Being a full-time parent is hard. It's way harder than any day job I've ever had. And I worked in the high-pressure world of investment banking fo 13 years.
After being a stay at home father since early 2017, I long to take a vacation from parenthood by going back to work. Both kids will be attending school full-time in September 2024. As a result, I'll have this void to fill.
Sure, I should probably use this time to recharge and relax. However, with two more extra days of free time, I feel it's important to stay productive by consulting part-time.
Entrepreneurship, Day Job, Parenthood
One of the things I learned after leaving Corporate America is that entrepreneurship is much harder than a day job. When you have to be the marketer, the creator, the accountant, the publicist, and the customer support, you often wonder how you can make any decision to move your business forward.
But after almost four years of being a full-time parent, I've come to realize that being an entrepreneur is a walk in the park in comparison! Full-time Parenting > Entrepreneurship > Day Job in terms of degree of difficulty.
As a stay at home dad to a newborn, you realize why sleep-deprivation is an effective torture technique used by the CIA. You experience mini-heart attacks on a daily basis because there's always a close call as they learn to crawl and walk.
You endure pain in your knees and back because you constantly get down on their level to make a connection. Your patience is tested as you read the same books, work on the same dexterity exercises, and use the same hand signs over and over again. Then of course there's the diaper changing, temper tantrums, and crying.
Despite all the difficulties of child raising, I wouldn't trade the initial years of parenthood for the world. The joy you get from seeing your little one smile and waddle into your arms when you enter the room is priceless. There's also an incredible sense of satisfaction helping your baby reach milestones.
Two Years Of Full-Time Parenthood Seems Like Enough
Now that I'm in my seventh year of full-time parenthood, I'm beginning to plan ahead. Whereas the typical dad in America might stay at home between 2 – 14 weeks, I told myself that I would stay at home for at least 104 weeks. If I can last, then my ultimate goal is to be a stay at home dad for 260 weeks until both kids go to kindergarten. I succeed with my boy, as he began kindergarten in April 2022. Now I plan to succeed with my daughter, who will turn five at the end of 2024.
Pediatricians say the first two years are the most important developmental years in a child's life. A child’s brain triples in size from birth to age two and reaches about 75% of an adult's brain size. Therefore, to be present as much as possible during these first two years seems like a good idea. If he becomes a problem child, at least I gave it my best shot.
I'm not sure how much longer I can last being a full-time dad. I've begun to experience occasional heart arrhythmia from the pressures of simultaneously running a business and helping care for our son with my wife. The global pandemic added a lot more uncertainty, pressure, and stress. We pulled our son from preschool in Feb 2020 and have homeschooled him since.
I also gained another five pounds from the lack of exercise and constant food delivery. Finally I've begun to feel the full force of being a sole provider after we bought a real forever home in 4Q2023. With more property taxes and maintenance expenses to pay, I feel more financial pressure to provide.
Going from 5 am – 9 pm every day can get exhausting. I'm exhausted!
A Need To Mix Things Up
Some friends, who have older children, tell me parenting gets easier and more rewarding as children grow. But I can't count on them being right. Instead, I'm counting on them being wrong so I can hopefully be surprised on the upside.
I need to find some way to unwind before having some type of breakdown. The solution I've come up with is taking a year long vacation by going back to work! All my male friends find fatherhood to be relatively easy because they have full-time jobs.
On average, my father friends spend 1-3 hours with their children. For the rest of the day, they're in meetings, doing their work, or going on the occassional business trip. Sounds like a great vacation!
Several mothers I've spoken to have found relief in going back to work after three months, although they say they struggle with guilt. But after two years of being a stay at home dad, I don't think I'll have much guilt at all, especially if my son goes to pre-school.
Full-Time Work As A Way To Decompress
Here are eight reasons why going back to work could be the perfect vacation from parenthood.
1) A long and peaceful commute.
Although commuting was the #1 reason why I hated going to work, since leaving work in 2012, ridesharing costs have come down by over 50% since. No longer do I need to wait for a super crowded bus that is hardly ever on time.
Once there is herd immunity again, I like the idea of sitting peacefully by myself in an Uber or Lyft for 30-40 minutes each morning and evening. During this time, I could daydream, sleep, or consume mindless information on my phone.
2) Easy work objectives.
When I worked in banking, there was constant pressure to bring in the most revenue and be ranked in the top 3 with every single client. That's all I knew for 13 years. When I did some consulting for some fintech startups, I realized this type of pressure was not normal.
Despite working in a fast-paced startup environment, I found people at the three startups I consulted for to be much less high strung with much lower objectives. As a result, I believe I can go back to work at most places and not feel the same amount of pressure that I felt in banking.
It's also an extremely exciting time to work in artificial intelligence. And San Francisco so happens to be home to some of the largest AI companies in the world, like Anthropic and OpenAI. I think it'd be fun to work in AI and make a lot of money as well.
3) Nice water cooler conversations, holiday parties, and work boondoggles.
Nobody works 100% of the time during the work day. There's a lot of long bathroom breaks, smoke breaks, coffee breaks, lunch breaks, and company outings. I'm always envious of friends who get to go with their work team to a Giants or Warriors game in the middle of the day.
I love attending holiday parties and watching colleagues get drunk and making a fool out of themselves in front of their bosses. One time a guy got so drunk he professed his love for his female boss in front of a dozen folks. It was hilarious! Seriously, who doesn't love having fun on company time while also getting paid.
4) Endless meetings to relax the mind.
Some organizations have so many meetings it's hard to get anything done. Combine so many meetings with water cooler conversations and work boondoggles, it's no wonder why I found it much easier to get 3X more done in the same amount of time working for myself at home.
Getting 1X worth of stuff done at work would be a piece of cake. I'd use all the endless meetings and extra time to zone out and recharge my mental health. I might even go work out for an hour a day as well.
5) A better social life.
As an extrovert, I enjoy spending time with people. This pandemic has been harder for me than my wife, who is an introvert. Loneliness definitely increased during this time period.
My wife has the amazing ability to stay at home for an entire week and not go stir crazy. I, on the other hand, start getting grouchy after about one day of being at home.
Joining a workforce elevates my chance of having a better social life. I should be able to make new friends and attend the random weekend BBQ or house party. I love those.
Related: The Key To A Longer Life: Fear Being Alone
6) Optimization of work.
Even with blogging, there's a diminishing level of return. It feels wonderful to work online for 2-3 hours a day and get 90% of the benefits. After the third hour of blogging, blogging no longer becomes fun. It starts to feel like work, which then decreases my joy of blogging.
By going to work for eight hours a day and earning a steady paycheck, I could easily maintain Financial Samurai before and after work just like the old days. Maximizing the day brings me joy.
Related: Why Blogging Is The Best Business On Earth
7) More appreciation for family.
Distance always makes the heart grow fonder. But if you're with someone 24/7, you will naturally take that person for granted. By being gone most of Monday – Friday, I'll appreciate my Saturdays and Sundays with the family more. I'll plan more fun things for all of us to do.
My wife will also appreciate more of my efforts during the first two years of our son's life and become more independent as well.Finally, my son might miss me more and be more excited to spend time with me.
8) Financial relief.
The obvious benefit of full-time work is getting a steady paycheck and healthcare benefits. It was relatively easy providing for just the two of us, but something about having a baby increases your level of financial responsibility to new heights. Having an extra income and insurance source would certainly create more relief, especially if the stock market and real estate market begins to seriously roll over.
We pay $2,250 a month for health insurance as a self-employed family of four. Then we pay another $120 for dental insurance. That's nuts! How is this even a reasonable amount to pay when all of us are all relatively healthy? It's clearly not.
I completely believe that $300,000 a year in gross income is necessary to live a middle-class lifestyle in a big city. We plan to stay in San Francisco or relocate to Honolulu eventually.
Find The Right Vacation Job From Parenthood
Getting a job at a startup, in banking, or in management consulting would not be a vacation job. Instead, a “vacation job” is one that's at a huge organization where profits are plentiful.
The larger the organization, the smaller your impact. Given management has lower expectations of you and has so much money, your stress will be lower. At a startup, one wrong decision could mean the death of the business.
Organizations that have long-term objectives instead of quarterly objectives are also wonderful. Working for a small-cap public company is probably going to be incredibly stressful because they'll always be wondering which gorilla will launch a competing product and eat their lunch. Conversely, working at a large private organization could be just the ticket.
I don't want the term vacation job to be pejorative. I'm simply describing a vacation job as something fun, meaningful, and that can be easily accomplished based on your skill set. A vacation job is the perfect solution for your fake retirement!
Here are vacation jobs from parenthood that would best suit me:
* Venture Capitalist: You get paid well, don't have to risk any of your money, work reasonable hours, don't have to build a business, get to attend a lot of social functions, and aren't judged on performance until the end of the fund's life (5-10 years). A lot of venture capitalists don't even have firsthand experience building a business. It's great to be a VC for a larger firm. The pay is great.
* Angel investor: Being an angel investor is one of the best types of trust fund jobs around. You're just making small investments in various startups with your own capital.
* Quant Fund Manager: The computer does all the investing for you once you've developed the proper algorithms. So long as you are performing in-line or better than your index, all you've got to do is press a button once in a while and you're golden.
* Index Fund Manager: Your job is to simply stay on top of any changes in a particular index and copy the changes in your index fund. You literally don't have to think of any new ideas or make any hard decisions because your investors are investing in your fund for the low fees. But you can easily try to market yourself as an Index+ investor with a sexy edge if you want.
* Sports Broadcaster: It would be amazing to be a sideline reporter for every major tennis open. I can easily watch tennis for eight hours a day and talk about tennis for another four hours. Ah, now you know another reason why I've been practicing my oral delivery through my podcast.
* Fintech Startup Board Member / Advisor: As someone who lives in San Francisco, worked with dozens of fintech startups since 2009 and organically grew a personal finance site to 1M+ organic pageviews a month, I'd be a good fit for many startups in the financial technology space. I'm connected, have operational expertise, know how to grow a business, and have a platform they can leverage.
Happiness, Marriage, Parenthood
Some of you might say “the grass is always greener.” But don't forget I've had plenty of experience being a full-time worker, entrepreneur, and parent already. Parenthood is by far the hardest job.
The last thing I want to do is get a divorce after kids, like some of my peers. I've done my best to be the sole-income provider. I've also provided 4-5 hours of childcare on average every day for years. I'm just burning out and something has to give.
For 2023 and beyond, one of my goals is to practice more the separation of tasks. As soon as there is herd immunity, I'm probably going to at least look for part-time freelance opportunities. This way, we can divide and conquer parenthood better.
I'd love to know if you have a vacation job or know of anybody who has a vacation job. All ideas are welcome. By planning ahead, I hope to increase my chances of landing that perfect gig!
Related posts about parenthood:
Up Next For Financial Samurai: Less Retirement, More Entrepreneurship
A List Of Career Limiting Moves To Blow Up Your Future
Family Or Career? You Only Have To Sacrifice 5 Years Of Your Life
Examples Of Good Resumes That Get Jobs
Sam – long time reader here … I was shocked to hear of your plans to return to the corporate world. Surely it isn’t a financial decision, or is it? Reading your most recent blog post I got that impression. Obviously I don’t have your entire financial picture here, but I can’t imagine you’re not able to comfortably live off of your passive investment income and revenues from this site while still saving a big chunk every month. Or am I totally misjudging your financial situation here?
That being said, I totally understand you wanting to get back to work to have something interesting and worthwhile to do. Personally, I am aiming for FI (instead of FIRE), because I’d like to have more freedom. I could never imagine being happy at home for more than a few days in a row. Would working part time be an option for you? That might give you the best of two worlds. Obviously finding an interesting job (especially in the world of finance) may be a challenge if that’s a criterion. But then again, you do have the luxury of waiting for the perfect job posting and then applying … Thoughts?
I made a promise to be a stay at home dad for two years at least, and perhaps until he starts going to pre-school (2 years, 9 months earliest). The 2 year and 2 year 9 month mark will be in 2019, and therefore, I like to plan ahead. I’m always planning ahead, trying to forecast the future because why not, it’s free. I’m looking for a social and professional outlet, and part-time consulting work is likely the best solution.
Given the publication of my DIRE Movement post, I feel that it’s going to be harder to make money from my investments over the next 3-5 years. Therefore, finding some interesting work that brings in some bacon is a great way to supplement a slowdown or a loss on net worth.
I think going back to work would be like a nice vacation, much like getting an MBA. I don’t need the money, but hanging out with cool people building something I care about while getting paid sounds good. Work is much more enjoyable when you don’t need to work.
Check out: The Negatives Of Early Retirement Nobody Likes Talking About
Good luck! I think you will find the grass it not always greener on the other side. Schools- public and private- expect an enormous amount from parents. Field trips, mystery reader day (mom when will you be my mystery reader- I’m sorry son it’s scheduled at the same time I have my SLT briefing). Oh. And homemade food (what, you brought Publix cupcakes?!!). Or they get out at 3. And need to go to aftercare. Or other activities. Nanny – Sign me up! But good luck finding one that shows up on time and does the basic things you ask. And forget it if you have a special needs kid that requires an IOP (look it up) along with constant supervision of what’s going on at school or with the myriad of therapists.
AFTER all that you get to cook, clean, maybe watch a show and start it all over again.
And I hope for you that you don’t have aging parents that need oversight.
This is life. In America. For people who have very good incomes.
Sounds wonderful if I can focus on doing just that or if I can focus on 80% work and 20% fatherhood like many working parents.
If I have to do both and provide for the family, that’s a lot of pressure. Probably unsustainable over the long run.
Do you mean IEP? What’s your situation?
Wow look at all the comments this post generated! So much good stuff in one. I think it’s really cool to see the round up of jobs available but I also wanted to say kudos for doing the stay at home dad gig if even for a while. I had a stay at home dad and I can say I’m an engineer because I thought as a woman I would be the provider of my family the same way my mom was. His impact on me growing up as a caretaker was a positive force in my life! He also picked up some jobs on the side to feel more fulfilled as we grew up.
Being a stay at home parent is a lot of work! I’ve been doing it for about 11 months and I am tired. It’s like hitting the ‘go’ button from 6am until 7:30pm without any pause for break. Letting your mind ‘rest’ is not a thing unless it is nap time or baby is asleep.
I wonder if you can find a part time job where you can get some time away but then not be away for too long. I think that would be the ideal and that’s what I plan to do.
I think it is a good idea getting back into working “vacation style”. Working elegantly is definitely the way to go. Hey it helped me to get C-suite in 5 years of a 15.000 people company. So I believe most jobs can truly be “vacation jobs”.
Why are you gaining weight samurai? I run and lift while my one year old naps…
Food and diet the same…
sounds horrible dude. Just go buy a stupid small business and run it, don’t take a job working for something else, you’ll resent having to answer to other people.
I stayed at home with my boy, until he was 22 months old, than he stayed with my husband for 1 month (law in my country permits us to stay so much time with the kid, and still get payed..85%of income you had the year before baby comes).
For me it was hard and I think I only know one more mother that says so…everybody around says otherwise and I’m thinking that I’m the one with a problem.My toddler is now in kindergarten, from 8am-17 pm and at home in the weeks he gets sick (his grandma comes to stay with him in those weeks). He has learned a lot in the months he has gone to kindergarten (he is now 26 months old) and he always talks about the other toddlers, what activities they have there.
But while I stayed at home, I was the one cooking, playing with him, get him to the park,cleaning (looking back, I’m really sorry I didn’t hire some help). And at such a small age, he just wanted my attention…he didn’t stay one minute alone.
Even now, I’m happy when I get 5-10′ of him playing with water(washing his toys or with plastic cups) or arranging his toys in their home.I can use those minutes to get things done.So the time he stays alone has improved, and if we had a garden I’m sure it would be easier for us…but that’s how it is at the moment.
Again, thank you for not saying that it all super-fun and just a walk in the park
Interesting topic. I wanted to (and did) stay home with our three kiddos (twins and a single 2 years younger). Twenty-plus years later, I still tell my husband it was the greatest gift he gave me. The deal was I could stay home but he would need help paying for their college expenses. I went back to work one day a week when they started middle school through high school, then back full time when the twins started college. I didn’t miss a thing in their lives and I believe it made it easier for me to move through their growing phases. I find many of my friends who went back to the work force (either by need or choice) lamenting at each milestone. “Where did the time go?” “How did they grow up so fast?” Nope. Never felt this because I saw it happen. I was there for every moment. Yes it was hard. Yes it was a whirlwind. But even a bad day home with the kids beat a good day at the office in my opinion. I know not everyone is suited for this but for me it truly was a gift. We didn’t do expensive vacations or even Disney but looking back, it was worth it. (How did I survive? Keeping them busy! The first few hours of the day was cleaning and chores, which they participated in, and afternoons were fun. Big cardboard boxes, a sand box on the deck, plastic pool on the deck with a bit of water for sailing boats, washing toys, action figure adventures, field trips to the park, museum, mall or beach. We’d go watch container ships sail. Picnic anywhere and everywhere. Ride the train. Go on nature hikes. Make meals. Sewing. Puppet shows. Dress up. Role playing. Backyard camping. Backyard carnivals…..) I realized that as much as I brought to a 9-5 job, all my skills and talent and expertise and all the “extra sauce” I proudly invented, at the end of the day really didn’t matter. As long as a person had the basic skills to do the job, that was all that was really required. Anyone’s butt in the chair will do. But at home I was irreplaceable. I believe no one could be a better mom to my kids than me. So even when things were tough, somehow I had to find the ability to solve the problem and get through it. I had to be creative beyond my wildest dreams. My stay at home mom neighbors became my coworkers. We laughed and bitched, shared tips and recipes and sometimes tears. They were my lifeline during the day. So I guess the take away from all this: get connected, get creative and enjoy every moment you are given with your child. (Yes, I’m still working but part time and will probably retire for good in about 3 years. No Mondays or Fridays. Best schedule ever)
This is a super interesting post since currently I’m the stay at home mama. It does come with it’s ups and downs. But I feel fortunate that I don’t have the stress of working FT commuting let’s face it the Bay Area commute is brutal and coming home to more work I can’t imagine. I’m super tired all the time but seeing my little one grow is such a blessing. They grow too fast and I feel super lucky that I get to spend this time with my 18 month old. I know my girlfriends would love to do the same if they could. I’m looking for part-time work which I can make close to my previous FT salary wo benefits by billing an hourly rate and keep some Flexibility. We’ll probably move out of the area when preschool comes around(can’t wait grew up in Bay Area yeah it’s not that bad but tired of it and way too expensive). All in all it’s tough but I strongly feel we have to look at the positives since the negatives always have a way coming in. Best!
Sam,
Read this post without much interest earlier in the week, but you highlighted it in your email so visiting it for a second time. I think it’s timely for me given it’s Mother’s Day.
My wife is a SAHM. We never planned it this way, but once #1 was born it wasn’t long until my wife told me she wants to stay home for as long as possible. I actually bought our first house 2 days after #1 was born. Financially, there were lots of sacrifices. 5 years later, my wife remains a SAHM and we’re expecting #4 next month.
Comparatively speaking, my job is a cake walk compared to the responsibilities of my wife. I work in a role where I travel 18 weeks a year, sometimes for weeks overseas.
I think our biggest asset is serving one another. Carving out selfish interests that are important to each of us and supporting each other without reservation. It sounds easy, but with almost 4 children sometimes this means making big sacrifices so the other person can ‘get away’ to recharge.
My wife gets out of the house and stays connected like you do. Involved in our church, supporting kids sports teams, classroom parent for preschool, etc. This has helped build connections with other parents in the same position and creates play dates. Play dates are another opportunity for adult conversations.
I rambled on more than I planned, but ultimately the stay at home spouse has the toughest job on the planet. We should give pause to think about how hard they have it, what they sacrifice, and tell them how appreciative we are for them.
This post should be required reading for anyone who dreams of FIRE.
The grass is not always greener. Most things have their downsides. IMHO, there is an age where one is too young to leave the workforce. Retirement is great when you are actually retired and your kids are not kids anymore.
FWIW, I early retired three years ago at 53. My two daughters are now 25 and 22. DW and I do what we want, when we want. We go to the gym together every morning (well M-F) and travel extensively (plan to sleep away from home 60 nights this year – and in future years as well). Bottom line is exiting the rat race can be great, but should be done at an appropriate time.
There are some who might disagree (left work in their 30’s or 40’s) and are happy as can be. I think they are more the outliers.
Sam, I hope you find what you are looking for. Recognize that it make take a couple of different attempts to find the right situation (vacation job as you put it).
Good luck!!
My husband has been a stay-at-home dad for 2 years (since my oldest was born) and our second was born in January of this year. I transitioned to work-at-home, online entrepreneur at the end of 2017 and shift my hours a couple of work days a week to give him some relief and then work after the boys go to bed.
Over the two years, we have periodically discussed hiring parent helpers or sending our oldest to daycare a day or two a week, but my husband always decides against it. Is he exhausted? Absolutely. Are there days he looks at me with a “what is happening?!” face? You bet. But he loves it and views school as the light at the end of the tunnel. He will be able to spend more time in his woodshop and developing our future property.
The important thing you mentioned is personality type. I love my children dearly but could never be a full time stay at home parent. The hours I spent closed in my office working are necessary for my happiness. Comparatively, my husband is an introvert, does not like having a boss, and couldn’t stand doing the same thing every day. It made being a private yacht captain a great job for him when we were younger, but it takes too many hours and days away from home to be realistic now. And working for billionaires has is own difficulties…
I can’t imagine my husband going back to work and I have a difficult time imagining sending my sons to daycare. But my husband does find value volunteering at the local aquarium, meetups with other young farmers (or potential farmers – as is his interest), and taking woodworking classes.
You have to do what is best for your mental health. Not everyone is the same! Plus, being a stay-at-home parent is incredibly hard, but being a stay-at-home dad is even harder. Never easy to be the odd one out!
Being a small group tourist guide. Or setting up your own adventure tour company.
Staying at home has never been a man’s business. It is not really that fun. The Chinese tycoon Li, Kasheng only retired at age of 89.
Get out and show the world your talents. Face-to-face is fun.
“The solution I’ve come up with is taking a year long vacation by going back to work.”
Oh God. This is terrifying me into not wanting to have kids. If only we could just skip over the boring hard parts and get to the fun, cute parts.
Had you ever considered outsourcing some of the mundane tasks by hiring a nanny?
Best of luck with your job search?
It’s tough, but is very rewarding. I think experience really teaches you to become a more patient and caring person.
We have a part-time babysitter that comes occasionally for 2 to 3 hours a day. It’s hard to find someone you trust, and it’s hard to hire out childcare services when we’re both at home. But taking a break here and there is a must. Our house is too small for a live-in nanny.
Best of luck and your baby making endeavor! Sounds like it’s about time :-)
Hello FS,
I went back to work after 2 weeks mat leave with both my kids. I realized it just wasn’t for me to stay home full time. I went back to practice half days and that was perfect for me. Especially if you are a social individual, it is very difficult to stay home all day.
But as your child gets older, just try to be available for his events, etc. It got more fun after that baby stage for me.
Good luck with whatever you end up choosing.
Sam — Interesting idea. Apologies if I missed it, but why are you going 0 to 60 so fast!? I know you’ve done it all — full-time gig, entrepreneur, stay-at-home dad, etc. — so this isn’t your first rodeo. But why not do part-time work instead of going full blown full-time? Seems like a part-time job would fit your needs best actually, and there’s research that suggests part-time work and parenting has been an optimal combo for parents.
What was the thought process for skipping that idea straight to full-time? Just harder to carve out part-time opportunities that you’d be interested in?
The theory makes total sense, but the jobs listed seem unrealistic. These are jobs that most people work their entire careers to get to, and it doesn’t seem possible to “drop” into one mid-career and after having taken a child care break.
My wife and I are struggling with the same thing. She stays at home while I go to work Mon-Fri. I own my own business so I work for myself, but I can say 100% that it is definitely easier to go to work and deal with [mostly] rational adults rather than a moody 2 year old and a 3 month old infant. We’re sending the 2 year old to school in September so he can socialize more. Why not try to get a part time job instead of jumping straight into another full time gig? FT + coming home to parent isn’t the easiest either!
I think your problem may be working full-time while being a full-time parent.
I’m a first time mom and although I’ve always been ambitious, this is the most challenging period of life. In fact, at 33 I just came do with shingles! That shouldn’t have happened for another 30 years. :) I think the stress of balancing a full time job with full time parenting worn me down. I work from home most days and am the primary caregiver of my nine-month-old. The stress of not being able to focus my attention on just one thing and the accompanying mini-heart attacks trying to keep my child out of trouble got to me. My ideal would be to just stay home with my little girl for the next two years, but my partner is not ok with the financial loss. And stalling my career also gives me pause. My solution: asking the spouse to step up and take on more responsibility at home. It’s a fight to get the husband to take on more responsibility for the baby and home without him believing he’s doing me a favor. The second shift is real for women!
Yes, doing both well is hard. So it’s about figuring out how to be OK with not being great at either. The easiest thing for me to do is to reduce work online b/c my son is infinity times more important.
However, if I don’t work and don’t stay on top of my investments, my wife will then have to go back to work, and that in turn would make me have to work more as a father. So it’s a delicate balance.
I’m guiding my wife that i’ll be there and dedicated until he goes to kindergarten.
I think it is a great idea getting back into working “vacation style”. I have always found if you have some brains and can think strategically then you can mold the job around you to maximise output but minimise time and seem like a hero all the time. Working smartly is definitely the way to go. Hey it helped me get to the C-suite in 5 years of a 15.000 people company. So I think most jobs can actually be “vacation jobs”.
Also I have found (being new to blogging) that working stimulates my subject matter and articles I want to explore. If I was a stay at home parent I think that would be harder and I am all for the easy route.
Good luck
Sam, I feel the most important part of parenting is caring for your child whether you work full time or not. I have three sons (14,18 and 27) who are all good kids – not geniuses or highly motivated, but good. In Freakonomics, Steven Levitt found a positive correlation between test scores and parents who wanted their children to be in a better school whether they were able to get into one or not. Being FI provides options, but also the challenge of deciding what the best option is. You have earned the ability to try whatever you want. I can’t imagine anything you choose will reduce the amount you care for your son, so he’ll be just fine.
Thanks for your words of wisdom Rich. 4 more years and you’ll be done with fatherhood! Time flies huh?
My father retired early. Started a business. Retired again. Started another business. Retired again. Then went back to a part-time minimum wage job. The issue wasn’t money but all the other things you mentioned. A wise man said that nothing will kill you faster than retirement. I love the FIRE mentality because if you achieve FI, you have options. We don’t have to take the RE part. We can if we want to, but don’t have to. I guess that’s why FI comes first? Anyway, enjoy the vacation job and let us all know where you land! – FS
Bro – you are hilarious! I love the way you are all over the place with ideas. It is good to be open minded and question everything like you do. I have been reading your blog for a long time. You have a very unique perspective and write well thought out and researched posts without plagiarizing. However, I always get a feeling of smugness and a slight touch of arrogance. I don’t mean that in a bad way. With someone as intelligent, opinionated and confident as you, you may come across as sanctimonious. Are you really serious about going back to slogging your butt off for some grumpy narrow minded TPS filing slob boss? Have you not watched Office Space in a while? Surely, ye jest. Is this the same Sam, who spent a good part of the last couple of years shaming parents who didn’t spend every moment with their precious child because they have to work? Are you that Sam, who thought it was ridiculous to outsource some tasks like cleaning your own toilet or sweeping the floor instead of spending time with your kids? Are you the same guy who said to buy buy buy SF real estate and lever up until you exhausted every last dollar of loans banks would give you? You have gone soft my friend. In other words, you have fallen back to earth, which is right where you belong with the rest of us. Gravity, always works.
Now that we got that out the way, I can see that you realize that being a full time parent and running a blog full time is no joke. You know what’s harder? Working part/full time and being a parent. Now try adding a few more kids to the equation, subtract a few million dollars in net worth, subtract a whole bunch of good luck/fortune, and add a spouse who also has to work to keep the lights on. Sam, take it easy, stop whining, hire some part time help/nanny/au pair/babysitting and take some breaks. Ask grandparents, friends, cousins, etc. to help. Don’t feel guilty about spending a little time away from your kid. They don’t need you all up in their business all day long. And, most likely it should get easier as he gets older. I say most likely, because kids go through phases, and have different personalities. So I cant guarantee it will get ‘easier’. It will surely be different, and fun, if you have an open minded positive attitude. Kids are a blessing. I kiss mine everyday. I cook all their food from scratch. They sleep in my bed every night and cuddle with me. I take them for fun bike rides, swimming, hiking, vacations, beaches, cultural stuff, classes, and countless fun activities. And yes I work full time and keep my hours under 40 per week while my comp in the high six figs. I spend less than 20 minutes commuting/walking and work from home often. I love my job. My wife stays home with the kids, and although its tougher than a ‘real’ job, she loves it. Hanging out with little children all day makes you go mad though, even if they are cute, so she takes breaks too. I’m fortunate. But perhaps not as fortunate as you since you don’t have to work! You don’t need this silly vacation job thing, assuming you are not pulling everyone’s leg. If you do decide to go for a job, none of the above are a good fit for you or the company, with the exception of the Fintech startup adivsor – I think that should be your target IF you are actually going to follow through with this ridiculous idea.
Man, your life sounds like a dream! To be able to say “I love my job” and have the wife stay home with the kids and love it as well is incredible. What more can a person ask for?
Do you know how lucky you really are?
BTW, I thought whining was complaining and then doing nothing about it. With this post, it’s forecasting a suboptimal time period, and coming up with a solution: vacation jobs. Any ideas for one?
Yes I am very lucky. I’ve had my fair share of bad luck too, like losing a baby more than halfway through pregnancy. You have no idea how much that hurts.
Good catch on the distinction between whining and complaining. You are correct, you plan to do something about it and that’s great.
A vacation job to me is something you enjoy doing. It is something you would do anyway even if pay was less. It is something that does not give you that Sunday night dread you feel in your belly. You don’t work too many hours at it (optimally less than 50 per week) but you work hard and smart (CFO alluded to that in a post below) and prove your worth through quantifiable achievements. You are allowed to speak your mind freely, even to your bosses. You can take as much vacation as you want/need without disrupting your performance and the company’s success. I sell long vacations as a positive to the company because I return refueled, energized and read to burn some rubber. A vacation job means no sucking up, no ‘selling’ myself, no clients, I am the client. No long/sweaty/unpleasant commutes. No meetings for the sake of setting up more meetings, preferably no meetings at all. No project management, following processes like a manual that would make you go insane. You should not be fire-able because you are
the most valuable employee, committed, honest. These are my personal criteria.
Can you find one of these? I think the fintech startup advisor could be a good fit. Others are proprietary trader, quantitative analyst in a hedge fund, artist, musician, etc.
Hi Sam,
I feel like we had this conversation a few months ago where I said putting my son in daycare and going back to work after a year at home was good for his social development and a relief for me, and you kinda made it seem like I should feel bad for not spending 24 hours a day with him. You can imagine my smugness reading this post. Being a SAHD is rewarding but draining and not for everyone.
You need to find something super old fashioned for a vacation job. I work for a tractor company, with a bunch of sleepy old dudes who have been there for 40 years. If a company does the same thing it did 100 years ago, that job is for you!
Also, public sector could be another way to go. Livingafi’s job history series is a great description of downshifting in FI. He seemed pretty happy in zombie startup and university settings…
I don’t remember the conversation. How long were you were a stay at home dad for until you went back to work?
I think you and other readers might be misinterpreting the post a little bit. I am forecasting the future, and my forecast is saying that after two years of being a stay at home dad I will feel like I need a vacation from parenthood. I’m not burnt out yet.
The vacation job needs to have some type of excitement or growth. At least for me. I don’t think I could do the tractor job for 40 years!
I was lucky to negotiate 7 months work from home (while doing the childcare) starting at age 4 months. I really value that time with my son, but I learned a lot about myself as well. I was ready to go back. And he was ready to interact with more kids.
Good luck finding the balance. I have a vacation job and often get itchy for growth and excitement… but I have to tell myself that being bored at work is a small price to pay for the amount of family time I get in this phase of life. There will be plenty of time to ramp back up or take on a new business once the kids are older.
7 months is great!
The best thing for folks to do who have a vacation job is to start a side hustle online.
Although my banking job was difficult, towards the end, I didn’t care for it very much anymore. After 10+ years of doing the same thing, I could do my job in my sleep, so I craved to do something new, hence the birth of FS.
If you could do your job in your sleep, then that is the vacation job you are looking for!!!