. I've also never not been in a relationship since college as luck would have it.
If I didn't take companionship for granted, I'd probably be a nicer, more patient person. I'd probably exercise more and eat less lemon meringue pie. I might even try and learn some jokes. Alas, I've got a ways to go.
Popping over to Mallorca after Switzerland with nine other people in a villa only buttressed such fears of loneliness. We literally went out every single night to unspoken amounts of fun. We'd sleep in the next morning, make us some jamon with slices of honeydew by the pool for brunch, hit the clay courts after and then relax on a nearby beach before going out all night again.
It was one extreme to another, neither of which I could handle for an extended duration of time. But if I were to choose, I would select being surrounded by interesting people any day.
Relationships Are Straight Forward
If you fear being alone forever, then you must work on your emotional intelligence. We want to spend as much time with someone who likes us as much as we like them. Unfortunately, the pain is unbearable when you discover the other side doesn't feel the same.
This simple concept is scalable to practically everything that involves another person. As a landlord, I get a huge urge to want to select a prospective tenant who just crows on about how much she loves the place.
At work, all I want to do is sing someone's praises if they sing back. You can see the harmony demonstrated every time a maitre d greets her regulars. There's something about reciprocity that generates so much positive energy.
It's not fair to say that there's someone out there for everyone if you are already with someone. Yes there are billions of people on Earth, but that just makes folks feel worse when they've got nobody.
Break Out Of You Comfort Zone
Traveling has allowed me to re-kindle old relationships and discover new relationships I never thought possible. Traveling takes us out of our comfort zone and forces us to speak to other people much in the same way as a new kid does at school.
For those of you who are able to travel for extended periods of time alone, I'd love to know how you do it. One suggestion given to me by a nomadic traveler was to stick to hostels. Hotels simply close you off to the world, while hostels open you up to endless possibilities. What else?
What about those of you who are more introverted by nature. What are some of things that allow you to enjoy the silence? I understand being an introvert doesn't mean you don't want to be with someone. I'm just trying to get some perspective to tame my restless soul.
Perhaps the problem is that I never got to be a crazy 20-something year old after college because I was so busy working so I didn't have to work forever. It's as if I grew up too fast and am trying to make up for things now.
Does anybody feel the same way? Do you fear being alone forever? There is certainly a loneliness problem post pandemic. For our mental health we need community, friends, and support. Here my solutions to feeling less lonely.
Updates Of Fear Of Being Alone Forever
Update 2/3/2015: I no longer feel lonely. I'm working three consulting jobs and keeping myself busy. It just feels lonely traveling alone for eight weeks. It's too much! I'll keep the traveling alone limit to three weeks next time.
Update 11/26/2016: Reading this post now is pretty interesting because I haven't felt alone since I traveled to Switzerland and Mallorca since the summer of 2013. I went on that trip to find myself. It was one of those passages one goes through after leaving their occupation of 13 years.
Update 2021: My life is full of companionship because I had a son in 2017 and a daughter in 2019. Every day is an adventure. I don't fear being alone forever. I do sometimes wish my kids would love me more sometimes!
Now, not a day goes by where I'm not thankful for having broken free from the corporate grind. All the sacrifice to get here was worth it. I'm so happy I started this site back in 2009 when the world was falling apart. Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine I'd be here, absolutely free to do whatever. I've got a loving family and a business that allows me to be present.
Update 2023: Funny enough, I have an itch to go back to work. My daughter is in school three days a week and my son is in school five days a week. I long for the camaraderie of work. and building something with a great group of people. Unfortunately, I'm finding it hard getting a job after retiring for so long.
Update 2025: I went back to work and could only last four months! The experience made me appreciate the freedom I've had since 2012. Now, I spend more time playing tennis and pickleball, along with quality time with my children and wife.
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You really have to go out of the United States to find love since most women are certainly so much nicer and very easy to meet, unlike the women in America that are so very horrible and very stuck up altogether. A real bunch of total losers as well.
Well lets face it since it really does take two too tango these days which many of us men really can’t blame ourselves to begin with since most of the women of today unfortunately are nothing at all like the women in the past were since they were the very complete opposite of what these women are today which really speaks for itself right there. Quite a change in the women of today that is for sure which makes it very sad as well. It definitely would’ve happened if many of us good men had been born back then for those of us that really wanted to get married and have a family since many of us today unfortunately still don’t have that at all since many of us aren’t single by choice.
Hah! I’m reading this (and many other posts here on Financial Samurai) after discovering the site last week. This week? I’m traveling solo, taking a “mini-escape-vacation” by myself to Puerto Vallarta. I’m staying at a very nice, modern resort – that is populated 99% by vacationing couples. I believe I am one of *maybe* 3 single people staying here. Ugh. Talk about being the odd man out! But hey, it’s still gorgeous here and it certainly beats sitting in the cold Seattle rain back home…
Someone once said “it’s better to be alone, than to wish you were”. That’s very true. re: the “escape” comment above about this vacation – I’m here because my divorce just finalized in September 2016. This Thanksgiving was the first time without my family and my 2 kids (who are with their mom this year). The thought of being home alone during what was traditionally a very family-focused weekend was a bit too much to bear, so I escaped – and booked a solo trip to the sun instead.
What I realize as I sit here typing this while sitting on a deck on the beach, is that while yes, I miss my children (a LOT) and I miss the happier family Thanksgiving moments (there were plenty) – I do not miss the negatives of what had become a failed marriage. I’m “alone” at the moment, but I’m walking a path towards achieving the peace and happiness that eluded me in my marriage.
So instead of fearing your alone time, embrace it as an opportunity. Make the most of the time, and do the things you want to do. The loneliness will not last forever. :)
Welcome to my site! It was fun to re-read this post 3 years later. Traveling alone for 8 weeks was too much for me. 2-3 weeks is my limit next time. I did make the most of the 8 weeks. Had a blast. But it did make me appreciate more the people in my life even more.
I’m sorry about your marriage Brian. It sounds like you’re looking at the positives, which is great. I have some fears of becoming a father myself and wonder whether I’ll be any good, and whether my marriage will end just like so many other people I know once they have kids. Causation? Correlation? I have no idea.
Writing is very cathartic. Maybe you’d like to share your story on FS? I have an entire category on Relationships here that has done a lot of souls good.
Sam
Related: Things I’ll Teach My Daughter: Pay Attention To A Guy’s House Instead Of His Car
It would be very hard for us Good single men to meet a woman today that is old fashioned since they really Don’t exist anymore which is a very Excellent Reason why we really could be Alone forever Unfortunately.
Yes, living abroad can make you realize how dependent you are on others for happiness. I stayed in Zurich for 6 months, and it was very difficult due to not having friends that shared my American/Midwestern values and the “coldness” of the culture there. This may be beside the point if you were there for 8 weeks, but I can relate to coming back home and having a newfound appreciation for parents, family, etc. At one point I was abroad for a stretch of 1.5 years and I had lost a lot of confidence and self-worth, primarily I believe because there was no one around who really cared about me.
On a different note, school is a great avenue to live in other countries and travel: you have a “legitimate” reason for being abroad and a structured program to help you integrate with other foreigners, find housing, and navigate local registration. Perhaps there are similar programs that don’t need to take place in the context of a university (e.g. local foreign language classes).
I studied in Singapore and Zurich during undergraduate engineering, and then did a master’s in engineering in Shenzhen all through top 10 engineering schools. My point is, you don’t have to sacrifice good instruction, (though I did voluntary sacrifice my GPA..).
Hey Sam – I did a long trip solo (over 2 years). I’ll preface it by saying that at home, I usually surround myself with friends.
You ask how we handle it. It’s really a different mindset. You have to become exceedingly comfortable alone and then you get to a place where you leave yourself open to everything and while the majority of people that come your way will be forgotten, I found that you make some really amazing friends and have some incredible romances when you’re in that travelling mindset.
BTW – I sent you an email, possibly went to spam. I stumbled on your blog by accident and I’m in a similar position to you, having achieved extreme early retirement and through some luck, having hit and exceeded that 200k number you mention. Check your spam filter – be interesting to chat before I hit the road again.
I feel the exact same way Sam. I worked hard through 20’s to save for early retirement and now I am a mere few months away from taking the plunge. I was lucky enough to travel a bit while working due to lenient schedules. I always stuck to hostels as well. Met some cool people that way. Being a worldwide traveler is the key! We all need a home to come back too, but nobody made a real for how long we can be away.
Hi Skye,
Thanks for sharing. How did you find this article? I’m always curious to know.
Congrats on being a few months away from early retirement! I did it for 2 years from 2012-2013 and it was great. I will NEVER regret that time.
Best,
Sam
Do you REALLY want to know how I found you? =P
I literally have been reading your articles for the past 2 weeks straight. I was initially linked from Mr. Money Mustache to your article here: http://www.financialsamurai.com/the-dark-side-of-early-retirement-risks-dangers/
Then, as I was reading, I got getting hot-linked to other articles! Before I knew it I had 20 tabs open! And the worst thing was that each of those articles had embedded links! So even if I finished reading one another five would pop up in its place. This article was literally the last one I read so I felt compelled to at least a comment.
PS, I am also an avid reader of Early Retirement Extreme. Preparation is key for something as life changing as early retirement!
That’s awesome! I’m glad I’ve been able to weaving some relevant and intriguing posts for readers to read. MMM and I have similar philosophies about early retirement, but I’m focused much more on readers making more money. It’s much harder to do. I’ve long thought about focusing more on simple things like extreme savings and such, b/c it’s much easier for readers to follow and do. But you can only save so much. MMM is probably making well over $50,000 a month from his site ironically by teaching people to be frugal.
Any tips for me or what else you’d like to read about?
Hope to have you around. You can sign up for my e-mail feed and monthly private newsletter.
Sam, I’m kind of feel bad because me thinks you had a bad time in Switzerland!!! I’m sorry to hear you were lonely out there. Having good company can really really make or break a trip. Robyn’s advice above is good for meeting people when going on trips alone. I wish you had gone to some of the festivals, I’m sure you would have met some awesome people from around the world.
Hi K, don’t worry about me. I enjoyed my time in Switzerland and the silence that went a long with it. It allowed me to think about things more deeply and appreciate more of everything around me.
This post really resonated with me because I love traveling and generally travel alone, enjoying my alone time. Occasionally I use the time for self-reflection, like when I was traveling around the country by myself for about 6 months. Okay, I wasn’t solely by myself. A friend met up with me for about 6 weeks, and other people I met adopted me so I’d spend a few days with them here and there. For some reason everyone wanted to feed me. :)
When I felt like company, I found it easily enough because most people are friendly if you just start to talk with them. Otherwise, I’d do whatever it was I felt like doing that day. If I wanted to stay in my campsite reading, I did. If I felt like hiking or visiting tourist spots, I’d do that instead. I love to travel alone because there are no set expectations on your time or activities and you can go and see what you’re really interested in seeing without compromising.
I sometimes travel with friends as well. I try to carefully choose other people who will like to see what I’m interested in who are similarly easy-going so there aren’t many conflicts or disappointments in what we see and do. We usually also try to make sure we have some breaks from each other so we don’t get on each other’s nerves and can go to see/do things that the others aren’t interested in at all.
I agree that staying in hostels is a great way to meet people if you’re traveling alone. It’s harder to meet people at a hostel if you’re traveling in a group because then it’s more intimidating for the other people staying there to talk to you, and they may not want to interrupt. I’ve met some amazing people in hostels, especially throughout Europe, and have even kept in touch with some of them.
I’ve also found that signing up for activities, like white water rafting and zip-lining, ends up throwing you in with a bunch of people. That also gives you a chance to talk to some locals and pick their brains about what’s good to see and do in the area. I even went out with one of my guides and spent a day on the beach with him afterward. Chatting with staff where you’re staying is also handy. If you hit it off with them, sometimes you end up with a good friend afterward as well.
Overall, if you are willing to talk to people and be friendly and personable, there’s never any reason to feel lonely even if you’re alone. You never know who you will meet and most people have some amazing stories to share, if you’re interested and willing to listen.
Sam, I really applaud you leaving yourself open with this one. I had to respond. Anxiety seems to increase when we’re alone (even if we have a partner) and everyone has their own brand of fears and anxieties. I traveled alone for a long time in my twenties, before I got married. Since then my spouse and I have traveled a lot.
There’s not easy answer to all of our fears, being alone, running out of money, getting hit by a car, losing our money etc.
When I was in my mid 20’s I put a lot of effort into finding a partner. I was sick of dating and although I wasn’t thinking “marriage” I wanted a decent boyfriend. By joining community organizations, going to singles activities, and creating a plan to meet as many men as I could, I came across my husband. I feel extremely lucky that my efforts led me to my perfect soulmate. Decades of marriage with plenty of arguing, disagreeing, compromising, joking, playing, working, and having fun have given me a wonderful gift.
I know you are creating an awesome life for yourself and handle with aplomb whatever comes your way! Just let the fears go when they creep in! And never believe anything your mind tells you late at night when you are tired:). Your pal, Barbara ps thanks for sharing!
Thanks for your thoughts Barb. I do want to tackle my fears head on. Much of this blog is about introspection so I and perhaps my readers can be better people.
There’s often a hidden meaning in my posts that tries to highlight the inconsistency of things. Hope all is well!
I’m terrible at traveling alone but I remember a trip to Paris I took with my brother once and how when we stayed at the hostel in the Montmartre section and how practically everyone in the hostel was there to meet friends and would hang out in the living room and cook group meals together. My brother and I got invited to hang but we had so much sightseeing to do we didn’t get a chance. Perhaps taking a slow vacation where there isn’t a lot of ground to cover gives you the better opportunity to mingle with the locals? When you have to see so much in a short amount of time, it doesn’t give you the chance to slow down and enjoy the small things.
Being alone is a critical part of growing up. Pity the person who has never learned how to survive on their own.
Only once you know who *you* are, are you ready to share that *you* with someone worth sharing it with. Use places, people, things, whatever it takes, to discover that *you* because until you do, you’re going to be useless to the person you want to be with.
The only thing worse than not knowing that *you* is to find the person you want to be with, but not having discovered yourself enough to realize it when it happens.
Keep searching, but search within yourself first.
I just got back from traveling alone. I joined a program for an outdoor adventure trip in Iceland and went by myself. I joined the program since I knew I would meet other people and in fact there were 4 other people in my age range so we hung out the whole time. I agree that traveling a lone can get lonely, I have back packed before, but staying hostels or doing programs where you will meet people helps a lot.
On a side note, the one real positive about traveling alone is you learn a lot about yourself. It will takes a lot of chahones to travel by yourself and you spend a lot of time thinking (may be good or bad).
Believe me Sam, alone is so much better than having someone depend (kid) on you but you have no one to reach out…….. single parent here…..
Sam,
I sure hope you find a girl friend.
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Here’s a story I read many years ago. (Trust me, it’s about looking for a relationship…)
“Once upon a time…” a king is riding through the forest with his archers, and they run across a section of the forest where every tree had a bull’s eye painted on it and in the exact center of the bull’s eye was an arrow.
The king, and his archers, were all amazed. Who could be so accurate to hit a bull’s eye on every tree? They decided they must find this mysterious archer and have him join the best archers of the king.
So the king’s men search in every village for many days. Finally they announce they have found the mysterious archer and will bring him to the palace.
They bring the archer to the palace for an audience with the king, and it turns out the archer is a 15-year old boy.
Amazed again, the king said, “Did you shoot all those arrows that I saw in the bulls’ eyes on those trees?”
“Yes,” said the boy.
“How did you learn to shoot so well?” asked the king.
“It’s simple,” said the boy. “First I shot the arrow, then I painted the bull’s eye.”
Love the story. So it means to actively find many different people and then work to make each relationship perfect? What is your interpretation?
Traveling alone can be tough but it also opens up a ton of possibilities. Traveling is about getting outside of your comfort zone and experiencing new things, what better way to do that then by traveling alone! Hostels are a great way to meet new people. Or just go to a local bar and start chatting up the locals. Always someone interesting to hang out with!
Deep post Sam. Forgive me for being too personal, but I was under the impression that you were in a relationship. Also since you love traveling so much, doesn’t that work against you finding someone? You seem to thrive with your freedom and a significant other may divert you from your passions. Just curious and safe travels!
Buck, I haven’t been without someone since the beginning of college and fear I am taking companionship for granted (first section of the post). I’m preparing for the day where I might very well really be a lone and not just temporarily feel a lone while I was traveling in Switzerland for a week.
I’ve used this summer as “alone training” to get a better understanding of how alone feels like and what I need to so if and when that day comes. I want to learn from introverts who cherish a lone time. Any tips?
I’m not an introvert, but I do spend a decent amount of time alone (even before I started solo traveling). The main thing I’ve tried to do is never let it stop me from doing things that people normally consider “+1” activities. I read a lot, and I’ve gotten into the habit of just having a book in the car (now my backpack) so that whenever I feel like eating out, I’ve got something to do while I’m there.
I go to movies a lot (normally a solo activity for me anyways, as my friends have disowned me after I made them see Freddy Got Fingered and Hollow Man in the theaters). The worse a movie is, the more I’m apt to like it :). I do usually skip Friday/Sat nights and opening weekends for movies, but that’s more because of the crowds than a solo vs. +1 thing.
I will admit that places like bars/clubs aren’t much fun when you’re solo, so I do tend to skip those unless I’m with friends.
I also did a decent number of road trips when I was living in CA. There are a lot of places you can drive to and back in day, and I never had trouble finding someone to talk with wherever I stopped. People are naturally curious, and you’d be surprised how many of them are envious of the fact that you’re doing whatever you feel like, whenever you feel like it.
It’s funny, because when I think about relationships I tend to be more anxious about having to give up the solo stuff and the freedom, but that pretty much just means I haven’t met someone worth giving those up for yet. Still working on that…
I guess my tip is to just do what you feel like doing – don’t let the fact that you’re running solo dictate the choices you make. Embrace it, and you’ll find that the feeling of self-sufficiency that comes with it is rewarding.
Not sure if this would apply to you Sam, but when I was in between relationships, I used the alone time to find myself. I spent all my life pleasing others so it was a critical time to find out who I was and what my passions are. You don’t seem to have that problem. Is it possible because you are so free and have many passions, your bar is set so high that it is difficult to find a partner that can rival your passions and freedom?
Definitely a possibility. When two people have two different levels of freedom, either can get frustrated.
“Hell is other people.” – Jean-Paul Sartre
There is one thing much worse than being alone, and that is being with the wrong person. It leads to frustration, then resentment, then to cruelty. It is possible that experiencing ‘loneliness’ is also ‘loss’. Loss of time, possibilities, approval and validation. Tony made a great point above, that it is possible to be lonely when surrounded by people you love and love you in return. Lastly, one point about ‘hearing the truth’…sometimes it is not the truth, but simply someone else’s agenda. If that truth comes from someone who will always love you, and always be on your side (like your Dad), then the message can be trusted. From someone about to exit your life, not so much. Keeping good thoughts for everyone, and anyone, who feels alone. It is ok to be alone.
Wise words. I think is rather be alone than be in a toxic relationship as well.
Loneliness does feel like loss of opportunity to me bc I know there are great relationships to be had. To feel alone is to also feel rejected because nobody seems to want to spend time with you. That can be hard to deal with. I hope those who feel alone can reach out to loved ones and find support as I reach out and find support in writing.
Okay, now I am depressed…..:`(
Relationships are complicated. PEOPLE are complicated! I’ve been a loner for a large part of my life, and I think my quiet and reserved parents had a big influence on that. So being alone feels somewhat normal to me. It’s not that I love it, it’s just part of how I grew up so it’s part of who I am. Well, that and I’m also an introvert so perhaps that’s also why I don’t feel completely out of sorts if I’m just by myself.
I can also spend time alone easier vs trying to force conversations with people I don’t have a connection with. I’ve really never been the type to hang out with large groups of friends. Maybe it’s because most of the kids I grew up with were shallow and insensitive, I dunno. But I’ve had a few really incredible friends. I’d much rather spend more time alone and some time with a few super close friends, than never being alone and always being with people I wasn’t really that close with.
I guess I’m also easily entertained which is why I can spend long periods of time alone without getting too bored. I love to organize things around the house, surf the web, work on my photo libraries, watch TV, go for bike rides or shop around. I’m probably too good at wasting a lot of time just relaxing. But still I can only take but a certain number of days of that in a row before I start to go crazy and need to break out of that and hang out with someone. I used to live with cats too, which helped me feel like someone was there even if I was the only human in the house. They’d always come interact with me every hour or so which was nice. I sure miss them, they were the best cats ever. Perhaps having a pet might help a little?
I think you are fortunate to grow up used to being alone, because then you can don’t really need to act to change the situation.
Maybe a Siberian kitty might due the trick as I’ve got allergies. :)
Retiring early is one component of the “American Dream” that very few people actually achieve, so there is very little information out there about the reality of it. Early retirement has been sold to the masses via financial magazines/blogs as being glamorous, exciting, and a lifestyle of the privileged, but I’ve found retirement to be, on most days, exactly the opposite. Now don’t get me wrong, I love not having to work, but having the freedom to do what I want when I want 24 hours a day, 5-7 days a week (my husband does have input on the weekends) can become a bit mundane, and, yes, even lonely. The majority of my friends and family work, and they are also still raising families, so weekday companionship is hard to come by. I’ve taken up tennis, but sometimes the only partner available is a backboard. And golf–same thing. But there’s always the driving range. You get the point. Maybe we need a club in the Bay Area for people who can come together and whine about how tough it is being retired at a young age…..that’s just me poking fun at myself. We are lucky even if we’re lonely. Good luck.
Finding companionship during the weekdays definitely is tough. I hang out with a couple semi unemployed folks who play tennis in the afternoon. The diversity of folks to choose from is much lower.
Maybe I start a support group on Craigslist when I return from NYC. There has to many more of us out there. What is your story again for how you retired early? Guest post perhaps?
I think a group would be wonderful! And just so you know, you inspired me to book a trip. Party for one! May I contact you via email regarding my personal story?
Please do! Check out my about page for my email if you don’t have it.
I get lonely, so I know what you mean. I don’t travel well alone, not for long periods of time. I do like my alone time here and there but I think a common fear is being scared of living life alone.
@nbsdmp
May I ask you are meeting all these quality women? Maybe it is my location, but I just don’t always see it, and as you get older and stuck in an office most of the day, they may be out there but often tough to find time to meet them.
Matt, you just have to put yourself out there…and I mean don’t get all high and mighty and say, I am not doing online dating, or allowing friends to set me up. It helps that I live on a big lake and in the summer there are tons of people out that I meet and make friends with. I have gone out on some terrible dates, and I’ll say wtf am I doing…then 3 days later, bam I’m having drinks with a swimsuit model & saying wow life is good. My advice is do what you enjoy doing & you’ll run into women with the same interests. For me that is boating and exercise type activities. My results have been a little skewed this year to the positive & it is almost to the point where being single is so much fun I wonder if I really want to be tied down. I know in my heart though that I want that special person to share life with, but until she comes along I’m not beating myself up over it…when you least suspect it and are not really looking that is when it happens.
About 4 months ago I bought your book to help engineer my own layoff. I was successful, and for the last 6 weeks I’ve been traveling solo in Ireland and England, with 4 more countries planned this year and 10 countries next year.
As I type this, I’m sitting in a hostel in London (the Safestay @ Elephant & Castle – it’s the best I’ve stayed in so far so they deserve a plug). I’m surrounded by people hanging out in the bar, but I’m choosing to be antisocial to answer your question. I’ll grab a beer with the cute girl I met from Germany that just walked in when I’m done :)
Why is solo traveling amazing? It’s simple – complete freedom and zero compromises. Don’t feel like sightseeing today? Then don’t – hang out in the hostel and meet people. Want to stay out all night and grind at the poker room? Great – do that. In the mood for Thai food? Use Yelp or TripAdvisor to find the best place in London and spend 30 minutes traveling to get there.
I can go on and on about all the things I’m loving about my trip so far, but you get the point. Do I ever get lonely? Sure, everyone eventually wants to have some human contact. That’s why I had lunch with a Romanian named Claudio I met in Dublin while he was searching for work. And had dinner with Janet, a woman I met playing at Full Tilt Poker’s Galway festival. And then had dinner with her again when I was in Coventry, England to play poker (it’s her home town). And spent a day sightseeing with John and his wife (whose name I can’t remember), when I was in Cork and heading to Blarney Castle. And am meeting up with a fellow poker player named Adrian sometime in September when he’s on a break from school.
People are on the road to have experiences, and part of the experience is meeting people from other places, sharing meals, and being shown around. I’m also lucky that I have people I know (friends, former co-workers) in Dublin, London, and several other countries in Europe. Next week I’ve got lunches booked from Monday through Thursday to catch up with some friends I haven’t seen in 10 years. It’s a small world out there.
I’m blogging as I travel around at http://www.mobilechad.com if people are interested. I’m also not picking anywhere I’m going since all of Europe is new to me. I’m putting up a new poll for people to vote on next week (Amsterdam is the clear winner of the poll that’s up now), so follow me on Twitter if you want to know when it’s up (@mobilechad).
Congrats on engineering your layoff Chad! And thanks for buying my book. Perhaps you’d like to share your reasons why in a post here sometime in the future? I love reading case studies about why people leave their jobs.
Will check out your site now. Amsterdam is in the top 5 for favorite cities in the world.
Hey Sam,
First time poster, long time reader. Your article about travel struck a chord with me. I have traveled quite a bit since college. I’m 31 and have traveled to six continents and about 30 countries over the last 10 or so years. I find that even though I’m recently married with a good job, I still prefer to stay in hostels when I travel. In my younger days, I stayed at the party hostels, now, I tend to stay at the quieter ones or potentially the bed and breakfasts where I can meet the local owners. I may share a room, but it’s almost always with an interesting individual. Backpackers have a special bond. We’re all in a foreign taking in new experiences with people we don’t know. During my travels, I’ve met people that I later stayed with when visiting their countries. I’ve had people do the same with me.
Many of my trips were alone including 4 months in Australia/New Zealand, 3 months in Europe, and 2 months in Africa. Truth be told, I think traveling alone is the best way to go if you want to make it the trip of a lifetime (just don’t tell my wife that!). I am a bit introverted myself but I found that staying in hostels forced me to come out of my shell due to the nature of sharing a room with strangers in a foreign land. I did find that any time that I wanted to go at it alone, I would grab a daypack and just spend the day roaming the streets or museums of whatever city I was in. I might sit at a cafe or in a park with a book for hours reading and people watching.
I promise this is not a shameless plug but after my recent trip, between jobs, I wrote a book called “Where To Next?” all about backpacking. It’s on iTunes and I only sell about one a month but I do get the occasional thank you e-mail from readers. The very first chapter talks about why we travel. For many people, they’re in search of something or trying to get away from something. I’ve always felt like going out into the world alone can be the best way to find whatever it is you’re looking for.
Party hostels…. Nice! I need to experience that backpacker bond. I was a backpacker who stayed in hotels, which in retrospect isn’t as congruent as it should be.
Sam,
When I was college or when most of my friends were single I had a real active social life. As people get married or move away I often don’t see the people I care about as much. Traveling to see them does bring back old times, but that is only for a few days. Great to catch up, but everyone moves forward with their lives.