If you're a FIRE parent, one of your biggest concerns might be raising a spoiled and entitled child who takes hard work and money for granted. If this happens, it may feel like a significant failure—not only for your child’s future but also for society, which would have to contend with the consequences of their behavior.
To counter this, you can instill a strong work ethic and appreciation for money in several ways. For instance, assign daily chores to teach responsibility and the value of contributing to the household. Encourage them to tackle hands-on tasks, like home maintenance or landscaping, to build resilience and practical skills.
Additionally, having your child work a minimum wage service job in high school and later can be transformative. It teaches them the challenges of dealing with difficult customers and the effort required to earn even a small amount of money.
Parents Can Act How They'd Like Their Children To Behave
Since children often model their behavior after their parents, your actions will strongly influence their perspective on everything from hard work to spending to how to treat others with respect.
As a father, I try to lead by example through frugal habits, such as wearing simple clothes until they’re worn out and always finishing the food on my plate. I also make a point to discuss the cost of things with my children—for instance, explaining the expense of a sports lesson. This helps them understand that not taking it seriously is ultimately wasting money.
But I recognize the contradictions in my lifestyle—I drive a moderately expensive car (though it’s 10 years old) and live in a costly home. These inconsistencies make me worried about fostering entitlement in my children. As a result, I’ve been working on finding a balance between living well as an adult and not overindulging for the sake of my kids’ upbringing.
That’s when I stumbled upon a solution! If you’re also concerned about your children developing a sense of entitlement, consider helping them feel poorer than they actually are. By doing so, they may grow richer—not just financially, but in compassion and empathy as well.
An Unexpected Welcome: Feeling Poor At Summer Camp
One of the great things about interacting with other families is seeing how differently people approach spending money. Without perspective from others, it's hard to know how we're doing.
Some parents I know drive $120,000 Tesla Model Xs while living in relatively inexpensive apartments, completely disregarding my house-to-car ratio guideline. On the other hand, I’ve met parents worth tens of millions who still live in modest apartments and drive beaters.
Ultimately, how we spend our money is a personal choice. Don't let me or anybody else tell you what to do. I only offer guidelines for those looking to achieve financial independence faster.
Expensive Pokémon Cards Everywhere
I had an eye-opening moment during my son’s outdoor nature summer camp. To my surprise, several kids brought large binders full of Pokémon cards. The camp was entirely outdoors—why were they bringing Pokémon cards instead of exploring nature?
But what really shocked me was the value of these cards. Some of these 7-9-year-old kids were carrying binders worth hundreds, if not thousands, of dollars! How is this possible at such a young age unless their parents are spending heavily on them?
My son, who brought no cards to camp and owns maybe eight cards gifted to him as party favors, felt excluded. So did the other kids without cards. This was likely the first time my son also felt poorer compared to his peers.
Great! Feeling excluded is something minorities experience regularly, which often drives them to find ways to adapt. Similarly, feeling financially behind can spark the motivation to catch up to others by working harder.
When I moved to Virginia for high school, I often felt like an outsider—the new Asian kid from Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia. It was an awkward experience, but it did push me out of my comfort zone to make friends. Living in a modest townhouse and walking 1.4 miles to my public high school didn’t help my popularity either. But that experience fueled my desire to succeed.
Son Surprisingly Didn’t Want More
I expected my son to ask if I could buy him packs of Pokémon cards after seeing other kids’ binders when we got home. My prepared answer would have been, “I’d rather use the money to buy food for dinner so we may live another day. How about you?“
But he didn’t ask. Instead, he just observed their binders from a distance and decided to play with the other kids who didn’t have cards. Phew—maybe all my talks about money and acting frugally are starting to pay off.
Pokémon Go Game – A Great Way To Help Kids Feel Poorer
Although my son isn’t into collecting cards, he has taken an interest in the Pokémon Go mobile game after hearing about it from his friends. My wife and I started casually playing the game together back in July 2016 when it first launched, then forgot about it for years until recently when other children and parents showed interest.
The game includes an element of effort and strategy—battling gyms to earn coins. These coins let you buy items like raid passes, bigger storage, and lures to get rarer Pokémon. However, earning coins takes time and persistence, as you can only get up to 50 coins a day by conquering gyms. With many items costing 100–5,000 coins each, the grind can be slow.
Alternatively, players can skip the effort by spending real money to buy coins—a key part of Niantic’s business model. Like many other free-to-play games, Pokémon Go thrives on in-game purchases, enticing players to exchange money for convenience and faster progress.
This dynamic provides a great teaching moment about value and effort: working for rewards versus paying for shortcuts. The reality is, players do a mix of both, and getting ahead in life is also a mix of both.
The dilemma is figuring out the right ratio between effort and shortcuts to feel good about your play and your life. It's different for everyone.
Spending $4.99 for 550 coins is not going to break our bank. It would save me an hour of time over the course of a week conquering gyms. But I refuse partly because adopting the broke mindset gives me the motivation to earn.
Don’t Like Spending Money To Get Ahead
I have a hard time spending money or leveraging my connections to gain an advantage. It takes away the sense of accomplishment when you've done something on your own. As a result, I often suffer unnecessarily due to pride. Here are a few examples:
- I refused to spend $200 to hire someone to teach my son how to ride a bike. Instead, I went to the blacktop with him 14 times, holding and guiding him from behind until he got the hang of it. My lower back was killing me after every session. It also took longer for my son to learn than the other kids whose parent’s paid for lessons.
- I didn't ask alumni friends to write letters of recommendation to help our family get into a couple of preschools. We ended up being rejected from six. The only preschool we got into was pure luck—we kept running into a teacher from that school, who was on parental leave, at the park and got to know him. Thanks for the referral Andrew!
- I didn't start Financial Samurai until I got an MBA and had 10 years of finance experience in 2009. Having credibility is important, especially when it comes to finances. Meanwhile, back then, there were 26-year-olds without much wealth publishing books on how to get rich. Many of them are now incredibly wealthy, while I am much less so.
Put yourself in my shoes—if you’re a personal finance writer, the idea of spending real money to buy fake money to get ahead in a game probably wouldn’t fly either!
Too Much Pride Getting In The Way
This stubbornness to do things on my own has shaped the way I approach life. But I’m starting to realize I may also be passing this same inflexibility on to my children. While resourcefulness and grit have their merits, a more balanced approach could be better for all of us in the long run.
After all, battling gyms and earning free coins takes time—and time is money. Wouldn’t it make more sense to spend $5 to save an hour of time, especially if you’re not having incredible amounts of fun? Of course, it would. The other parents are efficiently allocating resources, treating this game as just another form of entertainment.
Will Never Catch Up To Other Children
When we meet up once every two-or-three months for a group raid, I let my son borrow my phone to battle the various gyms. He doesn’t have a phone and won’t get one until high school. So he's stuck with my progress.
Inevitably, other kids show him their collections of rare Pokémon they've caught, sparking his desire and FOMO. But since we don’t play as often and don’t spend money on coins, catching up is impossible.
Feeling poorer compared to other kids is a good reminder that you can't always get what you want. Instead, you must accept that there will always be people with more. And if you want more, you're just going to have to work for it!
Felt Incredibly Driven To Save And Earn
Recently, I know this feeling all too well. After depleting my passive income in late 2023 to buy a house I didn’t need, I felt significantly poorer.
However, this sense of scarcity motivated me to wake up earlier to write, take on a part-time consulting job, save and invest six figures in venture capital and in public stocks. I basically invested almost everything I earned and lived spartanly. Fifteen months later, I feel back to normal due to my desire to get rid of an uncomfortable feeling.
Understanding Relative Wealth Is Important
Exposure to wealthier children and families can motivate them to hustle harder for what they want. In turn, those kids who have more may also develop more empathy for those kids who have less. What a win-win!
Seeing other kids have more is also an excellent lesson for adulthood. We know there are plenty of wealthy parents who pave the way for their children—buying their way into elite colleges, gifting them cars and homes after graduation, using connections to get plum jobs, and so forth. And then, of course, there are highly intelligent and hard-working adults who far surpass their peers based on merit. That’s just the way the world works and we must all learn to accept it.
If children learn to understand the concept of relative wealth early on, they may grow up less envious and more accepting of life’s inherent inequalities.
Finally Broke Down And Spent Some Money
As I wrap up this post after a month of pondering, I finally decided to spend $19.99 on 2,500 Pokemon coins. And you know what? I felt fine since I just wrote about earning active income for wants.
The purchase saves me time and provides entertainment for my children and me. It actually feels great to treat myself to something unnecessary once in a while. Maybe I'll budget to spend $19.99 in the game every winter holiday. That's it. Moderation.
The thing is, just don’t tell my kids that I took a shortcut! This secret is just between you and me.
Readers, do you think feeling poor as a child helps instill a greater appreciation for what they have and motivates them to grow richer later in life? Or does it risk fostering envy and resentment toward others? Also, does anyone else wrestle with guilt over spending money on online games? Why is that, especially when it’s just another form of entertainment?
The topic of spoiling children has been on my mind for a while, but it resurfaced after we bought our new house. If you’re a parent considering upgrading to a nicer home, be prepared—you might also start worrying about creating a distorted reality for your kids.
Related Posts About Parenting And Money:
A Massive Generational Wealth Transfer Is Why Everything Will Be OK
How To Get Your Parents To Pay For Everything As An Adult Child
Confessions Of A Spoiled Rich Kid
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1970 was a rough year for my family. Mom had been in the hospital and Dad had to make payments for the deductible and copays that the insurance company did not pay. He wanted to pay it off as soon as he could, so we had very little money after the bills were paid. I found that I could find pennies in parking lots and nickels and dimes in vending machine change return slots (was not old enough to get an after school job at age 12).
One day in early 1970 i wanted a comic book and had found 16 cents (15 cents cover price plus 1 cent sales tax) to buy one. I went to the drug store near the hospital and bought one, which was the first Scooby Doo issue that had recently been released. I still have it nearly 55 years later. I also have the second, third, and fourth issues that were released later in 1970.
Dad was able to pay off the medical bills near the end of 1970. 1971 was a much better year.
This is such hard one. My kid is aware that I am wealthy. Not because I buy expensive things or live a life of luxury, but because he can see I have several houses (investment properties), drive a nice car, eat out every day (I can’t cook). I tell him that my money is going to charity when I pass and he will only inherit a house so he can have a home, and maybe my business if he learns how to operate it. But I think it’s obvious we all want as adults what we didn’t have as kids. So he will never know what it truly feels to be poor, which to me, is the main driver to being financially driven. But I do hope he will get a minimum-wage job and try to make it on his own. I also plan to leave a conditional will, where I will match whatever income he generates. That way, he will be incentivized to be productive. Technically speaking, he is set for life as it is, but it would be a disaster to tell him that.
How old is your kid?
With your investment properties, take them out to do some rental property maintenance with them. It could be fun!
I love how you flipped the idea of feeling “poor” to teach kids important life lessons. It’s not about actually being poor, but more about giving them a reality check. Kids don’t really get the struggle unless they see how hard it can be to earn money or what it takes to manage it. Like that Pokémon card moment—kids bringing expensive cards to camp? That’s the kind of social pressure kids face, and it makes sense why your son might feel a bit excluded. But props to him for not asking for cards, he’s already learning the value of “less is more”.
In the end, it’s all about finding that balance between luxury and grit, and it sounds like you’re doing just that!
I grew up as one of 5 children on a small farm in Ireland. Money was tight but my parents managed it well and paid for our university educations. They encouraged us to get good jobs but emphasized quality of life. Family time, fun, hobbies and travel were considered more important than a big house and a status car. I’ve ended up in North America for most of my adult life and have raised 3 children here. Difficult to sail against the prevailing wind of ‘there must be more money.’ When our children were in high school my husband and I could afford to spend more than we did. I thought a lot about this and came up with a guideline: I didn’t want our children to be embarrassed by not having some nice things but we were not going to pay for them to be trendsetters. (They went to an affluent public school and designer stuff abounded.)
So much depends on the individual child. Our son transferred to a magnet arts school for his final 2 years of high school and was positively embarrassed by the (relatively) nice car he drove. Our middle child was acutely ashamed of the clunker my husband drove and our youngest was kinda oblivious.
Our middle child told me recently that it took her years to figure out that it takes a special kind of confidence to drive a clunker without embarrassment.
We encouraged – and paid for – a lot of travel, although nothing luxurious! Our more materialistic child got an eye opener by spending 6 months in Cambodia.
As adults, 2 are good money managers and the third is figuring it out.
Your comment brings back so many memories for me! Specifically:
“ I didn’t want our children to be embarrassed by not having some nice things but we were not going to pay for them to be trendsetters.”
When I was in middle school, very formative years, I was always embarrassed sitting in my dad‘s 1976 Dotson with missing hubcaps and stripped away paint. We were stationed in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia, and lived in a relatively nice house provided by the government, but had a real clunker. I always ducked my head low so nobody I knew saw me in it!
The funny thing is, it had diplomatic license plates, which was a powerful thing back then.
This embarrassment in middle school continued in high school where I drove a Toyota Corolla FX 16 hatchback. At least my mom was nice enough to buy it for me for $2100, and then I earned money at McDonald’s to pay it back.
The experience made me go crazy for nicer cars as soon as I got my first paycheck and for the next 10 years after. Holy crap, our childhood experiences shape ones adulthood. I think I need to write a post about this.
Your two out of three kids good with money is pretty good!
Haha! LOVE the detailed description of your Dad’s car. I should clarify that our son was embarrassed because he thought his small hand-me-down Acura was TOO nice compared to the cars his classmates drove.
So far there’s been no trauma-based vehicle purchases :)
Our son lives in London – he’s an actuary with EY – and doesn’t own a car.
Our older daughter is a mostly stay-at-home mom and is happy to drive a hand-me-down.
Our youngest took a job with Deloitte straight out of college but continued to drive her high school Honda Fit until I became concerned about its road worthiness and encouraged her to upgrade.
Gotcha! Yeah, one night I took it out for a spin when it was a monsoon. The car lost a hub cap and floated away in the monsoon drain and my dad had no idea for years until I told
Him!
I thought this article was particularly interesting — not only because I agree with you, but you included good solid examples. I was a farm kid from Michigan whose parents had very little money. But they taught us how to live frugally, work hard and save to get what we wanted. Including college.
My first thought, though, was: “Who pays someone else to teach their kid how to ride a bike???” I honestly never heard of this!
And…why not have your son do some extra chores to earn those Pokemon cards?
I went to the University of Dayton at age 21 because my parents did not feel that I would make it against kids coming right out of high school. I majored in Mechanical Engineering and made Dean’s List my first semester at UD. My mother was impressed, and I paid my own way through my four years at UD. When I graduated at age 26, I was the highest paid engineering graduate that Spring. I did not move back home to Cleveland. I never looked back. As a lower middle-class family, not much was expected, and I was not of that mindset. I moved up at all of the companies I worked for over the 45 years of my career and found that I really did not wish to retire early, because I truly enjoyed the work that I was doing and the money they paid me for doing what I was good at.
Now I am retired and more than well enough off to not have to worry about have money during my retirement. My wife and I live comfortably in a nice home and neighborhood.
So, I believe that growing up poor helped me and made me very happy with the life I have been able to make for my wife and myself. Being humble and knowing there are people with a whole lot more does not bother me, for several of the people I went to school with are still struggling to be able to retire.
My best to you and yours in the New Year and keep the post coming.
John Boyd Walter
I’m a level 50 Pokémon GO player and mainly play for free by earning my coins, even though I can afford it. My son started playing in 2016 and got me hooked! We still play together.
Regarding your son’s lack of cell phone… you can get a prepaid phone for about $50 (less on black friday sales). There is no need to activate a monthly subscription to use the phone (buy it from the retailer rather than cell phone company). Have him connect to your phone’s hot spot using wifi connection. It’s a small amount to spend and will allow you both to play together. Have fun!
Hi, excellent post! Made me think of how my grandfather taught me the value of money but also on choosing need over want. A little background, I am from an Asian background and being the 2nd born and female I was sent to live mostly with my grandfather while my brother was brought up by my parents. My grandfather was loving but strict. Everything was a lesson, and everything had to be earned. I had to get up early to work on the farm, after school and on weekends. If I did not milk the cows in the morning or grew and pick the vegetables in the evenings, everyone in the household had to go without them. It was my task, and I had to do it. It installed a good work ethic in me. Working on the weekends helped me earn pocket money for the week which I mostly saved. But then I went and bought a bicycle with my pocket money so I can ride with my friends on the weekends who all had one. My grandfather was not pleased but he did not say anything. My friends taught me how to ride the bike and we had fun that year but the next year my friends were into video games and did not ride their bicycles much. My bicycle chains had rusted as it mostly stayed outside, and I just gave it a rinse with hose after using it. I was at this time saving up my money to buy a video game, but it was taking a long time as video games cost 3 times more than a bicycle. My grandfather suggested selling the bicycle, but no one wanted to buy a rusted last year’s model which did not work anymore when they can buy a brand new one for a little more money. My grandfather at this point taught me how to look after my bicycle, cleaning and oiling the chains, sanding and painting the chips, how to repair a puncture and building a small shed for it. To save bus fare, I started riding my bicycle to school which led to someone offering me delivery job. I never bought a video game, instead used my savings to buy baskets for my bike and a good backpack. The extra money I earned helped me buy shoes, clothes and school supplies and a bank balance. The lessons I learnt here was that firstly I need to learn how to look after my things before I buy them otherwise, they won’t last long and also to buy needs before wants if ever. I am 40yrs old now and financially well off and can afford to have my cars serviced, my house repairs and upkeep done by someone else. But I still do it myself because it gives me pride that I can look after my things (and save money), and I still love to learn new things. Plus, I have a toolshed rivaling most of my male friends. Hahaha
When my younger of 2 daughters was in high school, “ALL! All of them, dad!!” her friends had nicer stuff than she did, so she lobbied for a bigger house, more expensive clothes, etc. We had a modest 1970s 3bdx3ba split level in a tidy working class neighborhood.
One morning, when I was driving her to her high school, she was going on about this stuff again and I told her I could earn a bunch more money, but I probably wouldn’t see her much or be able to do things like drive her to school as I’d be working 12+ hrs a day. She said that was no problem and figured I could still be home for dinner with her by 7pm daily. I laughed and told her I’d remind her of that when she got a job. In fact, now that she’s in her 30s in a corporate job, I’ve relished the opportunity to remind her of that morning in multiple occasions when she complains about a job that is easier than the job I had when she was in high school. She laughs and groans at her teen self.
She and her sister always had chores. If the chores weren’t done and done well, they were punished. They got a small allowance until they were old enough to work (babysit, barista, wait tables) but they still got in trouble if they didn’t do their chores or do what they were told. They were expected to pull their weight around the house and be respectful of their parents regardless of how much $ they had.
We were willing to pay for college, but they had to pay for their own entertainment. When the younger daughter was in college, she worked out a deal with me in which she borrowed $ from the bank of dad at 0% interest to cover all costs I wouldn’t pay for (entertainment etc) so she didn’t have to work for the last few yrs of college. Her logic was that she only got to have the college experience once as a kid, so she wanted to do well in school and thoroughly enjoy the college experience vs. spend her non-study time working like I did when I was in college. She used her degree to get a Fortune 50 tech job and paid me back quickly.
Did the kids’ perception of our relative poverty motivate them to work hard for wealth when they were out of our house? Perhaps. But I think their work ethic and related success comes more from the clear and unwavering expectation that they couldn’t be free to do or have what they wanted until they had earned it. I think that expectation can be built regardless of how wealthy a family is. For instance, we had yard maintenance folks and house cleaners come every couple weeks, which some would view as spoiling kids or parental laziness. We also had a small motorboat for summer fun, and the kids had the toys they wanted to play with their friends…snowboards, their own car (our old car) etc, so it ain’t like they were suffering.
As adults, both girls are doing well with their careers and financial goals. That younger daughter who wanted me to work more is now successful and respected in her career and, in partnership with her husband, is already much wealthier and financially smarter than we were when she was in high school. She also has a strong appreciation for work/life balance and wouldn’t work 12 hours days like she wanted her old man to do back in her teen years. However, when we reviewed our updated estate plan with her recently, she said she was going to kill us and retire with our money, so I guess we still have some work to do with her…. ;-). I probably need to accept accountability for her terrible sense of humor.
Haha! Amazing! Great that you decided to spend more time with her than work more when she was young, and so fun to be able to tease her now that she has a job.
The thing is, jobs, tire people out! So for kids to then expect parents to be all chipper and energetic for the 3 to 6 hours after school and after work is a little unrealistic.
I don’t have a job, but I wake up early, right, and play a lot of sports. If I don’t have my nap in the afternoon, I am really running on empty by 5:30 PM 6 PM.
Congrats on your Two Daughters turning out great!
I think your story supports my thesis that it helps for our children to have less than others to keep them motivated.
I agree with a lot said here about not spoiling children, and certainly some of the more affluent kids I know are growing up to be absolutely horrible people with no concept of the value of money or humanity. Having said that, I think it’s also very easy to fall into the opposite trap and inadvertently create a child that worries too much.
Your example of how you were going to tell your son that you could use the money for Pokemon cards or food is one..well, example. It reminded me of something from my own childhood. My late parents weren’t rich, but worked hard and were comfortably well off enough to buy anything that we really needed. When I was around 11 or 12, I was told that they would throw me a big birthday party, because it was the last party that I would have. I was surprised – I’d never asked for big birthday parties, and all my other friends hadn’t mentioned anything similar. I just assumed that this was what happened, that you had birthday parties until that age and then you didn’t.
My parents explained that it was because they were too expensive, which made me sad. We’re talking about English small town parties in the 1980s, where it was common for parents to rent a local community space like a church hall or local clubhouse, set up some basic party finger food, play some music and games and have some cake, nothing too extravagant.
Realistically, I think that because both my parents were self-employed and worked long hours that it was just a lot of stress to arrange, more than the cost of the event. I don’t begrudge them for that as my birthday falls right before Christmas so they had that to deal with as well as the busiest month of the year in our retail shop. I also hate planning events myself, so totally get it! But there’s no doubt that it played a part in completely messing up my psychology around spending money unnecessarily.
I felt guilty when they told me it cost too much, because I felt selfish for not realising what a burden I’d been while I was celebrating my birthday with friends. I can imagine that if someone is told that it’s a choice between what they want and a family necessity like food then its even worse. I was also made to feel (accidentally) like having fun or enjoying myself or even wanting anything nice was ‘childish’. I came away with the impression that you were meant to stop having fun once you reached adulthood and that you had to then start treating everything seriously.
Of course, I was perplexed when all of my friends just kept on having birthday parties once they reached their teens and into adulthood. I realised that what I’d been told wasn’t the norm. But along with other takeaways from my parents’ often overly-frugal over-worked example, the damage had been done.
I’m 45 now and apart from the odd clubbing trip in my teen years I have never had another birthday party. I feel actively stressed out and worried if anyone suggests doing anything, because I still instantly feel like I’m putting other people to too much trouble.
I also know people with similar backgrounds who suffer from depression and anxiety over money issues, because they feel like they’re not ‘good enough’ to meet the approval of parents who were financially strict with them. I’m not saying this as a personal attack, but you mention that you told your son to take sports lessons seriously because you were paying for them. This is exactly what one of my friends says his dad did to him. Now he hates sports, because they make him feel anxious and like he can’t have any fun unless he’s constantly trying to be the best. He learned to approach everything like he was training for the Olympics, and not like it was a fun activity to keep fit. He even had to give up the local casual weekend football matches because he gets too stressed out if his team doesn’t win. Again, not a personal attack or advice, but just an example of how easy it is for things to backfire. Sometimes when we think we’re teaching kids to value money we’re teaching them to get anxious about wasting it or having fun instead.
Wonderful feedback, thank you. That’s great that you highlighted some of these risks to adulthood. Sorry if your upbringing has resulted in some difficulties.
How do you think your parents could have better conveyed to you they didn’t want to throw parties anymore because they take so much work? Or what do you wish they would have done instead?We threw a birthday party for our then five-year-old son, and it was so much work that we decided to stop throwing them and to just have family celebration gatherings for the time being. He’s enjoyed these gatherings a lot. Luckily, there are plenty of other birthday parties that he participates in and has a lot of fun too.
My planned statement to my son was an attempt at personal finance humor in this article. I wouldn’t have said that. I probably would’ve said “Maybe, let’s talk about it when you get home. Enjoy nature.”
Can you elaborate on this statement?
“ But there’s no doubt that it played a part in completely messing up my psychology around spending money unnecessarily.”
Are you saying that you’ve been overly frugal your adult life, which has hurt your lifestyle? Were there anything else going on with your parents and how they treated you?
I have “frugality disease / spending guilt,” but I feel that has helped my lifestyle because it encourage me to save an invest more to be free sooner. It’s kind of like me getting headaches if I drink too much wine or smoke. Big as the pain of the headaches is not worth it, I don’t end up drinking or smoking, which has made me healthier I think. But without this defense mechanism, I probably would drink and smoke a lot.
Good feedback on your friend as well. What a tricky situation for a parent to teach their child to take things seriously, and not psychologically mess them up in the process. I reminded my son to focus in his parkour lesson this morning, but also I told him to also have fun and enjoy the moment thanks to your feedback.
I grew up middle class with a very frugal father. I remember when I was ten or so my father announced we would no longer have soft drinks in the house as they were too expensive. There would be iced tea or instant lemonade (more to appease my younger brother who hated iced tea) in the fridge. My father kept cans in the garage but these were strictly reserved for his lunches – he always took a packed lunch. To this day I much prefer ice tea and without sugar it is even healthy.
I hear you. My dad didn’t let me drink anything but water either a lemon when we went out. Free and healthier!
My son has heaps of Pokemon cards. Apparently you can get them cheaply on AliExpress.
Great post. Not spoiling my children is my #1 concern given that we live in a very affluent suburb where the reality of life is almost always distorted. I constantly remind them we are the underdogs and if they want something I make them buy it with the money they have earned from snow shoveling and car washing. If the money is coming out of their pockets, the “wants” and “needs” change drastically.
“ If the money is coming out of their pockets, the “wants” and “needs” change drastically.”
Well said!
I totally agree on withholding back things from kids. As parents, we can practically buy anything our kids want, but doing so will surely spoil them and make them less appreciative of what they have.
I do wonder how much nurture affects our children’s attitudes about hard work and earning what they deserve. I’ve seen plenty of wealthy children turn out just fine.. as opposed to the more common narrative of rich kids turning out spoiled and lazy.
We just got back from Japan and our daughter wanted every toy in every store we went into!
Yes I very much believe there is a benefit to feeling poor as a kid. I’m not referring to poverty as that can have traumatic effects, but having less than one’s peers at least some of the time has its benefits.
Having to work and save for rewards is key. As is having and wanting to contribute, appreciating things, and showing kindness.
We can always change as adults but fostering values during childhood can have a lifelong positive impact.