The value of owning a big, beautiful home is underappreciated. Somewhere along the way, the personal finance world began favoring minimalism and smaller living spaces, often dismissing larger homes as “McMansions.” But after spending five weeks living in a much smaller space again, I’ve gained a renewed appreciation for the comfort, privacy, and functionality that a larger home provides.
One of the unexpected “downsides” of going on a family vacation is realizing how hard it is to match the comfort of your own home. I think this rings true for most families.
You might live in an 1,800-square-foot, three-bedroom, two-bathroom house with your family of four. But on vacation, you often end up squeezing into a hotel room or a one-bedroom suite with a sofa bed. Vacation lodging has gotten so expensive! Renting a place that matches the size and quality of your own home is simply out of reach for many.
After 26 nights at my parents’ place and nine nights at my aunt and uncle’s ~1,000-square-foot, two-bedroom, two-bathroom home, I can say with certainty: I truly love owning and living in a bigger home. And, I'm not afraid to admit it!
Definition Of A Big Home
In 1981, the median size of a newly purchased home was about 1,700 square feet. By 1993, that number had grown to 2,000 square feet. This size increase was driven by the rise of suburban living and the growing demand for more space and modern amenities for families.
Throughout the 2000s, the average home size hovered between 1,920 and 1,940 square feet. When the first-time homebuyer tax credit was introduced to stimulate demand, the median size temporarily dipped to around 1,850 square feet before climbing back to 2,000 square feet between 2010 and 2015.
By the early 2020s, home sizes surged again, reaching between 2,200 and 2,300 square feet. According to the U.S. Census Bureau, the median size of a completed single-family home in 2023 was 2,233 square feet. Today, the average home size remains around 2,200 square feet.
Now that we know the median home size in America, we can better define what qualifies as a “big” home. In my view, a big home is one that’s at least 50% larger than the median—meaning it has at least 3,100 square feet of living space. You can localize the number using the figures based on where you live too.
A Big Home Over a Small One—Especially With Kids
A small home (50% smaller than median or more) is perfectly fine if you don’t have kids. I shared a studio with my high school friend and lived in a one-bedroom condo with my wife for years. But once you have kids, you’ll want as large of a home—and lot—as you can comfortably afford. Otherwise, you might go crazy.
One night at my aunt and uncle’s house on the North Shore of Oahu really drove this point home. It was a particularly windy night. I slept on a twin-size sofa bed in the living room, while my wife slept with our daughter and our son had his own room.
At 12:30 a.m., our daughter screamed out in her sleep, waking us up. Then at 1:30 a.m., a plastic cup flew off the kitchen counter. At 2 a.m., a mysterious thunk! Our son had fallen out of his bed (I didn't realize it until later). Then another scream at 2:30 a.m. And finally, just before dawn, something flew off my wife and daughter’s bedside table, waking all three of us.
Getting woken up five times in one night will drive anyone a little nuts. I was dragging all day on the Fourth of July. If we had a larger home, we might have only woken up once or twice.
And the last time I slept on a sofa bed was in college in 1998. But with my son sleeping like a tornado, sharing a queen bed would’ve meant zero rest for both of us given I snore.
More Space, More Happiness
If possible, buy a home with at least one bedroom per person. And if each bedroom can have its own en suite bathroom, even better. This setup dramatically improves everyone’s ability to sleep soundly and function well the next day.
With a big home, sound insulation and space make a huge difference. Comfort levels rise, and sleep improves, something every parent can appreciate.
Young kids are energetic. They need space to run, play, yell, and explore. If you’re considering a smaller house, at least prioritize a large, usable lot. Do not underestimate the value of a large lot (50%+ larger than median). They are rare and should be purchased when they pop up.
What I appreciate about my aunt and uncle's place is that their house only takes up about 12% of the lot size so it was great for the kids.
The Ideal Lot Size For A Big Home
Ideally, look for a property where the lot size is at least twice the size of the home’s square footage. For example, if you buy a 3,500-square-foot home, aim for at least a 7,000-square-foot lot. Of course, in big cities where land trades at enormous premiums, this ratio may hard to find at a reasonable price. But we're talking ideal here.
Try not to let the house take up more than 75% of the lot. Even with a large house, a lack of outdoor space can make things feel cramped. Sunshine and fresh air are essential for your well-being—especially if you have little monkeys running around.
Here's a big, beautiful house I'd enjoy living in.
A Big Home Is Better for Work From Home
One of the hardest parts about sleeping on a sofa bed in a 1,000-square-foot, two-bedroom, two-bathroom home with three other people is the hit to my productivity. As a writer, I need peace and quiet—something that’s nearly impossible to find in a compact home on one floor with two young kids.
My AirPods became my best friend, but even they couldn’t block out all the noise. As a result, I had to wake up by 3:30 a.m. just to get some writing done before my son wakes up—sometimes as early as 5 a.m., and always by 6.
If I were a single guy in my 20s or 30s, sharing a place like this with a two or three roommates for several years wouldn’t be a big deal. After all, I shared a studio for two years with a friend. But as a 48-year-old writer who’s paid his dues, I’d much rather live in a larger home on two levels.
When I’m in a flow state, I want to write uninterrupted. A small home constantly pulls me out of that zone.
Downsize Later, If You Want
Living in a modest 1,000-square-foot home gave all of us perspective and appreciation. More importantly, it taught my kids to adapt to a smaller living arrange and show respect for their grandparents' home.
In San Francisco, I’ve been fortunate. After renting a 600 square-foot one-bedroom condo with my wife, I finally took a leap of faith and bought a 990-square-foot 2/2 condo in 2003. In 2005, I upgraded to a 2,070-square-foot single-family home with three bedrooms, two bathrooms, and a bonus room. Then I downsized in 2014 before buying larger homes again in 2019, 2020, and 2023.
Going from big to much smaller is like going camping—you give up creature comforts and appreciate what you have even more when you return. One of my biggest concerns with climbing the property ladder was giving my kids a warped sense of reality. That’s why trips like these are helpful resets.
If your first car is a brand-new BMW instead of an old beater, you might end up forever spoiled. That’s not great for building appreciation and work ethic. That’s part of why I drove for Uber for a year and gave over 500 rides. Working a near-minimum-wage service job was humbling, but it grounded me and made me more grateful. Partly as a result, I've been able to continue writing 3-4 posts a week on Financial Samurai since July 2009 without fail.
If you feel bad about living in a big, beautiful home. Don't be. You can always downsize later, or after the kids move out. Just don't downsize too small, otherwise, your kids may never come back to visit!
Yes, Big Homes Are More Costly To Maintain
A key principle of achieving financial independence is keeping your living expenses as low as possible. One way to do this is by getting neutral real estate and paying off your mortgage as quickly as you can. Another is by buying or renting the cheapest place you can tolerate for as long as possible.
I’m a big proponent of saving aggressively on housing costs so you can invest more in the stock market and other risk assets to build wealth faster. Big homes have higher utility bills, higher maintenance expenses, higher property taxes, and more things that can break or go wrong. An expensive home can derail your FIRE plans, for sure!
That said, if you’ve got a family and want to YOLO more, a bigger home can significantly improve your quality of life. More space often means better sleep, fewer arguments, and a more peaceful household. After all, the best time to own the nicest home you can afford is when you have the most number of heartbeats at home.
It’s not just about luxury—it’s about functionality and family harmony. Many people came to this realization during the pandemic, when cramped living quarters became all too real.
So if you’re in a position to do so, enjoy your big, beautiful home. Just don’t forget the value of living simply and the lessons that come from making do with less.
Readers, do you own a big, beautiful home? If so, how large is it, and how does it compare to the median home size in your city? In your opinion, at what point does a home become too big? What do you consider a “big” home, and what are some downsides of owning one—beyond the higher carrying costs?
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Biggest problem in Cali is larger homes almost always mean a two story. Even building a lot of small three stories in SoCal. Such a waste when 90% of the time is spent in one room of a home (first floor). House has to be 4K SF to feel large on the first floor with sf divided. 2,700-3,300 sf single story is perfect but hard to find in Cali.
What’s wrong with two stories? I think it’s part of an ideal layout that provides more privacy and noise reduction. Great to allocate one story for play/work, another floor for sleep and quiet.
I like the contrarian point of view as I am a big of a contrarian myself. However, there are some overlooked aspects here. The most overlooked aspect in my opinion is the time cost of a big house.
Generally (not always), bigger homes tend to be further out from city centers and often, even suburban centers. This ads more time to commuting. Next, bigger homes require more maintenance. If you can afford the home, you likely can afford the maintenance to be done by a professional, but that is still more people you have to call, quality check, and manage (at least until you get so wealthy you have a “house manager”). Then you have to manage the updates and decor. I have known some large homeowners who have been almost perpetually under construction for 5+ years….one family, 10+. If you value modern style over space….the extra space can be burdensome in regards to keeping it fresh.
Lastly and most importantly, emotional investment. The bigger and nicer the home, the bigger the eventual letdown. A fancy/big home is like….great when you acquire it, great when you have it, life crushing when you feel it slipping. Slipping can be losing your home, your home getting outdated, you kids smashing out a window on your above-average home and so on.
Who is more likely to quickly get past the mental toll of getting a dent in your door, the guy who owns a 5 year old Mazda CX5 or the guy who owns a 1-year-old Porsche Cayenne?
Never overlook someone’s modesty who CHOOSES the modesty. I like modesty personally. I reserve my emotional investments for other aspects of my life. Nothing at all wrong with a big home, I could have one if I wanted, but I don’t believe it would add any happiness for me, my wife, or much for my kids (8 and 5).
Just being a contrarian to you being a contrarian lol. I enjoyed the article, thank you!
Nice contrarian take!
“ A fancy/big home is like….great when you acquire it, great when you have it, life crushing when you feel it slipping.”
Pretty dramatic there! Not sure about that. I think, as we age, we naturally let go of upkeep and perfectionism. We slowly become OK with good enough. That is what I see in many large homes that I visit during open houses. And that is what I see with my parents home which hasn’t been updated in 40 years.
If you can comfortably afford to own a Porsche Cayenne, after one year, then you wouldn’t find it a big deal to see a dent as you would just leave it or just fix it. If you can comfortably afford to own and fix and maintain something, it doesn’t feel so bad.
But boy, if you spent every last dollar on that expensive sports car or that dream house, the stress can be immense!
We moved into a bigger house AFTER the kids left. We raised the kids in a 1,900 square foot house in Arlington VA. Three smallish bedrooms and no garage. It was great place to raise the kids for education, culture, and food. But housing was very expensive. When they left we moved west to slightly cheaper location and got another 1,000 feet and 5 bedrooms and a garage with the profits from selling our Arlington house. Having a garage is major undervalued if you live in an area with four seasons. My wife and I have our home offices in two of the bedrooms, leaving us two others for hosting.
No regrets at all, but enjoying the space now to treat us and will have space for grandkids….Only regret is not holding onto the Arlington house as a rental property.
Interesting! Is the main reason why you didn’t have a bigger house when the kids were at home due to affordability?
I don’t know many parents who went bigger after the kids left the nest. So that’s comforting to know you enjoy a bigger home with less, as I do wonder whether our house will feel too big once our kids leave.
Mostly affordability. I started making significantly more money at age 50 and they were already in high school. We never really shopped around for 20 years because we knew we wanted to stay in Arlington for the kids and theirs and our friendships and connections we created. Then when they left and we shopped around it was almost like we could breathe better outside the city and larger house.
We sacrificed alot (materially) to raise the kids in an area that many sought but couldn’t afford. Raising kids is hard work!!! Again, part if it was the Arlington house, which we bought in 1996, appreciated so much that by selling it we could pay off the remaining mortgage and buy the larger one with just the equity we realized. So no mortgage…So financial “sense” didn’t really play into it. If it meant diving into a large mortgage to get the larger house we wouldn’t have done it.
Gotcha. Totally makes sense and thanks for sharing.
This is a good reminder that our parents evolve over a course of 18 years when we live at home with them. One sibling’s experience with their parents may be very different from what another sibling experiences.
A lot of wealth can be accumulated in 10 years, let alone 18 years. And so can a lot of maturity from parents as well. I want to explore this topic in a future post.
not exactly sure by what you mean as “maturity”. I grew up in the rural area of PA and loved it. I never liked city life but recognized benefits for the kids in Arlington (part of the “sacrifice”). Moving more out into the country was kinda like moving home for me. Reading comments on here from folks who sold their house and moved to Montana is kinda my dream, but not really practical for us right now.
Sure. Let’s say you are a new parent at 32 years old. As a new dad, you may be more stressed and anxious.
If you have your second child 8 years later, you become more mature as a parent because you are more experienced. You may be more calm and more confident as a parent, which may result in a better childhood for your second than of the first.
ye indeed – I thought you meant maturity in context of buying a larger house when younger so you can enjoy it more with the kids. That is the right plan if it won’t make you lesser of a parent cause you are always stressed to pay the bills (overly house poor). As it turned out I am sure I could have technically afforded my house when the kids were little, but not sure the stress tradeoff would have been worth it. I know myself too well, and my relationship to money, to regret it…
My parents also bought a larger home when they “downsized.” They downsized their land a lot but went a little bigger on the house. Their reasons were fairly straightforward:
The neighborhood they wanted to live in primarily was full of large houses. They wanted to have a comfortable space for people to visit and host holidays. They were used to a house with many bedrooms and baths and didn’t feel like they wanted less.
It took me awhile to afford a close in “not exurban” house that was big like my childhood homes, and for a long time I convinced myself I didn’t want or need that. But so much of what you write rings true Sam. Extra bedrooms are great. En-suite bathrooms are great. I’d like 2 bathrooms on the main floor for when we leave the house at the same time and multiple people need to sprint around it to find an open bathroom. It’s hard to imagine a house that’s too big. I see examples of big houses that are badly designed or appear cavernous, but for the most part my thinking tracks with yours and other articles you’ve written about ideal layouts.
My list:
En-suite bedrooms—all or most of them.
Multiple living areas—family and traditional living and basement rec areas.
Home gym.
Powder and full bath on main level.
A main level bedroom
Three car garage—I’m not sure there’s such a thing as a garage that’s too big.
You can hack the lot size by having a corner lot. You get a lot of light that way.
Sam I’m with you…COVID lockdowns cured me from ever wanting to share a small space with anyone
I like the size of my house, but we did expand it a bit (10% in size) after eight years. It’s about as big as the lot (and regs) can take so I think we’re done there. If it were any bigger, it would take more than four hours to clean so there’s another reason to quit while you’re ahead.
Only downside is that it’s the only thing that increased our property taxes, unfortunately. It’s also odd that none of the RE websites has the correct new size listed for our house.
I live in a 4700 square foot home on a 1.25 acre lot in a secluded and relatively sparsely populated valley in the front range mountains. The home and neighborhood have spectacular mountain and red rock formation views. The neighborhood is surrounded by three county parks/open spaces with about 100 miles of hiking and biking trails. There is a large reservoir for water sports just 4.5 miles away. I am truly blessed to have found this home, particularly because it was grossly undervalued when I bought it 12 years ago and am locked into a 2.75% mortgage. Definitely my forever home. The only problem is I am now priced out of my own neighborhood and can’t buy my young children homes in the neighborhood for future considerations.
Sounds like a great place!
I wouldn’t worry about your children because they might find a way to buy their own homes, just like you did.
Well, I bought them each a rental property in the city 35 minutes away. I hope to educate them on business and finance via having them help me manage their rental properties as they grow. Currently they are too young to be of any help other than looking cute as staging props when I show the property to prospective tenants.
Hah! Love it. Definitely one of my favorite strategies to reach child. Well done.
We live in a big, and becoming beautiful, house. It still needs interior remodeling work, however the landscaping receives many compliments. I feel like I am on vacation when I am in the back yard. And WFH has made the bigger house almost a necessity. Bedrooms become offices and storage.
What you leave out of the equation is that a house has become a store of wealth and of course, bigger real estate will have higher value. Luckily I am at a point that a bigger house would not make me happier. It would become more toilets and floors to clean.
Having separation and your own bathroom is really great. I had to travel with my mother a few years ago. In the past we’d always share a room which was fine but not fun by any means. On this trip, the room type availability forced us to have separate rooms. It was an added cost but SO worth it. I didn’t have to deal with her being in my space all the time or waking me up multiple times at night. And she got to feel more independent.
Everybody has their own lifestyle and sleeping particularities. And being able to afford a home that is in sync with them is a blessing.
In your opinion, at what point does a home become too big? What do you consider a “big” home, and what are some downsides of owning one—beyond the higher carrying costs?
We sold our 1700 sq foot 3 bed 2 bath on a quarter acre lot in a large popular city for a premium last year at the market top. We translated that into 11 acres in a mountain town with a 3700 sq ft 5 bed 5 bath home. We needed the space with more kids and working from home.
Cramming everyone in a 2 bed 2 bath apartment while the house was built made us really appreciate the space once we got to move in.
With modern efficiency and tech my new house is actually cheaper to operate then my old home. The higher cost and interest rates are a bummer but still worth the upgrade for our kids formative years.
I don’t think we would go much bigger, 4000 would have allowed us to expand all the kids rooms and bathrooms a little but that are still fine as is. Otherwise it’s just an excuse to add wine cellars, hobby rooms etc. At that point you’re in another income bracket.
I think enough is individual, but also when you start feeling Financial strain. Once that financial strain comes in, it is telling you, you have too big of a house. So hopefully, you will be able to grow into the house and no longer feel that strain as your wealth increases.
I’m looking forward to moving out of our large home (per your standards) and moving into a much smaller home. Out of fairness, we’ll probably keep the “palace” and rent it out, and the kids will be gone by then, but I’d rather have a small house surround by about a million acres of land (OK, I probably don’t need that much!) so I don’t have neighbors reaching into my bathroom window to borrow a book from the library.
I’m glad we have choices.
Is this feeling coinciding with the kids leaving home or have they already left?
We have a large home.
Benefits:
Negatives:
I agree with the larger home and land. My wife and I purchased a 23 acre small farm last year. We will renovate/demolish the farm house and build new house with preferably 5 bedrooms with en suites. Then when our kids get old, they’ll have place to come back to with their family and feel comfortable. The farm will give plenty of space for grandchildren to have fun.
I love this idea and your thinking. As a former beneficiary of a farm to visit as a grandchild, I think this is high on a list of best investments for a child. Lightly supervised free play, interacting in natural environments, experiencing food production or animal husbandry are all hugely beneficial. Even if it isn’t a working farm, there will still be wildlife encounters! One bit of advice: encourage your kids/grandkids to bring friends too. I know friends interrupt flow of the family time some, but all that weekend time on the farm can isolate your children/grandchildren from the social opportunities they would have otherwise had with their neighborhood/school friends. You can have your kids bring another family or two along sometimes! Having other families round can keep everyone on their best behavior and will keep strong multi-generational ties. Another reason to build big and have plenty of bathrooms! I’d like to do this for my family one day in the future. Good luck!